Teach Cousin

[ashdaniel]

I am back to my hometown for the summer(last time when I visit was three years ago). One of my cousin is very close to me. He is thirteen this year and start puberty. I mean close is he like to stick with me and hold my hand and ask me allot of question. When we are alone, he like to ask me question about puberty and sex and stuff. I answer him . The things is that he want to see my penis and how big and hard it get. After think for awhile I let him but he want to do further more to ask me to show him semen. I say no and told him the method to masturbate and tell him to try at home.
It happen for few days but one thing happen make me feel very guilty and wrong. One time he was feeling my penis when hard I let him see. He start to ask me if he can taste it. I was falling asleep at the time and didn't pay attention cause I say do it yourself. He then actually give me a mimi bj. I was freaking out at then but feeling good at the same time. Later I told him to stop and say don't do it and don't do it to anyone else. It just happen like 3 days ago which I haven't visit him since.
I want to ask how do I face him now? What if he ask me to let him do it again? Have you ever had this experience and do you think I am wrong?
Right now, I feel very guilty and wrong.

[Glis25]

You just have to let him know that you dont want to partake in that stuff and that part of growing up means that you have to listen to other people personal bubbles and space

[NZPerson]

He waited for you to fall asleep which means hes being intentionally sneaky... i think he knows and just needs a stern warninng if your not cool with that.

[ashdaniel]

He waited for you to fall asleep which means hes being intentionally sneaky... i think he knows and just needs a stern warninng if your not cool with that.

Well, he didn't wait for me to fell asleep. I was laying on the couch at the time and he ask to me to let him feel it and I was sleepy at the time so I say do it yourself then that was the time he give me a mini bj . I was super open about puberty and sexuality to him that why he is close to me.

[NZPerson]

Well, he didn't wait for me to fell asleep. I was laying on the couch at the time and he ask to me to let him feel it and I was sleepy at the time so I say do it yourself then that was the time he give me a mini bj . I was super open about puberty and sexuality to him that why he is close to me.

Hmmm sounds dodgey to me, whats it gonna be like later on in life? Will he be confused and be attracted to you? Or will it just be awkward af...

[ashdaniel]

Hmmm sounds dodgey to me, whats it gonna be like later on in life? Will he be confused and be attracted to you? Or will it just be awkward af...

I only hope it gonna be just a part of his grow up experience because I don't visit my hometown often. Like every few years.

[Just JT]

And how old are you!?
Seems to me this might of gone a little past the typical age appropriate experimentation thing most kids have at that age
Just my opinion is all

[jamie_n5]

I think he was a curious 13 year old and just was trying to find out some things. By you saying you have been gone from home for 3 years I am guessing you are in 21 year old age. I think talking with him and even showing him was ok but I think anything beyond would be wrong. Just talk to him and explain that you are happy to talk to him and answer his questions. As far as anything else just tell him that you showed him to satisfy his curiosity but don't feel anything else further is appropriate. Tell him to experiment with his own age guys if he wants to do that.

[ska8er]

Don't feel guilty and face him like any other
time that u meet or r together-I don't c any
thing wrong on what happened but do tell
him that u do not like to do things unless he
asks u for permission. The one thing is that
he is curious and he may b the only one to
go to to ask questions so don't b so difficult
with him. Ask him if there is anything that he
wants to ask or is on his mind that u would
try to help him.

[jake1214]

I don't think you really have anything to be guilty of if you didn't want to do it. I think really letting him know seriously that it's not okay to do that is all you need to do. I guess these things aren't easy, and maybe nobody needs to know, but just let him know it's not okay.

[jockeyboy97]

Don't beat yourself up. It seems he took advantage of the situation. I recommend that you move forward and use the situation as a learning experience for your cousin. You can explain to him that curiosity is natural as well as sex and that there is nothing wrong with experimenting, however he needs to be respect the other person and not violate their space without their permission. He violated you and he needs to understand that is not acceptable. What would happen if he did it to the wrong person. Keep being close to him and help guide him through his confusion.

[ashdaniel]

Don't beat yourself up. It seems he took advantage of the situation. I recommend that you move forward and use the situation as a learning experience for your cousin. You can explain to him that curiosity is natural as well as sex and that there is nothing wrong with experimenting, however he needs to be respect the other person and not violate their space without their permission. He violated you and he needs to understand that is not acceptable. What would happen if he did it to the wrong person. Keep being close to him and help guide him through his confusion.

I don't think you really have anything to be guilty of if you didn't want to do it. I think really letting him know seriously that it's not okay to do that is all you need to do. I guess these things aren't easy, and maybe nobody needs to know, but just let him know it's not okay.

Don't feel guilty and face him like any other
time that u meet or r together-I don't c any
thing wrong on what happened but do tell
him that u do not like to do things unless he
asks u for permission. The one thing is that
he is curious and he may b the only one to
go to to ask questions so don't b so difficult
with him. Ask him if there is anything that he
wants to ask or is on his mind that u would
try to help him.

I think he was a curious 13 year old and just was trying to find out some things. By you saying you have been gone from home for 3 years I am guessing you are in 21 year old age. I think talking with him and even showing him was ok but I think anything beyond would be wrong. Just talk to him and explain that you are happy to talk to him and answer his questions. As far as anything else just tell him that you showed him to satisfy his curiosity but don't feel anything else further is appropriate. Tell him to experiment with his own age guys if he wants to do that.

And how old are you!?
Seems to me this might of gone a little past the typical age appropriate experimentation thing most kids have at that age
Just my opinion is all

The reason I feel guilty is that I pass his age of experience group. I want to answer his question and show him from a older brother perspective which the incident make me feel like a perv in a way.

[Just JT]

I'd simply answer his questions in as little detail as it takes to satisfy his curiosity at that moment. Don't say anything that will make him feel shame about his body or actions. Just encourage him to follow his instincts, and that what he may want to to is natural normal and healthy.

And leave it there until there's more questions.

[ska8er]

It looks like he is considering u an older Bro
or Father figure then. Just answer his questions
or talk with him if he has anything on his mind
but tell him No u cant show him stuff.

[Second Chance]

I am back to my hometown for the summer(last time when I visit was three years ago). One of my cousin is very close to me. He is thirteen this year and start puberty. I mean close is he like to stick with me and hold my hand and ask me allot of question. When we are alone, he like to ask me question about puberty and sex and stuff. I answer him . The things is that he want to see my penis and how big and hard it get. After think for awhile I let him but he want to do further more to ask me to show him semen. I say no and told him the method to masturbate and tell him to try at home.
It happen for few days but one thing happen make me feel very guilty and wrong. One time he was feeling my penis when hard I let him see. He start to ask me if he can taste it. I was falling asleep at the time and didn't pay attention cause I say do it yourself. He then actually give me a mimi bj. I was freaking out at then but feeling good at the same time. Later I told him to stop and say don't do it and don't do it to anyone else. It just happen like 3 days ago which I haven't visit him since.
I want to ask how do I face him now? What if he ask me to let him do it again? Have you ever had this experience and do you think I am wrong?
Right now, I feel very guilty and wrong.

I agree with the others that you do not seem to have done anything wrong, and you only were trying to help your cousin.

I would say the most important thing you have to do now is to teach your cousin to be responsible with his sexuality. What I mean is that if he is going to give you a mini bj when you are not at your 100%, then can you imagine what he is capable of doing in the future? You have to teach your cousin not to ever do stuff sexually with someone else against their will and to always respect boundaries and other people's boundaries. Chances are puberty is hitting the kid hard, but he has to learn to respect others' feelings and bodies otherwise one day he could be one of those people who get into trouble with the law because he took advantage of someone.

You can certainly talk to your cousin about the usual stuff about puberty because that does not make you a pervert. If you do not talk with him, then chances are he will find out the information elsewhere. Just make sure to have a talk with him about porn because maybe some of what he is doing is because he thinks what he had seen on porn is what is normal.

[Skylark]

He's just an average 13 year old kid: horny and figuring out his sexuality. If you're not comfortable with letting him touch you and everything, tell him firmly but not angrily to stop.

[ashdaniel]

He's just an average 13 year old kid: horny and figuring out his sexuality. If you're not comfortable with letting him touch you and everything, tell him firmly but not angrily to stop.
I don't mind him touch me but a bj is bit too far. If he around my age, I wouldn't mind that much but he is much younger than me. I believe expercing is part of growing up so I don't mind to show him and let him see and touch.

[ashdaniel]

I don't think you really have anything to be guilty of if you didn't want to do it. I think really letting him know seriously that it's not okay to do that is all you need to do. I guess these things aren't easy, and maybe nobody needs to know, but just let him know it's not okay.

I know experiencing is part of growing up. So that why I let him touch at first place but bj little too far because we are not in the same age group. I don't mind that much if he is around my age but he is much younger than me. This is why I feel guilty because it make me feel like perv.

[ashdaniel]

I'd simply answer his questions in as little detail as it takes to satisfy his curiosity at that moment. Don't say anything that will make him feel shame about his body or actions. Just encourage him to follow his instincts, and that what he may want to to is natural normal and healthy.

And leave it there until there's more questions.

I have answer his questions and didn't say anything bad about his action. He is very curious about my body and jerk off stuff. I haven't see him in few days but once I see him and we are alone. It will start again.

[ashdaniel]

I agree with the others that you do not seem to have done anything wrong, and you only were trying to help your cousin.

I would say the most important thing you have to do now is to teach your cousin to be responsible with his sexuality. What I mean is that if he is going to give you a mini bj when you are not at your 100%, then can you imagine what he is capable of doing in the future? You have to teach your cousin not to ever do stuff sexually with someone else against their will and to always respect boundaries and other people's boundaries. Chances are puberty is hitting the kid hard, but he has to learn to respect others' feelings and bodies otherwise one day he could be one of those people who get into trouble with the law because he took advantage of someone.

You can certainly talk to your cousin about the usual stuff about puberty because that does not make you a pervert. If you do not talk with him, then chances are he will find out the information elsewhere. Just make sure to have a talk with him about porn because maybe some of what he is doing is because he thinks what he had seen on porn is what is normal.

I agreed with you and I will talk to him about that but he is very curious to experience with me. I am not sure if it is right to do so. I don't mind it but he is much younger than me. Compare to other kid I know, he pretty innocent and ignorant about sex and puberty. In my culture parent don't talk about these stuff. What do you think if my cousin still want to experience with me?

[ashdaniel]

He's just an average 13 year old kid: horny and figuring out his sexuality. If you're not comfortable with letting him touch you and everything, tell him firmly but not angrily to stop.

I don't mind him touch me but do you think it is alright for me to show him stuff.

[SethfromMI]

I don't mind him touch me but do you think it is alright for me to show him stuff.

I always personally recommend against you actually showing him stuff. want to talk to him fine. want to even show him some online resources, that's ok. but when you get into physically showing him/teaching him that stuff, that stuff could possibly go wrong if it gets out to the wrong people. plus, I just don't think that stuff should be done by family. it is glad you have open communication and it is up to you, but it is something I just personally don't recommend

[Jtyler]

I've kinda had a similar experience with a close friend, but now it's like nothing ever happened and we r still close

[Second Chance]

I agreed with you and I will talk to him about that but he is very curious to experience with me. I am not sure if it is right to do so. I don't mind it but he is much younger than me. Compare to other kid I know, he pretty innocent and ignorant about sex and puberty. In my culture parent don't talk about these stuff. What do you think if my cousin still want to experience with me?

My opinion is that you have to handle this issue in a couple of ways:

First, you should sit down with him and explain to him about the biological aspects of puberty and sexuality including the changes he will experience both physically and emotionally.

Second, you have to talk with him about being responsible with his body including warning him about sexting, avoid nude pictures, and not to be forced or to force others to do anything sexual. You have to tell him to always think with his big head and not his little one, and that he can get into trouble if he only follows what feels good.

Third, assuming you come from a place in your country where sex education is not readily available, then you have to let this kid know that he can contact you with any questions. You both may need to Skype or text or even e-mail if you live far away. If he is running into a lot of problems with puberty, then you might either need to return home monthly (if possible), or you should have him join you here and there where you live if you can. Be open and honest with him about his questions and never to make him feel like his questions are gross or stupid.

Fourth, you can talk to him about masturbation and porn. You should not masturbate in front of him, but you can give him pointers on how to masturbate, if he does not know how to do so, and you can talk to him about porn and the things to watch out for. Just don't jack off with him, and don't get naked around the kid because no good can come from that even if you are only demonstrating. He might be curious, but he also has to learn how to respect others' feelings. If he does not learn that now, then he might get aggressive sexually later on.

Finally, while you might want to see the little guy grow up and help him mature the reality is that you cannot ever do anything physical with him. If you go down that road, then you two will become physically attached which is not healthy because you both share the same blood and because of the age gap. You do not want to open yourself up to problems with your family, the legal system, or have this kid's mind get warped because he was exposed to sexuality way too early. Especially if you two get physical and you eventually go away, then he will develop a sexual need which he may turn to others in the area who may not be so good. It is one thing if you want to talk to him about sexuality and puberty and even reassure him that he is all right, but never do anything sexual with him including masturbating with him or any sex acts because he will get the wrong message. Having an experience with him will not lead to anything good, and what he needs to know now is the basics about puberty. When he is older and is physically and mentally mature, then let him decide who he wants to have his first experience with. In the end of the day it cannot be with you because you are his relative and are a lot older than him.

[ashdaniel]

My opinion is that you have to handle this issue in a couple of ways:

First, you should sit down with him and explain to him about the biological aspects of puberty and sexuality including the changes he will experience both physically and emotionally.

Second, you have to talk with him about being responsible with his body including warning him about sexting, avoid nude pictures, and not to be forced or to force others to do anything sexual. You have to tell him to always think with his big head and not his little one, and that he can get into trouble if he only follows what feels good.

Third, assuming you come from a place in your country where sex education is not readily available, then you have to let this kid know that he can contact you with any questions. You both may need to Skype or text or even e-mail if you live far away. If he is running into a lot of problems with puberty, then you might either need to return home monthly (if possible), or you should have him join you here and there where you live if you can. Be open and honest with him about his questions and never to make him feel like his questions are gross or stupid.

Fourth, you can talk to him about masturbation and porn. You should not masturbate in front of him, but you can give him pointers on how to masturbate, if he does not know how to do so, and you can talk to him about porn and the things to watch out for. Just don't jack off with him, and don't get naked around the kid because no good can come from that even if you are only demonstrating. He might be curious, but he also has to learn how to respect others' feelings. If he does not learn that now, then he might get aggressive sexually later on.

Finally, while you might want to see the little guy grow up and help him mature the reality is that you cannot ever do anything physical with him. If you go down that road, then you two will become physically attached which is not healthy because you both share the same blood and because of the age gap. You do not want to open yourself up to problems with your family, the legal system, or have this kid's mind get warped because he was exposed to sexuality way too early. Especially if you two get physical and you eventually go away, then he will develop a sexual need which he may turn to others in the area who may not be so good. It is one thing if you want to talk to him about sexuality and puberty and even reassure him that he is all right, but never do anything sexual with him including masturbating with him or any sex acts because he will get the wrong message. Having an experience with him will not lead to anything good, and what he needs to know now is the basics about puberty. When he is older and is physically and mentally mature, then let him decide who he wants to have his first experience with. In the end of the day it cannot be with you because you are his relative and are a lot older than him.

Wow, thanks for all the advice. It help allot. I will talk to him about it.

[Just JT]

Just kinda chiming in on a lota posters here....

A lots alll about curiousity, learning, puberty and sexuality anxiously. Some stuff you just figure out yourself. Some guys have questions, and that's cool to, no harm there so long as everything's done maturely. Sure lots of cousins And brothers do this and more. But the age difference is a big deal. I'd not have any physical contact at all, especially at his age, including being nude around him, for these purposes. Nothing good can come outa it. Internet has a wealth of quality age appropriate I for for him.

Answer his questions and direct him there if needed, with supervision so he don't end up somewhere he shouldn't be.

[ashdaniel]

Just kinda chiming in on a lota posters here....

A lots alll about curiousity, learning, puberty and sexuality anxiously. Some stuff you just figure out yourself. Some guys have questions, and that's cool to, no harm there so long as everything's done maturely. Sure lots of cousins And brothers do this and more. But the age difference is a big deal. I'd not have any physical contact at all, especially at his age, including being nude around him, for these purposes. Nothing good can come outa it. Internet has a wealth of quality age appropriate I for for him.

Answer his questions and direct him there if needed, with supervision so he don't end up somewhere he shouldn't be.

That is what I am worry about because I am just visiting. I don't him to end up in the wrong hand and I want to leave him to experience with guy around his age.

[Second Chance]

That is what I am worry about because I am just visiting. I don't him to end up in the wrong hand and I want to leave him to experience with guy around his age.

The most you can do is supervise your cousin while he is in the same room, but that should never lead to physical contact between you both. You can talk him through the process while you are there, but don't get naked with him or anything like that. Like the guy above said, there are just some things guys have to figure out by themselves.

As for having an experience with someone of his own age, in the end of the day the most you can do is give him advice on how to be responsible and not to go around doing stuff with anything that moves. If you do something sexual with him, then he might develop a fetish for older guys or might just think it is all right to have sexual experiences with anyone as a result. If you teach him to be disciplined and to realize it is all right to masturbate, then he will be all right. Especially if the kid is really as young and immature as you say he is then just tell him he can hold off on sexual experiences until he is older. Assuming you started to get sexual when you were older, then you can even use your own experience as a model. You really do not have much control if this boy does something sexual with someone his age. If you put him on a strong foundation and keep in contact with him after you leave, then the kid should be all right. The thing is even if he does his first experience with you, then that will give him the green light to go with others since you will basically turn on his sexuality meaning he will need to satisfy his urges somehow.

Also, if the kid's hormones are off the charts and he has a lot of strong feelings, then you can introduce him to porn with the understanding that he knows it is fake and that what those folks do in it is not reality. He can use porn as a crutch to deal with his feelings so that he does not end up letting his body be used by others if that is your fear.

Chances are your cousin will be around other boys his age, and you just have to warn him about what boys in puberty do. As long as you tell him it is fine to just say no if they do sexual things with one another, then he will hopefully not be used by others. All you can do is talk to your cousin about peer pressure and that he does not need to do anything all because everyone else is. More than anything you have to teach him that he has to control his body and not let others use him like a tissue.

In the end of the day because you live far away the most you can do is give the kid advice. You can try to keep in contact with him electronically, but if he is hell bent on doing stuff with the area kids, then there is not much you can do. Especially because you're older it would not be at all appropriate to do anything sexual with him. Again, the most you can do is supervise him while you are in the room with him if he has questions about his body, but you have to stay clothed. If you show discipline, then hopefully he will know the importance of not doing sexual stuff at the drop of a hat.

Let us know how things work out.

[Diggyj23]

Did you let him continue or did you stop him?