Hedgehog's dilemma

[Kiogaout]

I am alone most of my time , and when I meet with some of my friends I just can`t trust them , I feel like the hedgehog in schopenhauer metaphor , if I get close they will hurt me , but if I am far from them I get sad and lonely. what is the solution for this dilemma ?

[Dalcourt]

Is there a specific reason why you can't trust your friends?
Just wondering cuz with so little information it's hard to answer.

[ClaraWho]

I am alone most of my time , and when I meet with some of my friends I just can`t trust them , I feel like the hedgehog in schopenhauer metaphor , if I get close they will hurt me , but if I am far from them I get sad and lonely. what is the solution for this dilemma ?

'If I get close they WILL hurt me'

How could you possibly KNOW this?

This is referred to as a 'mind-reading' and generalisation statement in counselling. There's no way you can tell whether someone will hurt you or not. None. Even if you've been hurt before. Are you an individual? So are everyone else you'll ever meet.

You are your own worst enemy here, you need to get out of your own way.

Everything worth doing comes with risk. Risk that you won't be able to live the way you want. Risk that a relationship will turn to an enemy. Risk that if you make yourself vulnerable you will be hurt.

The only way to tackle that is head on. The alternative is to never do or be anything, which you clearly have too much you want to do to ever accept long-term.

Create and record exceptions to your own 'rule'. Force yourself to interact more. This can be a vicious circle where by acting prickly you distance anyone who cares, making them be mean to you as you are to them. Nobody likes having kindness thrown in their face.

So the solution is that there isn't one. There is only who you want to be. Close your eyes, imagine waking up tomorrow and all the relationships in your life are the way you want.
Want would that look like?
What would be different about others and how they treat you?
What would be different about you and how you interact with them?

Write it down and use the answers to make the changes you want to yourself. Be who you want to be. Everything takes practice.

Good Luck,

~ Clara