kittycat72
June 25th, 2016, 02:03 AM
Alright, first off, thank you for seeing if you can help me at all, but i'll just say first off that this is a complicated huge relationship thing, but i'll try to put the history in brief.
PAST:
OK, so there is a girl who I really like (I think I'm in love, but I'm still in high school so maybe I don't know the true definition of love), and in middle school, she told me she liked me. I didn't know what she meant at the time, but late middle school, I realized I had feelings for her, and I told her, and she said she still had feelings for me also, but the problem was she had a boyfriend by that time. I think the reason why they got together was because he got her at her most vulnerable part of her life, right when her parents were going through a divorce. So he played the part of the comforting companion. Starting freshman year of high school, it was safe to say me and her liked one another romantically, and she even said at some point that she sometime wishes that she went out with me instead of her boyfriend currently. She also said that if everything was a blank slate, and she had the option to choose between me and her boyfriend to go out with, she would choose me easily. This made me feel really close with her, hence partially why I feel so attached to her. She every now and then complements me in a romantic way, and shes wanted to kiss me, and we plan on doing it at these parties I have, but the past two times either I didn't know what she wanted me to do (I felt so stupid lmao) or that I didn't know I was supposed to be the one making moves. We've stayed up for several hours through out nights and days skyping, playing agar.io, and I'm almost certain that we both enjoyed it. Now that's the past. Here's the drastic present :<
PRESENT: A month ago, she started acting odd the morning after a skype call that ended pretty happily. She asked that morning if we could just be friends and talk like friends rather than secret lovers. So in short, she was friend-zoning me. I tried to talk her out of it and reason with her, but she turned into a forceful thing then. I kept asking if she still had feelings, she said it doesn't matter and that she had loved me, which really broke my heart because she never before said she loved me, until now, but she said it past tense so its bad also. The reason she was doing this all was because she has heavy guilt because shes sorta kinda cheating with her boyfriend by keeping me as her secret lover (I know I don't like the fact that shes cheating on him with me, but to be honest, I seriously feel like I can't live without her and I can't just turn to some other girl because no one else is the same as her. Also I want to point out that her and her boyfriend get into fights constantly and I feel bad for her.). Eventually, I forgot how, we went back to normal after several days or so (maybe 5-7 days) and she seemed good again. We got back to our regular relationship status, plus even more because she started sometimes saying in skype calls "I love you" or tried saying something heavily implying those words, but specifically said she can't say them because shes not allowed to, but she does want to say them. So pretty much, she did love me. I just want to point out that she took some of this relationship stuff pretty far with things like suggestive pictures and stuff, and I didn't ask for most, she just literally wanted to lol. But alright. So everything seems great, right? NOWWWW heres the drastic drastic present present.
PRESENT PRESENT: Last week, she was getting extra annoyed at my constant "spamming" and that when she doesn't reply, I used to say she was ignoring me (because she would stay on other things and do other things, but not reply until like 10 minutes later). It turned into pretty heated for her, and in fact she blocked me on Skype, Instagram, Xbox, and IMessage. My only form of communication was to snapchat her, which after a decent amount of apologizing and waiting a day or so, we we're back to normal and she unblocked me and stuff. Then we were "ok". Something didn't feel right because she wasn't acting super normal and she was very picky on me over messaging. Eventually, I asked her what was wrong and she said that she gets stressed out when I mix love into our conversations and then her guilt makes her angry. So I suggested that we keep emotions 100% tucked away, and she said that was good. Then I realized that could be kinda sad for me, so I said I didn't know, so she skyped me for the first time in a week or so, and she immediately said that she didn't have feelings for me, but she used to. Dang. I hung up because she was serious and I couldn't keep talking like that, so I messaged her "So you want him, period?" referring to her boyfriend. She said yes, and so I broke :D I started cursing her sorta out and her boyfriend and telling her how much pain she's causing me. We kept going, her acting like "I was taking this too dramatically", and we fought. I kept asking why, or was she serious, and she said yes she was serious, and she wouldn't say why. She also at one point almost started intentional over doing the drama. But it soon became serious. She wouldn't take most of it seriously at all. She acted like it was a big game. She kept saying "lol" or "lmao" or seeming like she was trying to intentionally make it less serious. The next day I kept asking why and what not and to give me another chance or to think about it, and she said no, she won't change her mind. She then said she never liked me, and so I asked what about previously, and she acted confused and said "she liked me as a friend" and "she loves me like a friend" and keeps trying to act like nothing happened and wants me as a best friend, which I understand why, but she let me down too harshly. She kept telling me to stop talking to her and to quit messaging her and to leave her alone. I kept begging for forgiveness and she didn't care. Literally, she said she didn't care, and she did the same blocking as previously. Today, I made some headway and she said she was done with how I've been acting towards her, and I apologized for recent things, and she said its not even the recent stuff, but all the time how I treat her, saying that she tells me to stop things I do, and I don't (I don't recall anything like that...?). I tell her that I can fix it, and she says I can't, so I tell her to let me act better for tonight to show her I can do better, and she replies instantly with "leave me alone" so I say I'll leave her alone, but if she could think about it, then that'd be great. She then replies saying in caps to leave her alone and that shes done with my bs and she hasn't even read half of the large messages I've sent her expressing my feelings and apologies. heh. That's how far it goes. Then tomorrow (Saturday) I have a friend's birthday party at the movies with 5 other girls, Including the girl I've been talking about is going to be there with her best friends. She previously said to sit by her at the movies so we can "talk about it" and she said this while she was saying she she didn't like me and kept screaming it at me, so I'm guessing all she'd do at the movies is just make my day and tell me it straight to my face. I definitely don't feel comfortable especially with her around trying to act like nothing happened.
FINALLYYYYY, my FINAL QUESTIONS: Alright, THANK YOUUU if you actually read any of that lol but ok, so my final concerns are:
1. She doesn't act this weird before. Is she really serious? Or is this just a thing with her guilty stuff? I suspect personally this is just temporary like the previous situation a month ago, but it wasn't this bad either. (FYI she is moderately religious, hence her super wanting to not sin)
2. How should I deal with it? (if you say to let her go, honestly I don't think I can do that.)
3. Should I go to the movies tomorrow with her and her friends (Saturday)? If I should, what should I do? She seems like she wants me to go to the movies so that I don't hurt her friend in not going because it's her friend's birthday. She doesn't really seem like she cares if I go for her own self. She said if I want to, I don't have to talk to her the whole time.
THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOO MUCH FOR READING
I hope you can help me out. Sorry I had to put so much text. I'm better at putting too much rather than too little. Thank you again!
PAST:
OK, so there is a girl who I really like (I think I'm in love, but I'm still in high school so maybe I don't know the true definition of love), and in middle school, she told me she liked me. I didn't know what she meant at the time, but late middle school, I realized I had feelings for her, and I told her, and she said she still had feelings for me also, but the problem was she had a boyfriend by that time. I think the reason why they got together was because he got her at her most vulnerable part of her life, right when her parents were going through a divorce. So he played the part of the comforting companion. Starting freshman year of high school, it was safe to say me and her liked one another romantically, and she even said at some point that she sometime wishes that she went out with me instead of her boyfriend currently. She also said that if everything was a blank slate, and she had the option to choose between me and her boyfriend to go out with, she would choose me easily. This made me feel really close with her, hence partially why I feel so attached to her. She every now and then complements me in a romantic way, and shes wanted to kiss me, and we plan on doing it at these parties I have, but the past two times either I didn't know what she wanted me to do (I felt so stupid lmao) or that I didn't know I was supposed to be the one making moves. We've stayed up for several hours through out nights and days skyping, playing agar.io, and I'm almost certain that we both enjoyed it. Now that's the past. Here's the drastic present :<
PRESENT: A month ago, she started acting odd the morning after a skype call that ended pretty happily. She asked that morning if we could just be friends and talk like friends rather than secret lovers. So in short, she was friend-zoning me. I tried to talk her out of it and reason with her, but she turned into a forceful thing then. I kept asking if she still had feelings, she said it doesn't matter and that she had loved me, which really broke my heart because she never before said she loved me, until now, but she said it past tense so its bad also. The reason she was doing this all was because she has heavy guilt because shes sorta kinda cheating with her boyfriend by keeping me as her secret lover (I know I don't like the fact that shes cheating on him with me, but to be honest, I seriously feel like I can't live without her and I can't just turn to some other girl because no one else is the same as her. Also I want to point out that her and her boyfriend get into fights constantly and I feel bad for her.). Eventually, I forgot how, we went back to normal after several days or so (maybe 5-7 days) and she seemed good again. We got back to our regular relationship status, plus even more because she started sometimes saying in skype calls "I love you" or tried saying something heavily implying those words, but specifically said she can't say them because shes not allowed to, but she does want to say them. So pretty much, she did love me. I just want to point out that she took some of this relationship stuff pretty far with things like suggestive pictures and stuff, and I didn't ask for most, she just literally wanted to lol. But alright. So everything seems great, right? NOWWWW heres the drastic drastic present present.
PRESENT PRESENT: Last week, she was getting extra annoyed at my constant "spamming" and that when she doesn't reply, I used to say she was ignoring me (because she would stay on other things and do other things, but not reply until like 10 minutes later). It turned into pretty heated for her, and in fact she blocked me on Skype, Instagram, Xbox, and IMessage. My only form of communication was to snapchat her, which after a decent amount of apologizing and waiting a day or so, we we're back to normal and she unblocked me and stuff. Then we were "ok". Something didn't feel right because she wasn't acting super normal and she was very picky on me over messaging. Eventually, I asked her what was wrong and she said that she gets stressed out when I mix love into our conversations and then her guilt makes her angry. So I suggested that we keep emotions 100% tucked away, and she said that was good. Then I realized that could be kinda sad for me, so I said I didn't know, so she skyped me for the first time in a week or so, and she immediately said that she didn't have feelings for me, but she used to. Dang. I hung up because she was serious and I couldn't keep talking like that, so I messaged her "So you want him, period?" referring to her boyfriend. She said yes, and so I broke :D I started cursing her sorta out and her boyfriend and telling her how much pain she's causing me. We kept going, her acting like "I was taking this too dramatically", and we fought. I kept asking why, or was she serious, and she said yes she was serious, and she wouldn't say why. She also at one point almost started intentional over doing the drama. But it soon became serious. She wouldn't take most of it seriously at all. She acted like it was a big game. She kept saying "lol" or "lmao" or seeming like she was trying to intentionally make it less serious. The next day I kept asking why and what not and to give me another chance or to think about it, and she said no, she won't change her mind. She then said she never liked me, and so I asked what about previously, and she acted confused and said "she liked me as a friend" and "she loves me like a friend" and keeps trying to act like nothing happened and wants me as a best friend, which I understand why, but she let me down too harshly. She kept telling me to stop talking to her and to quit messaging her and to leave her alone. I kept begging for forgiveness and she didn't care. Literally, she said she didn't care, and she did the same blocking as previously. Today, I made some headway and she said she was done with how I've been acting towards her, and I apologized for recent things, and she said its not even the recent stuff, but all the time how I treat her, saying that she tells me to stop things I do, and I don't (I don't recall anything like that...?). I tell her that I can fix it, and she says I can't, so I tell her to let me act better for tonight to show her I can do better, and she replies instantly with "leave me alone" so I say I'll leave her alone, but if she could think about it, then that'd be great. She then replies saying in caps to leave her alone and that shes done with my bs and she hasn't even read half of the large messages I've sent her expressing my feelings and apologies. heh. That's how far it goes. Then tomorrow (Saturday) I have a friend's birthday party at the movies with 5 other girls, Including the girl I've been talking about is going to be there with her best friends. She previously said to sit by her at the movies so we can "talk about it" and she said this while she was saying she she didn't like me and kept screaming it at me, so I'm guessing all she'd do at the movies is just make my day and tell me it straight to my face. I definitely don't feel comfortable especially with her around trying to act like nothing happened.
FINALLYYYYY, my FINAL QUESTIONS: Alright, THANK YOUUU if you actually read any of that lol but ok, so my final concerns are:
1. She doesn't act this weird before. Is she really serious? Or is this just a thing with her guilty stuff? I suspect personally this is just temporary like the previous situation a month ago, but it wasn't this bad either. (FYI she is moderately religious, hence her super wanting to not sin)
2. How should I deal with it? (if you say to let her go, honestly I don't think I can do that.)
3. Should I go to the movies tomorrow with her and her friends (Saturday)? If I should, what should I do? She seems like she wants me to go to the movies so that I don't hurt her friend in not going because it's her friend's birthday. She doesn't really seem like she cares if I go for her own self. She said if I want to, I don't have to talk to her the whole time.
THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOO MUCH FOR READING
I hope you can help me out. Sorry I had to put so much text. I'm better at putting too much rather than too little. Thank you again!