My girlfriend doesn't trust me to go to a gym

[CRbruh]

Ok, so basically every time i bring up about me joining a gym she freaks out and says girls are going to be looking at me and im going to f*ck girls at the gym. she says she trusts me but not other girls. shes the reason in the first place i want to get in better shape to look better for her! i really love this girl and idk how to go with this. she's my motivation for pretty much everything. i thought she'd be a little more supportive with me wanting to get into better shape and be healthier. any advice would be great. thanks :)

[Flapjack]

She can say she trusts you but she clearly doesn't! Major trust issues here buddy! Why do you think she thinks this? Have you ever cheated on here?

[CRbruh]

of course not. I've been loyal since the day we got together. shes been abused in the past and cheated on though. I've always been honest and truthful. shes had some serious assholes in her life but im not like that

oh and she thinks that because her brother cheated on a girl at the gym and it ruined a long relationship

[Typhlosion]

Explain to her that the girls at the gym aren't the cause for cheating, but the guy himself. Either she doesn't trust you, or she has low self-esteem in her looks and doesn't want you to see "hotter girls" at the gym.

Because you said that she had these problems in the past, you need to calmly and slowly work with her against these fears, reassuring her that she can trust you. It's not going to happen overnight, but it'll get better over time. At the same time, don't simply accept her fears because they could evolve to not letting you go more places because of those fears.

[jamie_n5]

Well you need to talk to her and kind of lay it on the line. Tell her that you only care for her and would never ruin your relationship by doing something stupid like that. Tell her you want to work out for your health and to be better for her. If she doesn't listen to that reason she really does have major trust issues and most likely would make a neurotic and bad mate for you in the future. I doubt that you would find happiness there.

[Just JT]

I'll be honest here, the abuse, that's the issue. It destroys ant trust, any logical way you'd think someone could trust. That's going to be a huge hurdle in your relationship. That's just going to take time. There's no rhyme or reason to that one, just time, start off slow.

[Flapjack]

of course not. I've been loyal since the day we got together. shes been abused in the past and cheated on though. I've always been honest and truthful. shes had some serious assholes in her life but im not like that
Then I'd try and be sensitive to her feelings buddy and drop the idea for a bit until she trusts you more:)

[PlasmaHam]

Your girlfriend sounds a little paranoid, that could be good or bad.

I will just try to explain it to her like everyone else said. Perhaps even bring her to the gym a few times to show that other women aren't trying to hit on you. I'll just be slow with her. She sounds like she had a rough past, and getting over that will be hard for her

[ClaraWho]

Point out that she cannot hide you away from other women for the rest of your life. Presumably she finds you attractive, so why wouldn't other girls?

This isn't healthy and will not work long-term.

It starts with confronting this nonsense statement;

'I trust you, I don't trust them'.

It takes 2 to tango. Ergo she doesn't trust you. Point this out to her.

It isn't fair to live your entire life under curfews and restraints because of HER insecurities. You cannot prove you will not cheat. Every relationship carries this risk. You have to accept that the your loved one may fall out of love with you, or may disappoint you in ways you didn't expect. The importance is that she takes OWNERSHIP of HER problem, rather than projecting it on to you. Otherwise she will destroy the relationship and drive you away.

It's important to remain calm when discussing this. Tell her how it hurts to be accused all the time, how it's stopping you being who you want to be. With her. And how you cannot do anything to prove or earn her trust more than you already are. Emphasise that yes, you will get hit on throughout life, but you have CHOSEN to be with her.

Point out how this will affect ANY relationship she has, whether with you or any potential partners should you not work out (that's a reality that must be mentioned). Restate you will help her as best you can work through her issues, but she needs to;
A) Admit she has a problem and is in the wrong.
B) Seek help, be it therapy or reading resources (less so, but even posting on here).

Again, this WILL NOT WORK LONG TERM otherwise.

Hopefully you get to the gym soon! Exercise is so much more beneficial than just the astethic improvement; health, self-esteem, stress relief, happy hormones, tis all great.

Good Luck and feel free to get in touch,

~ Clara

[mutantboy]

Ok, so basically every time i bring up about me joining a gym she freaks out and says girls are going to be looking at me and im going to f*ck girls at the gym. she says she trusts me but not other girls. shes the reason in the first place i want to get in better shape to look better for her! i really love this girl and idk how to go with this. she's my motivation for pretty much everything. i thought she'd be a little more supportive with me wanting to get into better shape and be healthier. any advice would be great. thanks :)

I can't stand this kind of things. If you respect her, she is not allowed to decide what you can or can't do. She doesn't trust you, so say her goodbye.

[ashdyn]

You're more likely to get with a guy at a gym than a girl lmao

[SethfromMI]

You're more likely to get with a guy at a gym than a girl lmao

XD haha

but seriously OP, just talk to your gf and reassure how much you love her and you would never cheat on her. let her realize there are going to be women where ever you go in life (you get what I mean) and you can't hide from them all. tell her you understand why she is paranoid, but she can't hold you to unrealistic expectations because of it

[indoxyl]

tell her to calm down or buy some exercise equipment for your place