My Dad died and I feel empty

[Gabe_Is_Confused]

I've tried to make my entrance into this forum as non-depressing as possible.

But I cant hold it back anymore. I can't deny it.

My dad passed away about 3 weeks ago. I wont get super into the details...but here's what I will tell you. He was drunk and he was at his mom's house (he and my mom had seperated 2 years ago) and he fell down the basement stairs. This caused him to fall into a coma. After 2 weeks the doctors basically told us that we either have to let him go, or let him live in a coma in a nursing home. But, if we did that there was a certain chance he would die from infections.

So, we let him go. We wouldn't have let him suffer in a coma for the rest of his life.

I didn't want to be in the room as he passed. But as soon as my sister told me he was gone, I just felt..........empty inside. Like his death was a gun and it shot my soul, leaving a hole in it. I felt a cluster of emotions, anger, sadness, & grief. I've kept silent about my feelings because I can't describe them with words. All I know is that they make me feel empty.

And to make things worse for my mentaility, my sister had her baby right before the day we let him go. One day, I'm an uncle, and the other I'm a mourner. What am I supposed to feel like? Happy? Sad? Mad? It's just so frustrating! It made me question my christian faith. It made me feel like God was making a joke and my life was the punchline.

We had his funeral a few days ago. And at it I just felt awful. I was remembering all of our moments together and it overwhelmed me. All the times we went fishing, the times we had watching Star Wars together....it practically killed me. He died at 41, never got to see his grand daughter, and died thinking we all hated him. Why would God do this to us? What life lesson did he learn?

Life has been an emotional rollar coaster that I have fell off of. I think I'm going off the deep end. My mind just keeps forcing me to not think about him, but it's impossible. Why'd he have to go so soon? He wasn't the best dad, but damnit, he was my dad. I don't think he ever realized that I didn't hate him. I only hated him when he drunk. I enjoyed his company when he was sober. It just isn't fair.

....

So, I guess that's how I feel. I just don't know what to do with myself or my mind. I could never kill myself, I can't even bare with the thought of my family mourning my death. And yet, I can't release the feelings of my grief. I have no privacy since we've been in a hotel because my sister's baby was born premature and we have to visit her until she gets discharged.

I just don't know what to do.

[kylem1229]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss of your father. The closest family member I have ever lost was a distant uncle. Theres 2 quotes that I like that I found the other day that relate to death situations

1. Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happend

2. Dont be sad because youre saying goodbye, you should be happy because you have memories with them that you will cherish forever.

Death is not necessarily a bad thing, its meant to happen, but sometimes not the time that we expect it. Those quotes basically mean dont be sad about the loss, but enjoy the memories and the fun times that were shared with eachother. Dont cry about it, but be happy over the fun things that were done with eachother.

[jamie_n5]

First of all I am so sorry for the loss of your dad you have my total sympathies.
I know what a shock it must be and how hard it is to deal with the emotions and adjustment. In what you say it sounds like your dad was very unhappy and was having trouble adjusting to being divorced. I just hope that you and your sister will talk and help each other through the grief and adjustment. Again I feel for you and hang in there. Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to.

[Just JT]

Hello Gabe, I'm sorry for your loss, and I can honestly say, I know exactly how you feel. My dad died in a car crash when he was driving drunk about 18 months ago. The sudden shock is the worst, hollowing feeling. I'm literally tearing up right now posting this feeling exactly how you do now.


I'm not guna lie to you ok? This is probably guna be the hardest time of your life. If you, when you, get through this, you'll be able to get past anything. I'm sure your dad and you were close, so your losing more than just a dad. A best friend, "the one" you could say anything to and never feel judged right?

For now, embrace your family, family is good, yiur fortunate you have them. And they are going through the same loss as you are. Lean on each other cause you all need each other right now. Yiur feelings are normal, and valid, just please trust me on that, and it does get better. The pain will probably never leave, but it does get easier. Just try and remember all the good times, keep happy thoughts about him. And talk to him often.

If you ever need to chat, I'm almost always a pm or VM away. May not be right away, but start that communication chain now before it get to far outa control. With anyone, here in this thread, me, family, friends, minister, anyone.

And in case you need it, I know I did, but never got it

:hug:

[hesaidhesaid]

I've tried to make my entrance into this forum as non-depressing as possible.

But I cant hold it back anymore. I can't deny it.

My dad passed away about 3 weeks ago. I wont get super into the details...but here's what I will tell you. He was drunk and he was at his mom's house (he and my mom had seperated 2 years ago) and he fell down the basement stairs. This caused him to fall into a coma. After 2 weeks the doctors basically told us that we either have to let him go, or let him live in a coma in a nursing home. But, if we did that there was a certain chance he would die from infections.

So, we let him go. We wouldn't have let him suffer in a coma for the rest of his life.

I didn't want to be in the room as he passed. But as soon as my sister told me he was gone, I just felt..........empty inside. Like his death was a gun and it shot my soul, leaving a hole in it. I felt a cluster of emotions, anger, sadness, & grief. I've kept silent about my feelings because I can't describe them with words. All I know is that they make me feel empty.

And to make things worse for my mentaility, my sister had her baby right before the day we let him go. One day, I'm an uncle, and the other I'm a mourner. What am I supposed to feel like? Happy? Sad? Mad? It's just so frustrating! It made me question my christian faith. It made me feel like God was making a joke and my life was the punchline.

We had his funeral a few days ago. And at it I just felt awful. I was remembering all of our moments together and it overwhelmed me. All the times we went fishing, the times we had watching Star Wars together....it practically killed me. He died at 41, never got to see his grand daughter, and died thinking we all hated him. Why would God do this to us? What life lesson did he learn?

Life has been an emotional rollar coaster that I have fell off of. I think I'm going off the deep end. My mind just keeps forcing me to not think about him, but it's impossible. Why'd he have to go so soon? He wasn't the best dad, but damnit, he was my dad. I don't think he ever realized that I didn't hate him. I only hated him when he drunk. I enjoyed his company when he was sober. It just isn't fair.

....

So, I guess that's how I feel. I just don't know what to do with myself or my mind. I could never kill myself, I can't even bare with the thought of my family mourning my death. And yet, I can't release the feelings of my grief. I have no privacy since we've been in a hotel because my sister's baby was born premature and we have to visit her until she gets discharged.

I just don't know what to do.

Mister, come give me a hug. I feel utterly awful for you- but you know what. I'm not going to offer sympathy. I'm going to offer friendship. I have found in my life the best solution to any negativity you can't solve yourself is to find comfort in friendship. I'm also going to offer this thought- life isn't fair by nature. It explains why good things happen to bad people and vice versa. You should have the ability to release your grief because life isn't fair and so I thank you for sharing that with all of us. Sometimes, you hate people- it's true. But you only hate something truly while you still have it and are gratified to have it. When you don't have it anymore that's when the happy memories begin to flow back- and the story becomes much more well rounded.

I hope Gabe you find your happy again. Talk to me if you need to.

With all my best wishes and love,

H x

[Gabe_Is_Confused]

Thanks guys. You wouldn't believe how much your replies have helped me. My niece has finally got discharged from the hospital so now I'm back in my hometown. So, I'm doing ok now, I guess. I've gotten a lot of privacy and life doesn't seem as awful as it did about a week ago.

Thank you all, so much.