Worried what friends will think of me being gay

[outback4]

So I live in Mississippi and go to a public school in a wealthy suburb. Im the outlier, that kid living on the other side of town in the small house with the divorced parents and blah blah. I've always had problems making friends and stuff because a lot of people see me as kinda mean or annoying. But you know, whatever. It's not like that matters.

However, this year I made a lot of friends. I'm now one of the big members of a large group of friends in marching band and I'm happy. There's like 4 girls in our group and then me and 7 or 8 boys. None are gay and out, though I have a pretty accurate gaydar and I'm telling you, one of them is gayer than hell. But anyway, that's a different story.

In our group we can talk. We talk about sensitive topics like gays and trans and all that. And all the girls in the group are fully accepting and not a problem. However, the guys are all somewhat (though not overly) conservative and I feel like they won't like me. My best friends, I'll call him J, is dating my other best friend and I'll call her S. She's bi but I don't think he knows it. (She's the only one who knows I'm gay). He may be accepting because he does believe people should be how they want to be. That doesn't mean though that he would want to be around me, and I don't want to lose him. The rest of the group doesn't like the whole gay thing because of this stereotypical mixed guy with pink on all the time who's Instagram bio is "always in a rainbow mood." Even for me that's annoying.

Anyway, here's what I'd like your opinion on:
Will my friends accept me? I'm kinda out there but not in a really feminine way, so I don't know if they even have suspicions or basically already know or have no idea.. I just don't want to lose the only people I'm happy with.

[Just JT]

I don't think there is a way for anyone to know if your friends will accept you or not until you tell them something and find out.

On the other hand, if you suspect they will not accept you, then why do you feel a need to include them into such a personal detail of your life?
There is no rule saying you need to tell anyone about your sexual orientation regardless of the relationship you have with them.

If you do decide to tell them, I think you know the risks, and to see to decide if the risks are worth it to you.

[ska8er]

U have a good group of friends that I c and u just b urself
and as u get to know a lot of them better and they know u
u will find that they may accept u as u r no matter what that
may be. U say ur kinda "out there" but not really in a
feminine way-does that mean that u think that being in
a feminine way will make u more acceptable? I'm sure there
r a lot of gay or bi people who do not act feminine to b accepted.
U have a good group of friends here as u say can talk things out-
b happy that u do have that-a lot of people do not.

[outback4]

U have a good group of friends that I c and u just b urself
and as u get to know a lot of them better and they know u
u will find that they may accept u as u r no matter what that
may be. U say ur kinda "out there" but not really in a
feminine way-does that mean that u think that being in
a feminine way will make u more acceptable? I'm sure there
r a lot of gay or bi people who do not act feminine to b accepted.
U have a good group of friends here as u say can talk things out-
b happy that u do have that-a lot of people do not.

Sorry if I wasn't clear, that's not what I was trying to say ;)

I was saying I've got a pretty energetic "I want your attention" kind of personality. I'm usually, I guess you could say, the "star of the show" in terms of I'm always the one bringing up controversial topics and telling people what they should do and stuff. People seem to like it.

I was wondering if that might be a sign to them. It's not really feminine, like rainbows and stuff, and it's not on purpose. It's just me

As a side note, a girl told me once "Before you started dating Courtney, I thought for sure you were gay."

Courtney was my "girlfriend" for a while.

Edit: And yes, you're so right. I'm lucky to have those friends and I really don't want to lose them. Thanks for your help!

[lemondrop]

Well real friends should always accept you as you are,also from your side it's a sign of trust.. ^.^ well you can have a convo with your girl friend who might try to convince your friends that being gay is not like they're imagining(if that makes sense,not the best english also :P) Wish you luck,if u need advice ask

[DoodleSnap]

As said above, they're not good friends if they don't accept you after finding out that you're gay. That being said, it can be difficult to come out sometimes.

I don't think it's fair to expect any of them to make the assumption because of your personality, it really depends a huge amount from person to person.

[ska8er]

Sorry if I wasn't clear, that's not what I was trying to say ;)

I was saying I've got a pretty energetic "I want your attention" kind of personality. I'm usually, I guess you could say, the "star of the show" in terms of I'm always the one bringing up controversial topics and telling people what they should do and stuff. People seem to like it.

I was wondering if that might be a sign to them. It's not really feminine, like rainbows and stuff, and it's not on purpose. It's just me

As a side note, a girl told me once "Before you started dating Courtney, I thought for sure you were gay."

Courtney was my "girlfriend" for a while.

Edit: And yes, you're so right. I'm lucky to have those friends and I really don't want to lose them. Thanks for your help!


Did u ever ask the girl who told u "she was sure u were gay"
what made her think that? That probably would answer ur ???s

Like I said keep being urself-u seem to be liked with ur group. :)

[Kaeneus]

Two scenarios:

1) they accept you. It's rad. You're happier. You can feel safe and comfortable with your friends and it's great.

2) They don't. You stop being friends with the guys, you already said the girls like you. IF they have a problem with it they're not your friends. That sounds cliche but really, if you really like them and want to be long term friends with them, you will have to come out to them at some stage. You want to be twenty with the same friends and not out cause you're afraid? If they are homophobic the friendship will be over regardless. When you're older, you can't be like, getting married or whatever, and have these friends who don't support you or your husband. You'll have to tell them. They'll take it or they won't. If they don't fuck them.

[Just JT]

Yeah, I'm agreeing with all the above posters here. If these "friends" are really your friends, it's not going to matter to them one way or another. There already formed their opinion or feeling for you based on everything except your sexuality as it seems you never really talked about it with them. So if that's true, your sexuality will not change anything, so shouldn't make any difference one way or another

If it does make a difference, then they were never your "friends". I don't know what they were, but they were never that, and everyone's time was wasted in pretending you guys were friends

[jdhud024]

Sorry if I wasn't clear, that's not what I was trying to say ;)

I was saying I've got a pretty energetic "I want your attention" kind of personality. I'm usually, I guess you could say, the "star of the show" in terms of I'm always the one bringing up controversial topics and telling people what they should do and stuff. People seem to like it.

I was wondering if that might be a sign to them. It's not really feminine, like rainbows and stuff, and it's not on purpose. It's just me

As a side note, a girl told me once "Before you started dating Courtney, I thought for sure you were gay."

Courtney was my "girlfriend" for a while.

Edit: And yes, you're so right. I'm lucky to have those friends and I really don't want to lose them. Thanks for your help!

That sounds a lot like me, actually. I'm always the one that has something to say, whether it be advice or whatnot, and I'm dryly sarcastic, so there are people that like me and hate me for that reason alone lmao.

Anyway, I was like you. I had a few people make comments about how they were surprised when I started dating my last girlfriend because they thought I was gay. For me, I came out by having a boyfriend and no one said anything, or cared for that mattered. A few people asked if it was true or a rumor and that was it. I think you'll be fine. And if they're your real friends they won't care what gender you're attracted to.