Love or Pregnancy?

[Karpizzle777]

Hey all I am new to this forum and I need advice pretty soon. Okay so in a nutshell here's how it is; I have the opportunity to be with the girl of my dreams who I have adored for years who is finally interested in me or be with the mother of my child (I got incredibly drunk and had unprotected sex at a party). I have asked a few of my friends about what I should do and I get insufficient answers, anywhere from; "Do whatever you feel is right." to "Ayy man you banged her so you have got to stay with her." However I cannot pick what is right... my teenage crush? or the mother of my child? Whatever the outcome I am still not going to ever give up on the baby, what do all of you think I should do? (btw I am 15 and both girls are 16, this is due to me being put in school a year early) (also the girls of my dreams goes to my old school and the pregnant one goes to my new current school).

[Flapjack]

I would go with the one you love:) and for those that think that's not the moral decision, if he enters a relationship with a girl he doesn't like because of a child then they will likely end up splitting up later on in the child's development, causing more harm to the child.

Just because you're not dating her does not mean you should not be a father. Pay for your child, see and care for you child and be friends with the mother and support her.

[jamie_n5]

Well no matter what you do you are the father of that baby. That will be your responsibility for the rest of your life. Are you positive this girl is pregnant? As far as who to go with your heart will guide you as to what to do.

[Cadanance00]

There's not much future in a marriage without love, and the resentment of an unwanted child besides. I think there's far too much of that.

Much better to give up the baby and wait. For both of you.

[WhoWhatWhen]

If you do not love the girl you got pregnant, leave her. She probably is feeling the same way. But still be friends with her because you do have a child with her. For the other girl. As long as she knows what she's getting he self into, go for it. And if it doesn't work out then you will know you tried.

[Uniquemind]

As sad as this situation is for the girl who is carrying your baby.

Go with the girl whom you have adored for years.

[Flapjack]

Hope the OP updates us on what he chose:')

[Just JT]

Mimikyu me to. It's a good topic...

Like everyone else here, follow your heart but don't blow off your responsibility. Your kid needs a dad, and that's that. It sucks growing up with 1 parent. And if a boy, it's even worse with no dad I'm sure

The pregnant one will get over it in time I'm sure, but be respectful and kind, she's giving birth to your child

If you don't follow your heart and go after who you love you might be stuck with someone you don't love forever. And that would suck

[Karpizzle777]

Thanks all for the advice I am 100% sure shes pregnant she has already started getting a baby bump and we've had a test to make sure its mine. I will try my hardest to raise the baby with its mother however I will follow the overwhelming advice that you guys gave me and that is to be with the girl I want to be with.

[Cadanance00]

Thanks all for the advice I am 100% sure shes pregnant she has already started getting a baby bump and we've had a test to make sure its mine. I will try my hardest to raise the baby with its mother however I will follow the overwhelming advice that you guys gave me and that is to be with the girl I want to be with.

Best thing you could do is put the baby up for adoption.

As stupid as the thing you did is, I can understand. I did the same thing but she didn't get pregnant. There but for the grace of God go I.

[Just JT]

Cadanance00
I can't believe you just said that, with all due respect, you do not know all the OP's circumstances, and your blindly suggesting giving up your own child. That's a very personal choice that is very difficult for anyone to make I'm sure. Think how he feels reading something like that.

I'm sure he understands at least the statistics involved, but, many young people have had children who have grown into a thriving loving family.

Sorry for bit of a rant there, again, no disrespect intended, just wanted to point that out is all.

[Cadanance00]

Cadanance00
I can't believe you just said that, with all due respect, you do not know all the OP's circumstances, and your blindly suggesting giving up your own child. That's a very personal choice that is very difficult for anyone to make I'm sure. Think how he feels reading something like that.

I'm sure he understands at least the statistics involved, but, many young people have had children who have grown into a thriving loving family.

Sorry for bit of a rant there, again, no disrespect intended, just wanted to point that out is all.

I just see too much of it around here. A baby means dropping out of school, getting a low paying job to try to support a family, living on food stamps, in bad neighborhoods with bad schools, never getting trained for a well paying job and early divorce from the strain.
The stats on children growing up under such circumstances are just horrible. With lots of people wanting to adopt, why consign the child to that?

[Just JT]

Cadanance00
That's why in saying, we don't know OP's personal circumstances do we? His family may very well in a place they can handle all that financially. You just don't know. That's all I'm saying. And to jump to that conclusion, might make him feel something about what he's doing when it's not needed. I get the stats about it, but that doesn't mean everyone falls into that.

[bandofbros20]

yea if there is a baby i would say take care of the baby but go with who you love. but don't be quick about a choosing id say. take some time to make sure your positive about whom you love

[Zachary G]

It wouldnt do you any good to stay with a girl you have no feelings for despite her having your baby. You can still be there for the baby while being with the girl that you have stronger feelings for. The girlfriend will have to know and respect that you have a baby with this other girl and you have responsibilities where the child is concerend; and the babys mother is going to have to know and respect that you have feelings for another girl and it has nothing to do with her or the baby.

[Karpizzle777]

I just see too much of it around here. A baby means dropping out of school, getting a low paying job to try to support a family, living on food stamps, in bad neighborhoods with bad schools, never getting trained for a well paying job and early divorce from the strain.
The stats on children growing up under such circumstances are just horrible. With lots of people wanting to adopt, why consign the child to that?

I don't wish to brag or come across as arrogant but my family is perfectly well off. I should add that the baby's mother's family is well off as are most people who live in Australia. I'm not sure about where you live or grew up, but here in Australia we have two choices of schooling, public or private and in every state you have to stay in school no matter what until a certain age. Due to the age of dropping out being 17 in South Australia (the state where I live) there would be really no point of dropping out as due to my age I turn 17 half way through my final year of school, and if I somehow couldn't continue at a private school I could easily move to my local high school.

As mentioned above most Australians are very privileged, even people on the dol (Slang for Centerlink; Australian social security) have enough for food and rent. The government even has a youth allowance so that young people can afford to live. Add to that the added bonuses of food banks, soup kitchens and the food saver people (The people who give away food supermarkets won't sell due to cosmetic damage) I don't really think that food will be a problem. Also luckily there aren't many 'bad' or 'dangerous' suburbs around, the 'sketchy' places that come to my mind are places like Salisbury, Elizabeth, Davron park and Arndale but they aren't necessarily 'bad' neighborhoods they just generally populated by the lower socio-economic group (or lower class people). As long as you don't cause trouble these neighborhoods won't be trouble because in Australia no matter if your rich or poor, smart or dumb your still an Aussie and as long as you drink beer and are down to party you should be fine in most areas.

With your point of not being trained properly for a job and an early divorce, I am not married I don't even really believe in it tbh and luckily there a thing called government subsided university and HEX debt, so not only in uni cheaper but until you earn the minimum wage or above of about $36K a year you don't have to pay a single cent (given HEX debt is just like any other loan it gains interest and yada yada whatever).

What [MENTION=34754]jusJT said is spot on you didn't know my circumstances but surely a simple look to the left of my post you can see I'm from Australia, you do know we have 12th largest economy? (Usually earning roughly 1.3 trillion USD a year more than enough to provide for the needy in our country of 24 million) Also that public education is a thing in lots of developed western nations

Sorry for the rant I just wanted to emphasis that people who have babies during their teens aren't doomed to a life of misery and despair and that perhaps maybe think before you post

[Just JT]

Karpizzle777, I think that's great, I really do. It give you the chance to be a positive impact on your kids life, without all the struggles many young people have with being young parents.

Both Cadanance00 and myself are both from the USA, and is very different. Although there are many welfare programs that will help young families, is most of the time just not enough. Which is where I believe is where he's coming from. It happens so much, and puts the parents so far behind that it almost seems impossible to make it out of poverty. Even if you have a job and pays well, it's just not enough to support a family.

I'd never suggest someone my age have a kid, especially here. Imo I'd need to be done with my education have a good job and my career under way, and plenty of cash behind me. Cause if I didn't, and somethings happened, then there's nothing there. So yeah, you are very fortunate. Very lucky. So many people seem to think this or that about the USA. And I think the media puts it out there it's like this or that. And it's just not like that.
So yeah, that's awesome, I'm really happy for you.

[Uniquemind]

I don't wish to brag or come across as arrogant but my family is perfectly well off. I should add that the baby's mother's family is well off as are most people who live in Australia. I'm not sure about where you live or grew up, but here in Australia we have two choices of schooling, public or private and in every state you have to stay in school no matter what until a certain age. Due to the age of dropping out being 17 in South Australia (the state where I live) there would be really no point of dropping out as due to my age I turn 17 half way through my final year of school, and if I somehow couldn't continue at a private school I could easily move to my local high school.

As mentioned above most Australians are very privileged, even people on the dol (Slang for Centerlink; Australian social security) have enough for food and rent. The government even has a youth allowance so that young people can afford to live. Add to that the added bonuses of food banks, soup kitchens and the food saver people (The people who give away food supermarkets won't sell due to cosmetic damage) I don't really think that food will be a problem. Also luckily there aren't many 'bad' or 'dangerous' suburbs around, the 'sketchy' places that come to my mind are places like Salisbury, Elizabeth, Davron park and Arndale but they aren't necessarily 'bad' neighborhoods they just generally populated by the lower socio-economic group (or lower class people). As long as you don't cause trouble these neighborhoods won't be trouble because in Australia no matter if your rich or poor, smart or dumb your still an Aussie and as long as you drink beer and are down to party you should be fine in most areas.

With your point of not being trained properly for a job and an early divorce, I am not married I don't even really believe in it tbh and luckily there a thing called government subsided university and HEX debt, so not only in uni cheaper but until you earn the minimum wage or above of about $36K a year you don't have to pay a single cent (given HEX debt is just like any other loan it gains interest and yada yada whatever).

What [MENTION=34754]jusJT said is spot on you didn't know my circumstances but surely a simple look to the left of my post you can see I'm from Australia, you do know we have 12th largest economy? (Usually earning roughly 1.3 trillion USD a year more than enough to provide for the needy in our country of 24 million) Also that public education is a thing in lots of developed western nations

Sorry for the rant I just wanted to emphasis that people who have babies during their teens aren't doomed to a life of misery and despair and that perhaps maybe think before you post

The USA doesn't have that support structure, Australia does.

So in USA, it is statistical doom and gloom for some young parents, assuming their own parents (the grandparents) support them.

Not to mention a huge social and political stigma as well. Lots of hateful rhetoric by political campaigns against social safety net programs for individuals who make mistakes.

[Karpizzle777]

Ah right yeah America is quite different from over here, thanks again thanks for all the advice

[Flapjack]

Ah right yeah America is quite different from over here, thanks again thanks for all the advice
Soooo who are you choosing? :)

[LRSSS02]

Go with whoever you love most

[AussieNicholas]

Being in a relationship with someone you don't love is going to be bad for you, the mother, and the child as well. I'm glad that you're willing to support the child (I'm sixteen and could never do that). As long as you can stay in touch and support the child when you can, then it's entirely up to you who you should be with.