Jakeremix
August 15th, 2016, 08:59 PM
Hi there everyone. I'll probably regret posting this, but I'm going to give it a shot now, because honestly, I don't know what else to do at this point.
I am very confident that I have some form of depression. Thing is, I have felt depressed for a little over two years now, but it was more of an on-and-off thing. But when it hit, it hit HARD. There were times when I would just completely break down (sometimes when triggered, sometimes for no particular reason) and lock myself away in my room for days. These episodes happened once or twice a month, and even when I wasn't presently filled with grief, there were still those thoughts of sadness and desperation looming over me.
But a few weeks ago, I think I hit an all-time-low. I got into an extreme fight with my mom (we both said some unimaginably nasty things to each other), which resulted in me barely leaving my room or talking to anyone in the following week. After the initial stages of rage had passed, both of my parents talked to me, apologizing and wanting to have a conversation with me. For many reasons, I do not have a good relationship with either of my parents, so I rejected their attempts to talk. My mom reached out a few more times after that, but I continued to ignore her.
While I have started to respond to them, leave my room, and eat again, nothing is the same at all. I feel like, more than ever, I am showing the signs of depression--I don't want to leave my bed, I am constantly bored, I'm tired (and yet have trouble going to sleep at night), I don't have any interest in playing video games or hanging out with friends like I usually do, and most notably, I feel like I am trapped in box that has no exit.
It's not simply because of the argument--it is the result of every thought and emotion that I have held in for the past two years. I am extremely insecure, I don't think I have a future, it seems as though nobody cares about me (there are MANY things that have led up to me feeling this way), I'm still in the closet as bi, and I am sick to my stomach at the thought of returning to school in three days and beginning my senior year (which is already on the wrong track). I could go on and on about everything that occupies my mind on a daily basis.
I have not confided these things to anyone. I am actually terrified to tell my friends, as I don't even know how they would approach a situation like this. I don't feel secure talking to my extended family (they have always thought I was selfish when I had the breakdowns that I previously mentioned), and even if I wanted to tell all of this to my parents now and seek help, I don't even know how I would go about it, seeing as they seem to have lost interest in helping me at this point.
I could go much more in depth, but this is the basis of everything. I don't know what to do or where to go now, and with school almost here, things are bound to get worse.
I am very confident that I have some form of depression. Thing is, I have felt depressed for a little over two years now, but it was more of an on-and-off thing. But when it hit, it hit HARD. There were times when I would just completely break down (sometimes when triggered, sometimes for no particular reason) and lock myself away in my room for days. These episodes happened once or twice a month, and even when I wasn't presently filled with grief, there were still those thoughts of sadness and desperation looming over me.
But a few weeks ago, I think I hit an all-time-low. I got into an extreme fight with my mom (we both said some unimaginably nasty things to each other), which resulted in me barely leaving my room or talking to anyone in the following week. After the initial stages of rage had passed, both of my parents talked to me, apologizing and wanting to have a conversation with me. For many reasons, I do not have a good relationship with either of my parents, so I rejected their attempts to talk. My mom reached out a few more times after that, but I continued to ignore her.
While I have started to respond to them, leave my room, and eat again, nothing is the same at all. I feel like, more than ever, I am showing the signs of depression--I don't want to leave my bed, I am constantly bored, I'm tired (and yet have trouble going to sleep at night), I don't have any interest in playing video games or hanging out with friends like I usually do, and most notably, I feel like I am trapped in box that has no exit.
It's not simply because of the argument--it is the result of every thought and emotion that I have held in for the past two years. I am extremely insecure, I don't think I have a future, it seems as though nobody cares about me (there are MANY things that have led up to me feeling this way), I'm still in the closet as bi, and I am sick to my stomach at the thought of returning to school in three days and beginning my senior year (which is already on the wrong track). I could go on and on about everything that occupies my mind on a daily basis.
I have not confided these things to anyone. I am actually terrified to tell my friends, as I don't even know how they would approach a situation like this. I don't feel secure talking to my extended family (they have always thought I was selfish when I had the breakdowns that I previously mentioned), and even if I wanted to tell all of this to my parents now and seek help, I don't even know how I would go about it, seeing as they seem to have lost interest in helping me at this point.
I could go much more in depth, but this is the basis of everything. I don't know what to do or where to go now, and with school almost here, things are bound to get worse.