First serious relationship

[Alex1s]

So this is my first legit post. Hope it doesn't get too long.

Ok. So basically I'm 17 and I've kinda dated around before and I've hooked up before, but I've never been in a real long term relationship. This past school year I started dating my first "real" boyfriend and he's a little younger than me. He was a freshman and he's about to turn 15. I've known him kind of in passing outside of school through mutual friends but didn't really get to know him til this past year. Before, I thought he was older and he thought I was younger lol but age isn't really the problem.

He's kinda had this reputation as a bit of a player. And from all the rumors I've heard and there's been a lot going around he's like really hung and good. Anyway, since it's my first real relationship I've really taken it a lot slower on the sexual side of things. It's a few months in an I'm finally ready to take the next step and it's worked out well cause it's summer and we spend a lot of time together. BUT there's a little problem. He's really little. Like orally everything was good both ways but when it finally came to sex sex I just wasn't feeling it....literally. Like I loved the emotional connection but it really wasn't all that pleasurable. I've been faking it but I think he's caught on. I feel like I should lie to him. But I hate the idea of lying to him. He's a great guy and he's so nice and I don't want to like hurt his feelings or anything. What do you guys think I should do? I'm praying his downstairs hits that growth spurt the rest of his body did early. Is there any way to make the doing it part better???

[Flapjack]

I do not claim to be a sex expert- I'm not however I know there are different positions to help with this issue? If these do not work you could maybe try different sexual acts? You should be able to be honest in a relationship, it may not be the size.

[Alex1s]

TheFlapjack idk he's been pretty open about his past sexual activities and so have I. Because of his reputation I wanted to make sure we were on the same page. For a 14 year old I would say he's really experienced (embarrassing to admit but even more so than me). The other sex acts are all great...like he's really good. When it came to the actual sex though...like he knew what he was doing. I felt like I was shooting porn with all the different positions he has me flipping into lol. It's just that it's not just short (I'd say 4" maybe less give or take a few centimeters) but thin too. I'm also half worried that it might be me :/ like wtf am I loose?! He's like ultra self confident too so I don't think he's ever had this problem before.

[Flapjack]

@TheFlapjack (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/member.php?u=122060) idk he's been pretty open about his past sexual activities and so have I. Because of his reputation I wanted to make sure we were on the same page. For a 14 year old I would say he's really experienced (embarrassing to admit but even more so than me). The other sex acts are all great...like he's really good. When it came to the actual sex though...like he knew what he was doing. I felt like I was shooting porn with all the different positions he has me flipping into lol. It's just that it's not just short (I'd say 4" maybe less give or take a few centimeters) but thin too. I'm also half worried that it might be me :/ like wtf am I loose?! He's like ultra self confident too so I don't think he's ever had this problem before.
I cannot help you with this I'm sorry!! I personally do not like sex and so I obviously have no idea how to helpXD My advice would be to be honest and try to resolve an issue but please do not lose the one you love because of something like this!:)

[Alex1s]

I cannot help you with this I'm sorry!! I personally do not like sex and so I obviously have no idea how to helpXD My advice would be to be honest and try to resolve an issue but please do not lose the one you love because of something like this!:)

Thanks for trying! I appreciate the effort lol

My mind is blown that you don't like sex butttt that's a discussion for a different time xD

[Flapjack]

Thanks for trying! I appreciate the effort lol

My mind is blown that you don't like sex butttt that's a discussion for a different time xD
Yeah I am kinda weird like that xD A thought that just popped into my head- have you tried them thick ribbed condoms?

[jamie_n5]

Like TheFlapjack said there are different things and ways to try. If you are at the sexual part in a relationship then you must be fairly serious and close. As sexual partners you need to communicate your feelings. You need to talk to him about how you feel and work together to satisfy each others sexual needs.

[Alex1s]

have you tried them thick ribbed condoms?

Tbh I don't think he uses condoms cause they don't fit right but we stay safe cause I'm on the pill. The other thing is I don't really hate condoms but I don't really like using them either....they just don't feel good

[Flapjack]

Tbh I don't think he uses condoms cause they don't fit right but we stay safe cause I'm on the pill. The other thing is I don't really hate condoms but I don't really like using them either....they just don't feel good
Again I am no expert, I just thought it would help because it seems you think he is too thin:)

[Alex1s]

Jamie_n we're really close and communicate well....this is just a touch thing to communicate. Like it's hard for me to picture myself saying "I can't really feel your dick when we have sex".

I'm having a hard time finding a gentle way to say it lol. I think it also makes it harder that the sex has been great for him and he's like thoroughly enjoyed every second.

[jamie_n5]

Well you are a good patient partner. I think you deserve to enjoy it too. Like the old saying "It's not the size of the tool but it's how you use it." You need to talk to him and start trying different things.

[ashdyn]

I know you're still 17 but maybe you could try getting a toy online to help you out when it comes to penetration

[Tesserax]

I would say get him to "finish" you off with oral, but don't expect it immediately. Men need a bit of time to recover after orgasm, our bodies are designed to basically shut down afterwards to improve chances of conception, so we kind of just lie there and don't move so the semen isn't fished out by the penis. So give him a minute or two, and then politely ask him if he can give you oral, and hopefully he will oblige (which would also indicate that to some extent he cares)

[Alex1s]

I would say get him to "finish" you off with oral, but don't expect it immediately. Men need a bit of time to recover after orgasm, our bodies are designed to basically shut down afterwards to improve chances of conception, so we kind of just lie there and don't move so the semen isn't fished out by the penis. So give him a minute or two, and then politely ask him if he can give you oral, and hopefully he will oblige (which would also indicate that to some extent he cares)

That would pretty much be ideal but I don't think he would put his mouth back down there after he finishes in me. Maybe I'll try to get him to maybe go back to fingering after tho. I really don't get why most guys are scared of their own cum lmao

[SethfromMI]

well some things to keep in mind. if he is still 15 he still does have time to grow down there. not saying he will, but it is def possible.

as far as if you should tell him the truth or not that can be a tough call to make. no guy wants to hear that and it could most certainly put a damper on the relationship. you might decide you love him for everything else, but that just might be an area he is not good at right now and it is not worth ruining the relationship over. on the other hand, we are sexual beings and you might want to be with someone who can fulfill those sexual needs if he is not able to.

I guess as far as telling him you got to decide which one is more important. if you want to wait to see if it gets better, there is that too. it is interesting he has such a reputation, but it sounds like he does not really know what he is doing.

on a different note, if he is not using a condom, I would recommend you being on the pill if you are not already.

[ClaraWho]

Assuming he was having sex with girls his own age, they may not have been very developed either (think of first time masturbating not being as good as now). Thus the reputation and ego. The moral of that story is if someone brags a lot about how great they are in bed, or how huge their penis is, the reality is probably a massive disappointment. I mean he's not even average...

Other than introduce toys I don't really see what you could do to 'feel it' more. Thin and short is thin and short...

~ Clara

[Alex1s]

Assuming he was having sex with girls his own age, they may not have been very developed either (think of first time masturbating not being as good as now). Thus the reputation and ego. The moral of that story is if someone brags a lot about how great they are in bed, or how huge their penis is, the reality is probably a massive disappointment. I mean he's not even average...

Other than introduce toys I don't really see what you could do to 'feel it' more. Thin and short is thin and short...

~ Clara

Sadly...I've learned that lesson now lol

The toy idea sounds good. It would help me get around having that awkward conversation but I'm 17 so I can't go to a shop and getting a dildo shipped to my house is pretty risky. Ughhh I would find the perfect boyfriend only for him to be disappointing at sex D:

SethfromMI I so hope he's still growing! He's pretty ripped and has really good muscle definition but I guess you would consider him still kinda short. I'm 5'2 and he's only a little taller than me. He shaves his pubes so idk what's going on down there but his legs are pretty hairless, but I think it might be a family thing cause his older brother isn't really a hair guy at all.

I haven't measured or anything but I'd say he's under 4" and about as thick as my thumb...please tell me there's still hope for him. Tbh I think I could make the length work as long as there's some thickness. Did the thickness for you come sort of all at once like height with most guys or was is a really slow and gradual process?

Posts merged. Please use the "edit" I or "multi quote" button next time. ~City Kid

[jamie_n5]

Well hopefully for his sake too he will grow more. Girth growth kind of comes at the end of penis development. Are his testicles in sync with the size of his penis or are they larger in comparison? If they are larger he may be just one of the guys that is going to have a smaller penis. I still think if you suggest to him hey can we try this or that and find a way you both get more pleasure. Good luck and I hope you find more pleasure.

[SethfromMI]

SethfromMI I so hope he's still growing! He's pretty ripped and has really good muscle definition but I guess you would consider him still kinda short. I'm 5'2 and he's only a little taller than me. He shaves his pubes so idk what's going on down there but his legs are pretty hairless, but I think it might be a family thing cause his older brother isn't really a hair guy at all.

I haven't measured or anything but I'd say he's under 4" and about as thick as my thumb...please tell me there's still hope for him. Tbh I think I could make the length work as long as there's some thickness. Did the thickness for you come sort of all at once like height with most guys or was is a really slow and gradual process?

I developed down there quicker (thankfully) but for some guys, it is more gradual. some guys aren't naturally very hairy (I'm not). he is only 15 so he still has some time to develop for sure, just might be a late bloomer (which means he might develop rapidly once it starts)

[Alex1s]

I developed down there quicker (thankfully) but for some guys, it is more gradual. some guys aren't naturally very hairy (I'm not). he is only 15 so he still has some time to develop for sure, just might be a late bloomer (which means he might develop rapidly once it starts)

That growth spurt can't come soon enough lmao especially cause he wants t do it all the time. I actually want it too but yeahhh D:


Jamie_n his balls seem kinda big but only in comparison to his dick. They're not like huge or anything tho.

[jamie_n5]

Well I hope for both of you he totally grows. Please for you both communicate. I am gay but either way communicate.

[Tesserax]

That would pretty much be ideal but I don't think he would put his mouth back down there after he finishes in me. Maybe I'll try to get him to maybe go back to fingering after tho. I really don't get why most guys are scared of their own cum lmao

It's instinct. Admittedly and embarrassingly, I've tried to taste my own cum before. The issue wasn't the taste, but actually putting it in/near my mouth in the first place. It's a natural instinct that disgusts us. It's for evolutionary purposes, the prospect of digesting it or even having it near our mouth lowers the probability of the girl actually becoming pregnant, therefore we are less inclined to do so than women whose duty in impregnation is simply to receive rather than give.

How much foreplay do you do? Try to get him to do a bit more, it can enhance your probability of achieving orgasm (so I hear) if you're more aroused beforehand, and you can be more sexually stimulated as you do it, essentially giving you a head start on him towards the big O. Different positions may also help, you could try something slower, like a straddling position where you are more in control of the pace and it's less about penetration and drilling but rather the grinding, which is more beneficial for the female.

[Uniquemind]

Make sure there is enough mental foreplay, and buildup.

But also for yourself practice Kegel exercises like a workout routine regularly on the hour.

My honest opinion is they should teach it in sex ed, and in physical education for girls...it is a muscle.

In regards to obtaining sex toys as a minor, I got mine through my friends older sibling who has a credit card, and it's basically my "Underground Railroad" for sexual products. In return I pay cash back.

[SethfromMI]

That growth spurt can't come soon enough lmao especially cause he wants t do it all the time. I actually want it too but yeahhh D:


Jamie_n his balls seem kinda big but only in comparison to his dick. They're not like huge or anything tho.

well at that point you got to decide if he is still worth being in a relationship, even if the sex is not great. some people just never get good at sex, even when they do get bigger. if you love them, it might not be critical, even though sex pleasure is indeed important

[Alex1s]

well at that point you got to decide if he is still worth being in a relationship, even if the sex is not great. some people just never get good at sex, even when they do get bigger. if you love them, it might not be critical, even though sex pleasure is indeed important

I'm like positive he's worth waiting for. He's the best guy I've ever been with and we just go so well together in every way. I know he's going to be good at sex after he grows a little...he's really good at the other stuff lol ;)

The weird thing is...I still like when we get to the point in sex when he's actually in me. Like I love feeling that close to him. It's just not as mind blowing physically.

[Uniquemind]

well at that point you got to decide if he is still worth being in a relationship, even if the sex is not great. some people just never get good at sex, even when they do get bigger. if you love them, it might not be critical, even though sex pleasure is indeed important

I'm like positive he's worth waiting for. He's the best guy I've ever been with and we just go so well together in every way. I know he's going to be good at sex after he grows a little...he's really good at the other stuff lol ;)

The weird thing is...I still like when we get to the point in sex when he's actually in me. Like I love feeling that close to him. It's just not as mind blowing physically.




The problem here though in scenarios like these where the emotional connection is there but the physical is not, is that it makes "other people" more tempting who also offer a great emotional connection and maybe a better physical side to the relationship.

It's basically a setup or mental trap for unhappiness in the long term if sexual satisfaction is absent or underwhelming.

Aka: this might lead to a tempting "I'm gonna cheat scenario" and then someone ends up getting hurt, rather than making a decision now early on in the relationship.

So something to think about.


I had a similar situation, and after a few weeks deliberation I decided I was gonna walk away.

[Alex1s]

The problem here though in scenarios like these where the emotional connection is there but the physical is not, is that it makes "other people" more tempting who also offer a great emotional connection and maybe a better physical side to the relationship.

It's basically a setup or mental trap for unhappiness in the long term if sexual satisfaction is absent or underwhelming.

Aka: this might lead to a tempting "I'm gonna cheat scenario" and then someone ends up getting hurt, rather than making a decision now early on in the relationship.

So something to think about.


I had a similar situation, and after a few weeks deliberation I decided I was gonna walk away.


Cheating for me is never an option. If it came to it I guess I'd leave if I got that bad. But honestly that's never crossed my mind. There's just so much I like about him that I can't see myself leaving him for his one shortcoming lol

[SethfromMI]

at the end of the day, if you love him, him not being the greatest at sex will be something you have to live with if you are going to be together. everyone has to start off with sex at some place. any get better, some are never spectacular. the question is though, is my love for them strong enough?

not being sexually satisfied can most certainly lead to temptation down the road, but that is just where you are going to have to be strong and say, I will never give in as you already said you will not do

so in the mean time, try different things and wait for it to get better haha

[Uniquemind]

Cheating for me is never an option. If it came to it I guess I'd leave if I got that bad. But honestly that's never crossed my mind. There's just so much I like about him that I can't see myself leaving him for his one shortcoming lol

No offense but I've heard that same reply from a couple of friends of mine in the same scenario as you.

1.5 years in for them, she cheated, she said she wasn't the cheating type either, but I was her friend in confession-confidence.

Just be aware of it.

[Hyper]

Broadly speaking, there really is no such thing as being ''loose'', so don't worry about that.

If everything else is right try to get off on the foreplay, guide him along so it lasts longer. And you can always help yourself out while doing penetration by stimulating yourself.

Clitoral climax is after all much more easily achievable than vaginal climax.
You could also try to take more control yourself position wise and see if there's a position, angle that does more for you.

I would definitely not say or comment anything on his size, I can't imagine what that would do to your relationship, not to mention the self-esteem and sexual confidence of a 15 year old. Just hope ''it'' grows and try to make what is already there work, generally the longer you are with someone the better the sex becomes, assuming partners communicate what they like or don't like.

[Alex1s]

Hyper I think part of it is just that we've just started having sex regularly and it was a bit surprising. The more sex we have the more little adjustments I can figure out to get myself off. In the meantime I'll just ignore his dirty talk lol he loves mentioning how tight I am and how deep he is :p

[ashdyn]

You could also try anal. He's small so you shouldn't have too much trouble at all. My gf doesn't really enjoy anal but she did say it was extremely intense. That might help you out. Anal orgasms are actually a thing for girls too.

[Uniquemind]

Hyper I think part of it is just that we've just started having sex regularly and it was a bit surprising. The more sex we have the more little adjustments I can figure out to get myself off. In the meantime I'll just ignore his dirty talk lol he loves mentioning how tight I am and how deep he is :p

Isn't that what all guys say though?

[Alex1s]

Isn't that what all guys say though?

This is true lmao
ashdyn I've never even thought about this! I've never tried anal before because I was always scared about how much it would hurt. I guess my bf would be the perfect guy to try with lol

[Uniquemind]

This is true lmao
ashdyn I've never even thought about this! I've never tried anal before because I was always scared about how much it would hurt. I guess my bf would be the perfect guy to try with lol

There's a silver lining I guess.

Apparently there's a whole process to this too involving fasting and cleansing the digestive tract to it's as clean as possible for such a trial run.

[Cadanance00]

He shaves his pubes so idk what's going on down there but his legs are pretty hairless.

I haven't measured or anything but I'd say he's under 4" and about as thick as my thumb...

Hmm. He's 14, hairless and short with a small dick. I'd say there's a good chance he's not finished with puberty and he's going to grow. I've got thin hair and was a little later with puberty than my friends, so it's possible.

[Alex1s]

Hmm. He's 14, hairless and short with a small dick. I'd say there's a good chance he's not finished with puberty and he's going to grow. I've got thin hair and was a little later with puberty than my friends, so it's possible.

Did you gain a significant amount of dick size in a pretty short amount of time?

[Cadanance00]

Did you gain a significant amount of dick size in a pretty short amount of time?

Yeh, just a few months.

[Uniquemind]

This is true lmao
ashdyn I've never even thought about this! I've never tried anal before because I was always scared about how much it would hurt. I guess my bf would be the perfect guy to try with lol

So wait, your current BF's dirty talk in bed is a problem for you in the relationship?

For some it's a turn on (my preference), for others it's a complete turn off and they have to ignore it.

[mattsmith48]

When I dont make my gf orgasm through sex I always give her oral after maybe you guys could try that it until he grows up a little

[Uniquemind]

When I dont make my gf orgasm through sex I always give her oral after maybe you guys could try that it until he grows up a little

I think they are.

But the main point was that a certain level of emotional closeness and bonding is specifically tied to intercourse itself.

Therefore affecting the relationship. How much that matters long term remains to be seen.

[Alex1s]

So wait, your current BF's dirty talk in bed is a problem for you in the relationship?

For some it's a turn on (my preference), for others it's a complete turn off and they have to ignore it.

I don't mind it. I actually enjoy most of it. It's just ironic sometimes lol

[sambeans]

Are you truly bothered by this issue? Have you thought about long term? what if he doesn't grow etc... what then? Is it something you can live with?

[Alex1s]

Are you truly bothered by this issue? Have you thought about long term? what if he doesn't grow etc... what then? Is it something you can live with?

I really hope we're going to be a long term couple. We're really good together. If it doesn't get better then I'm sure we'll find a way to work it out. I'm not with him for the sex lol

[sambeans]

Ok. Fair enough. There are other ways of being fulfilled I guess. as long as he is good with other ways of pleasing then it should be ok.

[Uniquemind]

I really hope we're going to be a long term couple. We're really good together. If it doesn't get better then I'm sure we'll find a way to work it out. I'm not with him for the sex lol

If that's your mindset then you'll be fine in the long run.

[Emerald Dream]

The OP is banned. :locked: