Cricket97
July 23rd, 2016, 03:48 PM
This is a long post, but hopefully you'll have an advice.
I have a friend that I've been BFFs with since the first year of high school. She was the first person I met. After a couple of months, she didn't come to school for a week, stating she was sick. When she cam back, she told me that she tried killing herself. I was the only one that she told because she trusted me with that. After that, we became best friends. She was the closest friend in my high school.
In 10th grade, we got into an argument and were distant from each other for a while. (Even though we hung out together, which is weird I know.) During this time, she called me one evening: She was crying; she had been to a boy's house that she liked and the boy tried kissing her. She was freaked out. I wasn't gonna come to school the other day because there was gonna be a festival in school. But she begged me to come because she didn't want to stay at home and didn't want to be alone at school. When I stress out, my stomach gets very worse. The next morning, I threw up at school. (During those times, I had a sick stomach, many things including this issue, led me to see a therapist.)
In the summer of 10th grade, I had an image of me and her kissing. Just popped into my head during a tv scene. I obsessed over it, and spent my summer throwing up because of stress. Now, when I look back, I realize the feeling I have towards her is the fear of her being a burden to me.
In 11th grade, we were placed in different classes. Many recesses she came to my class and we hung out. But I started to feel like people were seeing me as a tail to my friend and I was too tied to her that I could'n have another close friend at my school. One time, a girl from my class asked me if I wanted to go to the cafeteria, I said no thanks. Then my BFF came and said let's go to the cafeteria. I did go with her and saw the girl who asked me to go to the cafeteria. I was embarrassed even though she laughed it off. I got so frustrated with this, I told my mom. During that period, I had a bad habit of telling every problem of mine to her. She got mad, at one point saying that I was my bff's dog.
Things went on like that. I started seeing a therapist at the second semester of 11th grade and I was open to my bff about how she hurt me during the argument we had in 10th grade.
In 12th grade, we were in different classes again. She came to my class frequently. One day, two girls that sat behind me told me: Why does she treat you like this? My bff can be cynical around me and I too around her. Later, these two girls, joined by another one, made fun of my bff. They imitated the things she said: (My name) let's go to the canteen etc. One of them called me a word that resembles the word servant. It bothered me. I started thinking more about whether I was too close to my bff for my own liking.
During college applications, I didn't want to be in the same university as her; we wanted similar fields to study. Because I was afraid I couldn't have other close ffriends. We are now in different colleges. In my university, I have a group of close friends; even though we've met 10 months ago. I like the freedom of being in a group of friends and not one, and since I have changed as a person since 10the grade, I can be more independent around them.
However, I still feel like I'm the one who is responsible from her. She told me that she has issues with her family.
Don't get me wrong: 2 years ago, I was so much worried about her. Right now, it has gone down but not completely. I have this really crazy scenarios in my head sometimes: What if she calls me and tells me that she's going to kill herself at that moment? What if she calls me to tell me that she killed someone else? What if one of her family member is a killer and if I learn this what will happen? Yeah... You can understand why I go to a therapist.
Here's the deal: My bff is not dependent to other people. She's a strong willed person and she has given me valuable advices in my hard times. I remember calling her one day because I got myself over a frenzy of whether I liked the feeling of burning my hand by touching the table lamp? (Therapist) I love her as a friend. I care about her. And deep down, when I can think sensbile, I know that she's a person that can carry her weight. But sometimes, I just get worried. I worry that something might happen to her and I may take the burden with her. Keep in mind that she is not suicidal, she2s got goals and she lives her life.
I know the problem derives from me. But, should I just be open to her about this? Or just handle it on my own?
I have a friend that I've been BFFs with since the first year of high school. She was the first person I met. After a couple of months, she didn't come to school for a week, stating she was sick. When she cam back, she told me that she tried killing herself. I was the only one that she told because she trusted me with that. After that, we became best friends. She was the closest friend in my high school.
In 10th grade, we got into an argument and were distant from each other for a while. (Even though we hung out together, which is weird I know.) During this time, she called me one evening: She was crying; she had been to a boy's house that she liked and the boy tried kissing her. She was freaked out. I wasn't gonna come to school the other day because there was gonna be a festival in school. But she begged me to come because she didn't want to stay at home and didn't want to be alone at school. When I stress out, my stomach gets very worse. The next morning, I threw up at school. (During those times, I had a sick stomach, many things including this issue, led me to see a therapist.)
In the summer of 10th grade, I had an image of me and her kissing. Just popped into my head during a tv scene. I obsessed over it, and spent my summer throwing up because of stress. Now, when I look back, I realize the feeling I have towards her is the fear of her being a burden to me.
In 11th grade, we were placed in different classes. Many recesses she came to my class and we hung out. But I started to feel like people were seeing me as a tail to my friend and I was too tied to her that I could'n have another close friend at my school. One time, a girl from my class asked me if I wanted to go to the cafeteria, I said no thanks. Then my BFF came and said let's go to the cafeteria. I did go with her and saw the girl who asked me to go to the cafeteria. I was embarrassed even though she laughed it off. I got so frustrated with this, I told my mom. During that period, I had a bad habit of telling every problem of mine to her. She got mad, at one point saying that I was my bff's dog.
Things went on like that. I started seeing a therapist at the second semester of 11th grade and I was open to my bff about how she hurt me during the argument we had in 10th grade.
In 12th grade, we were in different classes again. She came to my class frequently. One day, two girls that sat behind me told me: Why does she treat you like this? My bff can be cynical around me and I too around her. Later, these two girls, joined by another one, made fun of my bff. They imitated the things she said: (My name) let's go to the canteen etc. One of them called me a word that resembles the word servant. It bothered me. I started thinking more about whether I was too close to my bff for my own liking.
During college applications, I didn't want to be in the same university as her; we wanted similar fields to study. Because I was afraid I couldn't have other close ffriends. We are now in different colleges. In my university, I have a group of close friends; even though we've met 10 months ago. I like the freedom of being in a group of friends and not one, and since I have changed as a person since 10the grade, I can be more independent around them.
However, I still feel like I'm the one who is responsible from her. She told me that she has issues with her family.
Don't get me wrong: 2 years ago, I was so much worried about her. Right now, it has gone down but not completely. I have this really crazy scenarios in my head sometimes: What if she calls me and tells me that she's going to kill herself at that moment? What if she calls me to tell me that she killed someone else? What if one of her family member is a killer and if I learn this what will happen? Yeah... You can understand why I go to a therapist.
Here's the deal: My bff is not dependent to other people. She's a strong willed person and she has given me valuable advices in my hard times. I remember calling her one day because I got myself over a frenzy of whether I liked the feeling of burning my hand by touching the table lamp? (Therapist) I love her as a friend. I care about her. And deep down, when I can think sensbile, I know that she's a person that can carry her weight. But sometimes, I just get worried. I worry that something might happen to her and I may take the burden with her. Keep in mind that she is not suicidal, she2s got goals and she lives her life.
I know the problem derives from me. But, should I just be open to her about this? Or just handle it on my own?