Was I wrong in breaking up??

[Jane Eyre]

I broke up with this guy I was in a serious relationship with because I thought it was a distraction... I belong to a somewhat conservative family where dating and love are seldom talked about and studies are made the priority. I might sound weird but I strongly care about my family's reputation and I need to make it big. But my relationship came between me and my goals as a student. moreover my bf had cheated on me once so it was costing me my peace of mind, although he loved me genuinely. so, I broke up with him so that I may have a normal life again. it's been two months since that. but he still hasn't got over me. I tried my best to make him understand my problems but every other day he sends someone or the other to convince me. I am tired of talking to his friends about this dead relationship. yet he refuses to let go of me. I know it's hard for him but I have my own dreams as well. his friends say that he wants me back but I don't want to go back to the old life again, as his gf. at times I feel guilty for hurting him for no reason but I can't patch up... I am confused... what should I do? please help me...

[FuTo]

Well he did cheat on you which he should never have done if he really did love you. And if he really does love you and you him, then ask him to wait until you want to date again. Being in a relationship shouldn't get in the way of your studies as long as u manage your time.

[kevenity]

I see nothing wrong in what you did just dont get back with him bc you pity him. If you really like him, then you could but keep priorities first.

[Flapjack]

I broke up with this guy I was in a serious relationship with because I thought it was a distraction... I belong to a somewhat conservative family where dating and love are seldom talked about and studies are made the priority. I might sound weird but I strongly care about my family's reputation and I need to make it big. But my relationship came between me and my goals as a student. moreover my bf had cheated on me once so it was costing me my peace of mind, although he loved me genuinely. so, I broke up with him so that I may have a normal life again. it's been two months since that. but he still hasn't got over me. I tried my best to make him understand my problems but every other day he sends someone or the other to convince me. I am tired of talking to his friends about this dead relationship. yet he refuses to let go of me. I know it's hard for him but I have my own dreams as well. his friends say that he wants me back but I don't want to go back to the old life again, as his gf. at times I feel guilty for hurting him for no reason but I can't patch up... I am confused... what should I do? please help me...

I think dumping a guy because of family reputation is ridiculous but he did cheat then you done good in leaving him:)

[Croconaw]

Don't let your family pressure you into doing things. Do what you want. It's good you dumped him, though!

[Uniquemind]

Nope.

The fact that he can't understand your needs as an individual, and is resorting to whining to guilt you back, is a pet peeve warning of mine, that that person (ex in this case) is immature and mismatched to your maturity level in what you expect out of a relationship.

I don't care what anybody says, you need more than love to make a relationship work, and even that, love is often just a mild sense of empathy with lust.

Now I disagree that people, and historically this is true, cheat sexually, and therefore that means they didn't or don't continue to love you. This is not true.

^ that belief right there is factually false, and explains why lots of people are confused and angsty regarding situations involving this scenario.

People cheat due to personality quirks, brain wiring, and the designed urge to procreate a variety of offspring with varied genetics.

The reason isn't that they don't love or you don't love them, the reason for breaking up is due to a rule violation, disrespect, and health concerns.

[Jane Eyre]

I think dumping a guy because of family reputation is ridiculous but he did cheat then you done good in leaving him:)

well, I didn't dump him because of family reputation or all those stuff. I left him because I was frustrated with the relationship and I couldn't concentrate on my studies with all our problems on my mind.

[Just JT]

I get the part about being a distraction, maybe a break woulda been better. Breaking up because of family expectations/values or what ever, no, be yiur own person and don't allow that shit to get in the way of a relationship. Him cheating on you? Almost sounds like he did cause maybe he wasn't gettin any from you? Don't make it right, but explains it I guess. Either way, if he cheats once, he'll do it again. Having an open relationship is different if your ok with that.

Bottom line, you did what's good for you, now, and seems like he's not accepting your reason, which is total bs in my opinion. Is he like stalking you or something? Over is over, whatever reason, needs to get over it

[Jane Eyre]

I get the part about being a distraction, maybe a break woulda been better. Breaking up because of family expectations/values or what ever, no, be yiur own person and don't allow that shit to get in the way of a relationship. Him cheating on you? Almost sounds like he did cause maybe he wasn't gettin any from you? Don't make it right, but explains it I guess. Either way, if he cheats once, he'll do it again. Having an open relationship is different if your ok with that.

Bottom line, you did what's good for you, now, and seems like he's not accepting your reason, which is total bs in my opinion. Is he like stalking you or something? Over is over, whatever reason, needs to get over it

yeah he stalked me for a few days after our break up but then I started ignoring him so he stopped. but the problem is that his friends are spreading rumors about me, including his female friends in my school. and it's really annoying and hurting when people question me about those things.

[Jane Eyre]

Nope.

The fact that he can't understand your needs as an individual, and is resorting to whining to guilt you back, is a pet peeve warning of mine, that that person (ex in this case) is immature and mismatched to your maturity level in what you expect out of a relationship.

I don't care what anybody says, you need more than love to make a relationship work, and even that, love is often just a mild sense of empathy with lust.

Now I disagree that people, and historically this is true, cheat sexually, and therefore that means they didn't or don't continue to love you. This is not true.

^ that belief right there is factually false, and explains why lots of people are confused and angsty regarding situations involving this scenario.

People cheat due to personality quirks, brain wiring, and the designed urge to procreate a variety of offspring with varied genetics.

The reason isn't that they don't love or you don't love them, the reason for breaking up is due to a rule violation, disrespect, and health concerns.

yes you are correct in saying that he is immature. he really is. maybe that was one of the reasons why my relationship did not work out for me. he failed to understand me and my situation. his explanation for cheating on me was that he thought I was cheating on him, because I couldn't give him my whole hearted attention...

[Body odah Man]

I broke up with this guy I was in a serious relationship with because I thought it was a distraction... I belong to a somewhat conservative family where dating and love are seldom talked about and studies are made the priority. I might sound weird but I strongly care about my family's reputation and I need to make it big. But my relationship came between me and my goals as a student. moreover my bf had cheated on me once so it was costing me my peace of mind, although he loved me genuinely. so, I broke up with him so that I may have a normal life again. it's been two months since that. but he still hasn't got over me. I tried my best to make him understand my problems but every other day he sends someone or the other to convince me. I am tired of talking to his friends about this dead relationship. yet he refuses to let go of me. I know it's hard for him but I have my own dreams as well. his friends say that he wants me back but I don't want to go back to the old life again, as his gf. at times I feel guilty for hurting him for no reason but I can't patch up... I am confused... what should I do? please help me...

Sounds like an unhealthy relationship on his part. He needs to move on.

[Melodic]

You shouldn't be in a relationship you don't want to be in. Your family aside, he cheated on you. Don't settle for less than you deserve. :)

[Just JT]

yeah he stalked me for a few days after our break up but then I started ignoring him so he stopped. but the problem is that his friends are spreading rumors about me, including his female friends in my school. and it's really annoying and hurting when people question me about those things.


When people feel hurt, they will do and say things to hurt you back, regardless of how justified they really are. End of day, you know the truth. And if someone brings it up to you, I guess they have a couple of things in mind, 1) they don't believe him and want you to know what he's saying behind your back and 2) they don't know what to believe and want your side of the story before passing judgement. So set them straight, and move on with your life. I know it's easier said than done, but your actions will speak louder than his words

[ClaraWho]

Nope.

The fact that he can't understand your needs as an individual, and is resorting to whining to guilt you back, is a pet peeve warning of mine, that that person (ex in this case) is immature and mismatched to your maturity level in what you expect out of a relationship.

I don't care what anybody says, you need more than love to make a relationship work, and even that, love is often just a mild sense of empathy with lust.

Now I disagree that people, and historically this is true, cheat sexually, and therefore that means they didn't or don't continue to love you. This is not true.

^ that belief right there is factually false, and explains why lots of people are confused and angsty regarding situations involving this scenario.

People cheat due to personality quirks, brain wiring, and the designed urge to procreate a variety of offspring with varied genetics.

The reason isn't that they don't love or you don't love them, the reason for breaking up is due to a rule violation, disrespect, and health concerns.

'Is factually false' - incorrect. The evidence goes against that claim. But may be off-topic for this thread.

To the OP, people who truly love you don't cheat, you're more than enough for them. I totally get not being able to get over issues in the past, on this alone I think you made the right call to break up.

~ Clara