"You're too cold"

[Jinglebottom]

I have honestly lost count of how many times this phrase has been used to describe me. Why do people automatically assume that, if I'm not necessarily comfortable with talking to them, then I must be some frigid, passionless old hag stuck in the body of a teenage boy? If half of these people ever bothered to get to know me, they wouldn't have gotten that impression to begin with. Some of them even tell me that I'll never find a girlfriend (lol) and how I'll spend the rest of my days cleaning dog pee off my floor. The fact that I'm introverted and kinda selective with who I hang out with (again, I naturally don't get along with everybody) doesn't mean I'm this way with everyone. With my friends and some family members I'm the complete opposite.

I'm sorry, this was more of a rant than anything, but some people have got to start minding their own business and stop trying to come up with ways to put me down just because they assume I'm a cold-blooded reptile in human form that refuses any form of communication.

There has to be some way of fixing this? :confused: I just don't get it.

[Bull]

"bothered to get to know me" that's it, they don't know you. You come across, to me, as a warm, compassionate, interesting, knowledgeable, involved human being. We cannot be over obsessed with what some people think of us. You are who you are. If some cannot, or will not, accept you that is their problem, and I might add their huge loss. BTW I am captivated by your eyes. If only they would look you in the eye I think they would see the soul of a great guy. Stay the course and enjoy life as it presents! Oh, and the girlfriend thing....ugh! Why do people think they have a right to dictate our interests?

[ClaraWho]

Well presumably they only get the impression you are cold and detached, because you are cold and detached. But that's your choice. You may want to look at why that is though as you don't appear to be happy with it, nor does it seem particularly healthy.

The problem with being uncomfortable talking to people, or as you say not wanting to, is you very clearly give them that message. Why would anyone want to try to get to know someone who is hostile from the initial impression? There are too many other people to talk to for them to spend time dealing with your insecurities, or waiting for you to let them know you.

The fact people express this opinion towards you means they have made an effort to be your friend, and you've rejected their company. That's not a good feeling, nobody likes having friendliness thrown back in their face.

So either become comfortable with how you choose to be or start exploring why you are so introverted and hostile to new potential friendships. Take ownership of your issues.

---

Okay so just to quickly sum up my point.

- Stranger approaches wanting to be friends, they're friendly and open.

- You reject said stranger out of hand, without getting to know them. You're cold and hostile towards them.

- Stranger detects your hostility and is upset by rejection, responds negatively by pointing out your coldness.

- You become upset that they didn't get to know you before judging. Ironic right? You may also use this stage to justify your hostile approach to friendly strangers, despite causing the hostility yourself.

~ Clara

[Katie NYC]

Does your dog pee on the floor a lot because you're quiet?

[Jinglebottom]

ClaraWho

The thing is, those who think I'm cold are not "strangers" but people I've known and went to school with for years (the school system here is different, you stay with the same people from kindergarten to high school unless you switch schools). I have no problem interacting with strangers. With strangers, I may be shy at first but I treat them with the dignity and respect they deserve.

I know them inside out, and the only reason why they'd ever talk to me is to make fun of me. I never really fit in with them (you could say) despite my attempts to do so during elementary school, they'd always reject me. The guys, especially, were mostly noisy and loved sports, while I was more passive and would rather spend my time drawing or painting. They took that as an indication that I was the "odd one" and they never really approached me unless they needed someone to pick on or harass.

Now, a few years later, it's the same story. They still use me as their boxing bag when they feel like mocking someone (there is no violence involved however) and when I respond with hostility they exclaim: "Jeez, you're cold." Like were they expecting me to greet them with smiles and hugs?

[ClaraWho]

Well who cares then? Jerks will be jerks, let them waste their time being jerks. As for when it will change, the end of highschool tends to be when people grow up...

~ Clara

[Bull]

ClaraWho

The thing is, those who think I'm cold are not "strangers" but people I've known and went to school with for years (the school system here is different, you stay with the same people from kindergarten to high school unless you switch schools). I have no problem interacting with strangers. With strangers, I may be shy at first but I treat them with the dignity and respect they deserve.

I know them inside out, and the only reason why they'd ever talk to me is to make fun of me. I never really fit in with them (you could say) despite my attempts to do so during elementary school, they'd always reject me. The guys, especially, were mostly noisy and loved sports, while I was more passive and would rather spend my time drawing or painting. They took that as an indication that I was the "odd one" and they never really approached me unless they needed someone to pick on or harass.

Now, a few years later, it's the same story. They still use me as their boxing bag when they feel like mocking someone (there is no violence involved however) and when I respond with hostility they exclaim: "Jeez, you're cold." Like were they expecting me to greet them with smiles and hugs?

This is a great example of the difference in acquaintance and friend. We do not choose an acquaintance, we do select friends. That is just a truth of life.
We may have a multitude of acquaintances, but choose a select group of friends with whom we share life.

[Jinglebottom]

Well who cares then? Jerks will be jerks, let them waste their time being jerks. As for when it will change, the end of highschool tends to be when people grow up...

~ Clara
There's no way to appease a bunch of jerks, is there? Oh, school, could you be any more delightful than you already are.. I guess I'll try to get on their good side, I'll figure out a solution.

[Hudor]

Tbh i don't think they actually consider you cold. They are probably just saying things to hurt you and considering they've been bullying you already, don't let whatever they say get to your mind. The trick to shaking off bullies is to not let them know that you're getting affected. If they think their antics are having no effect on you, they'll eventually stop.

[Just JT]

I'm not sure what to say here. You don't seem like that kinda person to me at all. I don't think you sound like the odd one, just don't like the same stuff is all. Think I'd try amd surround myself with people with similar interests the best you can, meet some new people

[WhoWhatWhen]

People have said similar things to me because I'm pretty shy irl. If they don't understand that you're introverted than they probably wouldn't be a good friend. If they really wanted to get to know you they would have to understand that it takes time for you to open up to people. :yes:

[jamie_n5]

Well just keep being you and others will have to accept you or reject you as they want. You do sound a little like you may be overreacting a bit too. Don't let comments bother you so much. Grow some thicker skin my friend.

[Leprous]

Well just keep being you and others will have to accept you or reject you as they want. You do sound a little like you may be overreacting a bit too. Don't let comments bother you so much. Grow some thicker skin my friend.

Easier said than done. Some people are sensitive and some aren't. It's not easy to just not give a fuck about what other people think or say you know.