How to Break Up with Someone

[Kaeneus]

Okay, so, this post is probably going to make me sound like a dick,but.... I need to break up with my girlfriend. There's no one thing that's very wrong but it just won't work. We've been together for a little over two years and I don't think I even actually loved her. I asked her out for the heck of it, and she was nice enough, and there was never a reason to break up, so it just....went on. Even though I knew there wasn't a future. I mean, I'm not going to marry her. It's nothing wrong with her. She's an incredibly kind person and I know she loves me and she treats me very well, but I can't reciprocate it cause I just don't feel that for her. Now my questions is, how can I end it and cause her the least pain?

Should I act like an asshole so maybe she can get angry at me instead of being sad?

Should I try and push her away and get weird so maybe she'll break up with me instead?

Should I be honest?

Should I make up a specific reason why we can't be together?

Idk, she has mental health issues and I feel like no matter what I do it's gonna make her feel awful. Please advise if you can.

[Flapjack]

Okay, so, this post is probably going to make me sound like a dick,but.... I need to break up with my girlfriend. There's no one thing that's very wrong but it just won't work. We've been together for a little over two years and I don't think I even actually loved her. I asked her out for the heck of it, and she was nice enough, and there was never a reason to break up, so it just....went on. Even though I knew there wasn't a future. I mean, I'm not going to marry her. It's nothing wrong with her. She's an incredibly kind person and I know she loves me and she treats me very well, but I can't reciprocate it cause I just don't feel that for her. Now my questions is, how can I end it and cause her the least pain?

Should I act like an asshole so maybe she can get angry at me instead of being sad?

Should I try and push her away and get weird so maybe she'll break up with me instead?

Should I be honest?

Should I make up a specific reason why we can't be together?

Idk, she has mental health issues and I feel like no matter what I do it's gonna make her feel awful. Please advise if you can.

Be honest... unless your honest is nasty. I once had a friends that was told by her bf when he dumped her that he found her disgusting etc.

Also, make it clear that its not a 2 months later we might get back together thing if its not. Don't make it any harder on her.

Wish you luck buddy:)

[Just JT]

I hate to say this, but your right, it does kinda make you sound like an asshole.
Sorry, just agreeing with you.

You went out with someone you admittedly said you don't think you ever lived her and did it just for the heck of it? And kept it up for over 2 years? She has mental health issues, and you wana know what to do?

What you shoulda done is never aisles her out. There is nothing you can do or say that will make the pain I'm sure this sweet girl is guna feel after you dump her. And your pondering to lie about it? How do you think she will feel when she discovers you lied to her like that and knows the truth?

Dude, I'd just tell her the truth, and let her know. Because there's nothing you can do or say to make that better for her, and hope she is as nice to you as she has been, because you know she lives you.

Sorry, hate to be such a dick here, but I been hurt like that before, and it feels like you just been used for sex the whole time.

[Kaeneus]

Yeah, you're right. I've spent ages thinking about it and I know there's 1000 things I should have done differently. But like, I never meant to malevolent, ya know? I mean, I had a crush on her, right? So I asked her out. Like you're not in love with anyone when you first start dating them. And she was super sweet and we had a good time, so we stayed together. And then when she said she loved me I said it back cause it was a reflex...and like.... was I going to say "sorry, I don't love you" to her face? I'm not that ballsy.

So we kept dating, and I thought "God, I have to break up with her at some point, before this gets way too fucking far". But then it was her birthday, and I'm not gonna dump her just before her birthday. Then it was valentines day. What asshole dumps his girlfriend just before valentines day? Then her mom was in the hospital, I'm not gonna leave her then. Then she was stressed at school and then she had problems with her sister and then her dog died and then her depression came back real hard and next thing you know it's our two year anniversary and I'm here thinking..... fuck. What have I done to her? Is there anyway to fix this? What the fuck have I done?

I think part of me was thinking that I would fall in love at some stage. Like you just spend enough time around someone and maybe it just happens. Maybe it just took time. I've been hurt in relationships before and maybe this is just a manifestation of that, that I'm keeping myself from feeling anything. But then it didn't happen. It just didn't happen. And fuck, I mean, she's perfect, right? She's smart and so kind and so respectful and soft and loyal and just amazing. She's 100% wife material. There's no reason why I shouldn't love her, but I just..... I just don't. If I could make myself fall in love with her I would. I have tried. I have prayed. It would be so much easier for everyone but I can't do it. And I don't know why but I just can't.

Maybe there's something permanently broken in me. I dunno. Maybe I really just am a heartless cunt.

But the problem still remains. I can't tell her that I never loved her, it would fucking kill her. I know I've fucked this up to the point where no one can get out unhurt, but I'm really just hoping that there's a way that the person who gets hurt the most is me.

Maybe I should just kill myself. That way, at least, she'd think I died loving her.

[Just JT]

First off, don't say your guna fuckin kill yourself ok?
I get how your feeling, but that's not a good option, and if it's just an expression of a word play, that's not cool

Either way, bad words, or bad thoughts, reconsider that ok?

On the other side, tbh, you poorer out a lota good feeling a there, and a lot makes sense. I almost wana say you could use a lot of why you said in that last post to explain to her how you feel. How you felt, how things went, where things are and all the whys involved.

You have good valid feeling for what you did to some degree because you seem genuinely concerned for her well being, and what's going on in her life, and how things affect her. Sounds like yeah, you had a crush, I guess, not so much as "what the heck" but stuff changed, and you got caught up in the mix, wasn't sure how to handle it? Maybe?

Maybe you need to find the right one and place and sit down and have a heart to heart talk about where you guys are going in like kinda convo