I dunno if I'm ready

[gherkin2pickle]

Okay, so I'm very good friends with a guy that I've known for almost 3 years. We have a lot of the same interests, we've both been raised in Christian families, and I had a crush on him for a while. Then, for about a year, I went through a spell of depression, self harm, and anorexia. My self esteem was super low, and it really hurt to see him every day, happy as can be, while I sunk so low. I buried my feelings for him in an effort to make them go away so it wouldn't hurt as much. And, it worked for a while. I hated seeing him while I was depressed. It was like a bad dream, a bad memory and I nearly burst into tears every time I was near him. But anyway, I'm not as depressed anymore, and we started talking again. And then, one day, while we were texting, he admitted to liking me and having a crush on me for a long time, as far back as elementary school (this coming school year he'll be a junior and I'll be a sophomore in high school). I admitted to sharing his affection as well, and then he talked about how perfect we were for each other... But then he said he had to tell me something. He had been addicted to pornography. He was fighting it, hard, and it kind of surprised me... I never expected ANYTHING like that from him. I dunno, it just didn't seem like him. But anyway, I then opened up to him about the depression stuff, and we seemed okay. Now we still talk (though mainly text) and hang out when we can, and he's been... Sliding comments in. We're not dating yet, but he keeps saying things. Like when I was beating him at MarioKart, he jokingly asked, "What is the reason for living?" And then, in a serious tone, said, "Oh yeah, it's you." Or things like he's lucky to have me, that I'm pretty, and I'm the only one he could ever open up to and be super close to. I feel like he's going to ask me out soon. I can just tell in the way he talks and acts around me. A close family friend pointed out that he was a really good guy and would be good for me, and my mom agreed. She said she liked him. But, I don't think my parents would be super on board with me dating someone. Especially my dad. He's a pastor and is very strict with me and my teenage shenanigans. My older sister didn't date until she was in college, so it isn't like he's had to deal with it before. And plus... I just don't know if I'm ready. My self-hatred is still there, and it is impossible for me to accept any type of compliment whatsoever. And this guy compliments me all the time. What would it be like if we were dating?? I'm just super scared of the commitment I might have to make. What if I'm not enough for him? And, another thing... What if he expects me to engage in sexual activities with him? I highly doubt it, but since I didn't expect the pornography thing, this could be a possibility too, right? Another thing is that I haven't told him that I don't 100% agree with Christianity. I support LGBTQ rights, and think it's okay for people to live together before marriage, and a few other things. This guy, as far as I know, is completely on board with all of it. I don't know... I'm just kind of rambling now. Sorry, I get nervous whenever I talk about stuff like this. Please, if you don't mind, tell me your opinion on what I should do. There's not much holding me back, really, but I'm still scared. And yes, I know he hasn't asked yet. But he's gotten close before. I'm willing to bet money that he will soon. And I don't know what to do. Help?
(PS Sorry this is so long. Anxiety was making me feel the need to explain everything in depth. Again, I'm really super sorry.)

[Flapjack]

I would go for it buddy:)

[Cadanance00]

Dating isn't really a commitment. It's more like getting together with somebody to enjoy their company, and maybe exchange affection. It's part of growing up, so I think there's no harm in dating him, and something to be gained.

Nobody's perfect and dating somebody you take them with their imperfections and maybe help them with it and get some help yourself. Mostly it's about there being someone around who cares.

I sympathise with your religious background. While I don't have that problem myself (yes, we go to church) I know lots of people who's rents are rigid in their beliefs. I think you should find out what your respective sets of rents are comfo with and try it.
~Caen

P.S. When he compliments you, instead of being tense about it, let it soak in and say thank you and let it boost your self-esteem.

[jamie_n5]

It sounds to me that you get along well. I think that it is time to give it a try and see how things go. When the opportunity is there to try and find out if you can have a good or bad relationship is there when you have come to that point in a friendship I think you need to take it.

[Cadanance00]

I think we should hear from some girls.

[ClaraWho]

It sounds like you really aren't in a position to be getting into a relationship with anyone right now. Especially someone who appears to have issues such as the boy you are considering. Phrasing like 'you are my reason to be alive' aren't healthy, bit of a red flag.

There's no rush to be in a relationship and an unhealthy one will set you back in your own recovery. As for important life views as you mentioned at the end, people talk about communication in relationships being vital, but BEFORE you get in a relationship is the best time to find out about each other.

'Casual dating' for company and sex is short-term thrill over long-term happiness, even the guy suggesting it here has ended up hurt through it.

Focus on you, be selfish with your mental wellbeing. If he asks you out just say you aren't ready to be dating anyone (don't say him or he'll keep asking).

If you need more advice I'm happy to help :)

~ Clara

[Vlerchan]

ClaraWho should honestly just stick 'Vlerchan endorses this message' into her signature.

[jesusgavemewings]

he sounds liek he likes you ask your mom if your scared that they dont like it and if she says ok then just go for it you dont have to be sexual with him and you can tell him what you believe