Why don't girls ever like me more than friends?

[JordanB777]

So, I'll try to make this short. I don't want to go too long.

Okay, so I'm 14 years old and admittedly very "nerdy." I've never had a serious gf. I'm not really bad looking on the outside, I guess, although I'm kind of short and skinny and a minority in my area (Asian). I'm just feeling really frustrated...

See the thing is I think I'm a gentleman and really nice and thoughtful and kind and smart and would make a great bf for someone IMO...I'm just not that confident IRL. I'm fairly quiet, introverted, book wormy kind of person. But no one is perfect, right?

I would think girls would want a nice guy like me, someone that would really care about them, but it seems like all they want is the jerks who bully me. You know...the guys who play sports and are super confident on the outside but probably not on the inside.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Every time I talk to this one girl I really like (and am friends with) and sort of "hint" at stuff she kind of (politely) friend zones me or whatever right on the spot.

Is there anything I can do to get her to like me? Why don't girls ever like guys like me? :(

[Drunkenprofesser]

that is a question men have been asking since the dawn of time, and there is no straight answer to it. my advice would be to just be up front with this girl, say you like her and want to take her out on a date. take her too the movies or wherever she likes to go. good luck

[Sailor Mars]

You can't make someone like you.

Don't be desperate bro. You're 14 am young n got a lot of time. If you dead gotta ask that question and be spiteful about it, maybe that's your problem, not the girls.

[FuTo]

As a gay person who been around girls like 24/7 all I can tell you is that there will be girls who goes for the sporty and jocky guys but most girls just want a nice guy. I admit looks do matters but it's not the most important factor because what most girls I know want is a guy who they can have a good time with. It doesn't matter if you are the most handsome guy in the world, if you are boring no one will want to date you. Maybe you fell for a girl who likes someone else or maybe you aren't her type but keep looking because you will find someone. And rest assured I know lots of girls who've dated REALLY ugly guys who have shitty attitudes I myself had a thing for this not so good looking guy for a whole 4 years cuz he was the kindest guy you'll ever meet. So don't give up and keep looking and one day maybe you will find someone. Good Luck.

[JordanB777]

You can't make someone like you.

Don't be desperate bro. You're 14 am young n got a lot of time. If you dead gotta ask that question and be spiteful about it, maybe that's your problem, not the girls.

I don't think I was trying to be spiteful...maybe frustrated, yeah, but not spiteful. Not sure where you got that. Anyway, I'm just trying to ask how to be better so she will like me more...not "make" as in force her to like me. :confused:

[Sailor Mars]

I don't think I was trying to be spiteful...maybe frustrated, yeah, but not spiteful. Not sure where you got that. Anyway, I'm just trying to ask how to be better so she will like me more...not "make" as in force her to like me. :confused:

Well again, people will like what they like. The best you can do is be yourself and generally just be a nice person.

[lyhom]

as said before, you're 14 so there's plenty of time, so the only advice I can give you is to be yourself and stay confident

[indoxyl]

This thread gives me a headache.

You're 14 years old you need to relax. You also need to realize not every girl you like HAS to like you because you have feelings for her.

and you ALSO need to realize that you probably do not have the qualities that a lot of girls are looking for in a guy.

[TheFutureDoctor]

So, I'll try to make this short. I don't want to go too long.

Okay, so I'm 14 years old and admittedly very "nerdy." I've never had a serious gf. I'm not really bad looking on the outside, I guess, although I'm kind of short and skinny and a minority in my area (Asian). I'm just feeling really frustrated...

See the thing is I think I'm a gentleman and really nice and thoughtful and kind and smart and would make a great bf for someone IMO...I'm just not that confident IRL. I'm fairly quiet, introverted, book wormy kind of person. But no one is perfect, right?

I would think girls would want a nice guy like me, someone that would really care about them, but it seems like all they want is the jerks who bully me. You know...the guys who play sports and are super confident on the outside but probably not on the inside.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Every time I talk to this one girl I really like (and am friends with) and sort of "hint" at stuff she kind of (politely) friend zones me or whatever right on the spot.

Is there anything I can do to get her to like me? Why don't girls ever like guys like me? :(

I relate to you dude. I am exactly like you. Class topper bla bla so I am titled a nerd, although i'm not. I have enough friends (boys), enjoy video games and play some sports as well (although I am not very good).

Same thing happens in my class. I am like you, a kind guy, I respect women, I feel protective about them and really support feminism. Yet the girls of my class go around boys who insult them and think they're cool. Makes my blood boil but I can't do anything about it. I grew up being taught to respect women, but girls don't seem to see that. Hell, you'd think they'd like us gentlemen more than the rowdies but thats the way it is.:( PM me for anything else. Nice to find a guy identical to me. :D

[JordanB777]

This thread gives me a headache.

You're 14 years old you need to relax. You also need to realize not every girl you like HAS to like you because you have feelings for her.

and you ALSO need to realize that you probably do not have the qualities that a lot of girls are looking for in a guy.

If you would've read the replies, I have already said that I wasn't looking to "make" her like me but was trying to learn how to improve myself so she might like me more. But since all anyone is doing is getting defensive and taking everything out of context, nevermind. Bah. Sorry I asked a question.

[Body odah Man]

So, I'll try to make this short. I don't want to go too long.

Okay, so I'm 14 years old and admittedly very "nerdy." I've never had a serious gf. I'm not really bad looking on the outside, I guess, although I'm kind of short and skinny and a minority in my area (Asian). I'm just feeling really frustrated...

See the thing is I think I'm a gentleman and really nice and thoughtful and kind and smart and would make a great bf for someone IMO...I'm just not that confident IRL. I'm fairly quiet, introverted, book wormy kind of person. But no one is perfect, right?

I would think girls would want a nice guy like me, someone that would really care about them, but it seems like all they want is the jerks who bully me. You know...the guys who play sports and are super confident on the outside but probably not on the inside.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Every time I talk to this one girl I really like (and am friends with) and sort of "hint" at stuff she kind of (politely) friend zones me or whatever right on the spot.

Is there anything I can do to get her to like me? Why don't girls ever like guys like me? :(

As a guy who's been friendzoned a lot, I gotta say that there is no magic solution. Eventually you will find the right girl.

[indoxyl]

You dont want to make her like you but you want to improve yourself so she'll like you more?

I'm pretty sure that's trying to make her like you.

If girls don't like you, move on!

Honestly if I was 14 or 15 I wouldn't date half the users who commentes on here.

So many of you boys are focused on how nice you are and how much of a prick the guy who isn't you is. Girls are not going to be attracted to you if you keep making them feel like shit for dating people who are not you and who you do not see as nice like you

[dafuq]

Relax, dont worry, make sure to clothe urself right, choose some sweet kicks (like Asics/adidas/nike), denim pants, nice T-shirt, maybe some polos. Be cool, do what you like. You'll be fine; dont try to be cool. It makes you nervous, girls like confidence, bcus people search what they dont have. And with girls that is confidence.

[BeautyBelle]

How do you act around girls? It's not enough to just be nice, you also have to be confident. A lot of nice guys are too shy to talk to girls, or they come across as needy or desperate.

So I'd say, don't just try to be yourself, try to be confident being yourself. Don't try to be smooth or something you're not, be who you are but really own it and be proud of it.

[SummerHaze]

if she like jerks, then flirt with her and then ignore, a lot of girls like such behavior

[indoxyl]

This mentality is exactly why no girl wants to date you guys.

[JordanB777]

How do you act around girls? It's not enough to just be nice, you also have to be confident. A lot of nice guys are too shy to talk to girls, or they come across as needy or desperate.

So I'd say, don't just try to be yourself, try to be confident being yourself. Don't try to be smooth or something you're not, be who you are but really own it and be proud of it.

Thanks writing, Belle. What you said was really helpful. I don't have a lot of experience with girls beyond friendship, so I'm just trying to learn...

Tbh I am really shy, especially if I have a crush on them. But if they're my friend I'm okay and normal but tbh my normal self is quiet too even if I'm comfortable with someone so it feels kind of hopeless. Sigh.

I do try so hard to act confident and own who I am (with people in general not just crushes, but them too) but sometimes I guess I try too hard...like for example sometimes I try to joke around with people and it always seems like the joke like falls flat or something dumb like that and people just feel awkward. It's really hard to be Mr. Confident when every time you try you look like a tool. :( Sigh.

Anyway I really appreciate the reply. It gave me a lot to think about.

[Tesserax]

My friend, I'm also Asian, nerdy, and consider myself to be a gentleman. Like you, I was shy as a 14 year old, but unlike you I'm 3 years older and can tell you that a lot changes in those 3 years. To begin with, once you start being more comfortable in your own skin and realize that your differences make you better than those who strive to be "cool" and end up just being all from the same mould, you'll begin to feel more confident about youself, and this will help you.

In this time, girls will also mature more and begin to look not at just the superficial qualities, but also begin to see you more for the man you are inside. You just have to be patient, and keep an eye out for anybody who seems different from the norm; a person who isn't shallow, who truly understands people for people

[JordanB777]

My friend, I'm also Asian, nerdy, and consider myself to be a gentleman. Like you, I was shy as a 14 year old, but unlike you I'm 3 years older and can tell you that a lot changes in those 3 years. To begin with, once you start being more comfortable in your own skin and realize that your differences make you better than those who strive to be "cool" and end up just being all from the same mould, you'll begin to feel more confident about youself, and this will help you.

In this time, girls will also mature more and begin to look not at just the superficial qualities, but also begin to see you more for the man you are inside. You just have to be patient, and keep an eye out for anybody who seems different from the norm; a person who isn't shallow, who truly understands people for people

Yeah, you're right. I just have to find the right person I guess. It just feels lonely when you see so many guys be more successful. I know I shouldn't be jealous though ...and I admit it's wrong....but it's frustrating, I'm sorry.

I guess patience is a virtue, eh? :)

[Uniquemind]

Yeah, you're right. I just have to find the right person I guess. It just feels lonely when you see so many guys be more successful. I know I shouldn't be jealous though ...and I admit it's wrong....but it's frustrating, I'm sorry.

I guess patience is a virtue, eh? :)

It is, but using that patience to do some inner soul searching and from that accelerated mental maturity will help you.

No offense but right now, I can tell from your posts that you have the psychology of a boy, it's very black and white, and therefore you look for answers within a black and white context, which is limiting your growth.

Generally it is true attraction varies person to person, and what the above people have said isn't wrong and I hope you re-read the deeper premise behind what they're saying rather than react by being offended by their criticsm.

I'm also going to give you a super tip when it comes to communicating to us women, subtext, context, timing, and emotional depth and meaning are the foundation of romantic flirty, sexual tension.

It's not something you can "act", it just flows naturally when it happens. Above you did say you try to "act cool".

Ya know there's also something to be said about girls just being immature in their own right, it's hard for guys to understand that suddenly discovering you have a "Jedi mind trick" power over most guys is intoxicating, it's practically a superpower, and like all humans, we're competitive at times, and there's this whole other dynamic that sometimes comes into play that guys don't even see. Like the reputation of being able to attract only a certain type of guy, or perhaps it's another dynamic entirely, like parents.


Also get rid of, or at last focus your mind on things other than jealousy, start looking at patterns.

Jerk's are one thing, but what is behind every "jerk" is a person, a puzzle, and a deeper explanation of why they're a "jerk" in the first place, so to a girl perhaps she sees enough of a decent person to at least try a date or two, and they're successful because their opportunistic.

So that's one factor to consider.

I also have one male friend, who is a downright manwhore, and I've friendzoned him. But in my mind I can separate the bad qualities from the good. If anybody on the outside calls him a jerk randomly, it comes across as that person being a judgmental outsider who doesn't know crap.


Be very careful to not come across as judgmental because if you do I swear in the back of our minds we will wonder if one day that part of your personality will be critical and nasty to us if you discover a flaw we fear shatters the pedestal guys tend to put their crushes on.



Be assertive, kind, watchful, and learn to glide into conversations and also how to bow out of them. This can be learned.


While attraction is somewhat random, what you can do is hone social skills and once you have that mastered put them in practice.

Dating and flirting is marketing 101 with added sexual tension, enhanced by touch and anticipation and peer pressure.


It is superficial to a degree and people get hurt, but I at least wanted to acknowledge a point in your OP that nobody else has so far.


There is an art form to flirting, you aren't making that up. Also waiting around doesn't do anything either.

Be social, observe silently, and find people you can bond with over shared interests.


P.S. When you say your a feminist, make sure you aren't coming across as a white knight, because sometimes the vibe that's given off is that yeah maybe the other guy was a jerk, but how dare you try to swoop in proclaim your superiority as a mate, I'm a individual I'm perfectly capable of recognizing and choosing my own relationship partners.

Make sure you aren't basically telling us "our taste in males sucks, and that you'd be much better by default". It's a very biased view if you think about it because of a conflict of interest.

[JordanB777]

It is, but using that patience to do some inner soul searching and from that accelerated mental maturity will help you.

No offense but right now, I can tell from your posts that you have the psychology of a boy, it's very black and white, and therefore you look for answers within a black and white context, which is limiting your growth.

[...]



Okay, thanks for the advice...and you're right, I am a boy. I just turned 14 years old, not 35.

Regardless of what everyone says, I wasn't trying to be mean or say anything wrong and I'm sorry for making people feel that way...I guess I just have trouble relating to people because of a disability I have and I was honestly just really trying to learn. If I messed that up in some epic way I apologize 1000 times.

[Rendez-Vous]

So I've read /almost/ whole topic and... meh, in my opinion the only reasonable idea would be not to mackin(yay, I've found a new word).
However, it doesn't always work for example if you are an asshole like me

[Stronk Serb]

Move on, you cannot make a person wish to be in a relationship with you, it's not like the Hollywood movies. At first, I made a mistake like this, I was assertive, trying to make my first crush like me. Then I put the ball down and after some time I met a girl and we got together pretty quick. I knew she was interested because there were no vibes that I am annoying her or something which I got with my first crush. I suggest you give up on getting together with her, and try to keep her as a friend, she doesn't see you in a relationship with her. There is no friendzone, it's a simple yes or no. It's either she wants to give you a try, or no. She said no, so move on. Before my current girl, I had a second crush, everything was dandy, but I could never make myself to kiss her. I was cowardly in a way, she then decided my time is up. Funny thing is, I cursed myself, not her, as most guys here do, which prompted me to work on me. It was like a general with victory in his grasp, but deciding to run. I overcame my insecurities in the following months, and met my third crush, my first and current girlfriend. I can give you advice on confidence.

Now in order to work on your confidence, get yourself into clothes you like, do some things you usually wouldn't, but want to. i mean legal things. I became pretty shameless when I was 15-16. For everything I do, I don't care how much flak I am going to catch. Of course, I drew the line which I never cross. For example, I was having a beer with my friends in the park, and a dog came and almost took my beer. I told the owner that the dog has an obvious drinking problem and bottomed up the bottle. I have no shame in drinking in a park, or cracking a joke like that with the dog owner, who found it funny. Now, you don't need to get to my level, but you should stopcaring what others think. It's not about thinking yourself higher than the average student you don't know, it's about not taking their opinions higher than you actually should. If someone important for you gives you an opinion about you, take it into account. If someone you never knew gives you an opinion about you, it is as important as that person is to you, which is none.

[Uniquemind]

Okay, thanks for the advice...and you're right, I am a boy. I just turned 14 years old, not 35.

Regardless of what everyone says, I wasn't trying to be mean or say anything wrong and I'm sorry for making people feel that way...I guess I just have trouble relating to people because of a disability I have and I was honestly just really trying to learn. If I messed that up in some epic way I apologize 1000 times.

I come off as intense so don't take it personally.

I'm just trying to super accelerate your understanding so you can gain advantage for yourself.

Blame yourself less, focus on improvement and understanding what your disability limits you to do socially.

[Emerald Dream]

The OP is banned. :locked: