Why do I feel like this?

[Matryoshkasystem]

I don't know how to describe it. I just don't know how too...its like I'm missing something or someone from my life.

Okay well, I've started wondering if I was adopted, my parents have pretty much no pictures of my mom pregnant, or with me at birth. Only when I was on a machine-even then my parents weren't with me-. It seems sorta like I just appeared out of thin air, yet they say I've always been with them. I look nothing like anyone in the family-unless you count teeth as one- except apparently my great grandfather-they showed me a tiny picture of him and other than that have no pictures of him-, but even then it is way too similar-like twin similar which can't happen I think-. They also fight over who I resemble more-my moms side and dads side both say I look identical to someone in it- I also just don't feel a connection to them, people who raised me sure, but not quite parent level. Looking back this connection has been like this since...forever I guess. I just feel like a black sheep in my entire family-parnets,aunts,uncles,grandparents, etc-. Also EVERYONE seems to be like, you are related to us no need to worry-yet provide no evidence-. My parents even took a genetic test so I wouldn't have to for family history. They also had surveillance for the first years with them having me at their home-if what they say is true-.

I also feel like I have a twin-even fantasized about having one-. Not like I think it would be cool to have one, but that I actually have one or had one. What confuses me about this, is that its only recently started-as within the last few years-.

Then with my crush-I know wrong place to talk about them but still it ties into it-, looking at it I sorta noticed its not romantic or platonic, nor sexual attraction, or aesthetic. I just feel drawn to him, just drawn like he has an answer to something. I also saw his parents once, I could almost feel as if a switch was flipping when I saw them, I also almost froze as if I'd sawn a ghost or deja vu.-look up the song count hole sung by Gumi or frog for a sort of example of what I mean-. I know This probably means nothing, but I just feel..weird...when around them...like a fog is trying to lift, or I could actually not feel like I'm not a black sheep. I also resemble them more then I do my own parents at least body build-couldn't see their faces- wise cause I look nothing like my parents or family's body build.

My memories also don't exactly line up, my "parents" seem to deny a couple of my memories that I still have despite me knowing they happened, and actually if I focus on them,a lot doesn't line up between them and my parents. They also seem eerily relieved I can't remember much of my life before coming to where I live now. They say thier relief is due to the surgeries ,which I can believe, but I also feel like their hiding something and it ties into those years.

[Cadanance00]

I know a little of how you feel. I don't know if there's any way to tell for sure except to ask your parents straight out if you haven't already.

I found out last year the father I have known all my life isn't my biological father, but they agreed a long time ago that if I ever asked they would tell me and they did but I still felt weird about it. My dad talked to me for a long time about it and made it clear that it's not who's DNA you've got but it's who loves you and raised you as their child that's important. He said once he said I was his child that that was it. I was as much as his child as my sister who is his biological child.

I don't think you should feel too disconnected from your family, even if you find out you are adopted since it's who loves you and accepts you as their child that's important and not genetics. If it turns out you are adopted then you have two sets of families you're related to like the more the better.

[Matryoshkasystem]

I know a little of how you feel. I don't know if there's any way to tell for sure except to ask your parents straight out if you haven't already.

I found out last year the father I have known all my life isn't my biological father, but they agreed a long time ago that if I ever asked they would tell me and they did but I still felt weird about it. My dad talked to me for a long time about it and made it clear that it's not who's DNA you've got but it's who loves you and raised you as their child that's important. He said once he said I was his child that that was it. I was as much as his child as my sister who is his biological child.

I don't think you should feel too disconnected from your family, even if you find out you are adopted since it's who loves you and accepts you as their child that's important and not genetics. If it turns out you are adopted then you have two sets of families you're related to like the more the better.

Thanks, just uhm...go to the abuse part of here and read "Is this normal?"...cause I posted that...also...I've always felt disconnected from them...I can almost remember a life before being their child.