Ask Me Anything

[Kaeneus]

Alright, so I may be taking somewhat of a risk with this post, but I hope it goes alright. I'm making this in the hope of maybe educating some people. So far, everyone has been extraordinarily polite and courteous and I would like to thank you all for that.

I'm trans, and I'm here to answer any questions you might have about the trans experience. There seems to be a whole lot of people who are genuinely confused and, without any malicious intent, end up seriously offending or hurting other people without even knowing that they're doing it.

I promise I won't get mad if it's a legitimate question. If you're just gonna tell me that I'm gross or going to hell, please leave. But if you want to honestly learn and educate yourself, go right ahead and ask me anything. I mean anything, so long as it complies with the rules of VR.

I'll put any questions that I think are particularly useful into this first post.

[ska8er]

What does gender queer mean?

[Kaeneus]

What does gender queer mean?

"Genderqueer" is a blanket term to describe anyone who does not identify as 100% male or 100% female 100% of the time. A genderqueer person might fluctuate between feeling male and female; feel some percentage male and some percentage female (eg. 50% male and 50% female); not identify with either male or female (eg. identify with a third gender); or not identify as any gender at all.

Agender people, bigender people, trigender people and more all fall under the blanket label of 'genderqueer'.

[ska8er]

"Genderqueer" is a blanket term to describe anyone who does not identify as 100% male or 100% female 100% of the time. A genderqueer person might fluctuate between feeling male and female; feel some percentage male and some percentage female (eg. 50% male and 50% female); not identify with either male or female (eg. identify with a third gender); or not identify as any gender at all.

Agender people, bigender people, trigender people and more all fall under the blanket label of 'genderqueer'.


Y then typecast them as queer? Just because
they r not 100% male or female does not make
them queer? :confused::what:

[Kaeneus]

Y then typecast them as queer? Just because
they r not 100% male or female does not make
them queer? :confused::what:


I'm not exactly sure what you mean so please let me know if I'm not understanding something. I'm especially confused by what you mean by 'typecast'.

'Queer' is a reclaimed word (that means it used to be a slur, but many LGBT+ people have taken it back as a positive thing, somewhat similar to how many black people have taken back the n word) that applies to anyone who is not cisgender and heterosexual. Essentially, it means to 'deviate from the norm'. Since the norm in society is cisgender and heterosexual (eg. a man born with a penis who identifies as male and is exclusively attracted to women), then anyone who is not all of these things is a part of the queer community. This encompasses cisgender gay or bisexual people, transgender people (straight gay or otherwise) and genderqueer people, regardless of their orientation.

So, them not being 100% male or female does actually make them queer. I think you may be talking about sexual orientation? Please correct me if I'm wrong here with what you mean. Remember that sexual orientation has nothing to do with gender identity, a genderqueer person may be attracted to any gender and that doesn't make them more or less a part of the queer community.

Also, most genderqueer people actively self-identify as queer. That's how they label themselves, so it's not me or anyone else 'type casting' them when that's how they classify themselves.

[ska8er]

I'm not exactly sure what you mean so please let me know if I'm not understanding something. I'm especially confused by what you mean by 'typecast'.

'Queer' is a reclaimed word (that means it used to be a slur, but many LGBT+ people have taken it back as a positive thing, somewhat similar to how many black people have taken back the n word) that applies to anyone who is not cisgender and heterosexual. Essentially, it means to 'deviate from the norm'. Since the norm in society is cisgender and heterosexual (eg. a man born with a penis who identifies as male and is exclusively attracted to women), then anyone who is not all of these things is a part of the queer community. This encompasses cisgender gay or bisexual people, transgender people (straight gay or otherwise) and genderqueer people, regardless of their orientation.

So, them not being 100% male or female does actually make them queer. I think you may be talking about sexual orientation? Please correct me if I'm wrong here with what you mean. Remember that sexual orientation has nothing to do with gender identity, a genderqueer person may be attracted to any gender and that doesn't make them more or less a part of the queer community.

Also, most genderqueer people actively self-identify as queer. That's how they label themselves, so it's not me or anyone else 'type casting' them when that's how they classify themselves.


I mean sexual orientation-and typecasting themselves as queer-I think just the way some blacks using the "N" word and also the LGBT using the "queer" word r "in my opinion" going backwards instead of forward in regards to themselves. Queer and the N word r nasty words and in many ways lead to bigotry and bullying especially in teens who may b troubled. If the LGBT community want to use "queer" as a positive-I feel they r only confusing
people. :confused::?2:

[Kaeneus]

I mean sexual orientation-and typecasting themselves as queer-I think just the way some blacks using the "N" word and also the LGBT using the "queer" word r "in my opinion" going backwards instead of forward in regards to themselves. Queer and the N word r nasty words and in many ways lead to bigotry and bullying especially in teens who may b troubled. If the LGBT community want to use "queer" as a positive-I feel they r only confusing
people. :confused::?2:

A very valid point! There are many people who are uncomfortable with using the word queer. I personally am not, and that's how I label myself. However, there are some LGBT+ people who agree with on that point, and don't like the word at all. But for LGBT+ people who choose to reclaim it, that's their choice. The word has been used to hurt them and reclaiming it can be a way for them to heal and move past it, to take the power away from the word. Also, queer as a term also started becoming more popular when striaght cis people started saying things like "What is it now? LGBTQIAPZTNSMDJ? Too many letters, this is ridiculous." They wanted a simpler term, so we gave them one. You said they are 'nasty' words and I don't necessarily agree with that, queer isn't a nasty word to me, but it can be used in a very nasty way. But if we call ourselves that, if we reclaim it, own it, then it takes away the power for other people to use it as a weapon. Does that make sense?

[Kyle37]

How did you go about discovering that you wanted to do the operation? Was it some life changing event or gradual, something like that?

[Kaeneus]

How did you go about discovering that you wanted to do the operation? Was it some life changing event or gradual, something like that?

Kind of gradual. It's hard to pin point an exact time, or to establish a 'timeline of events' in my mind. I know that I chose my name about two years ago, and starting coming out around a year and a half ago, but I can't really pinpoint where it started to be an issue for me. There wasn't any 'life changing moment', but I guess that some conversations I had with my friends about gender, and learning more about how all of this worked, was what kind of prompted me to start thinking more deeply about it.

Also, as a note: there is no single 'operation'. There are a number of different surgies related to medical transition, including but not limited to: breast augmentation, vaginoplasty, phalloplasty, double mastectomy and facial feminization or masculinization.

[Kyle37]

Kind of gradual. It's hard to pin point an exact time, or to establish a 'timeline of events' in my mind. I know that I chose my name about two years ago, and starting coming out around a year and a half ago, but I can't really pinpoint where it started to be an issue for me. There wasn't any 'life changing moment', but I guess that some conversations I had with my friends about gender, and learning more about how all of this worked, was what kind of prompted me to start thinking more deeply about it.

Also, as a note: there is no single 'operation'. There are a number of different surgies related to medical transition, including but not limited to: breast augmentation, vaginoplasty, phalloplasty, double mastectomy and facial feminization or masculinization.

Soz didn't mean it as a single operation although it was misleading. Thanks for answering my question!

[Kaeneus]

Soz didn't mean it as a single operation although it was misleading. Thanks for answering my question!

You're very welcome! And it's no problem, it can be confusing, the surgeries are quite complicated and the whole process is sorta confusing, so it's easy to get mixed up!

[ska8er]

A very valid point! There are many people who are uncomfortable with using the word queer. I personally am not, and that's how I label myself. However, there are some LGBT+ people who agree with on that point, and don't like the word at all. But for LGBT+ people who choose to reclaim it, that's their choice. The word has been used to hurt them and reclaiming it can be a way for them to heal and move past it, to take the power away from the word. Also, queer as a term also started becoming more popular when striaght cis people started saying things like "What is it now? LGBTQIAPZTNSMDJ? Too many letters, this is ridiculous." They wanted a simpler term, so we gave them one. You said they are 'nasty' words and I don't necessarily agree with that, queer isn't a nasty word to me, but it can be used in a very nasty way. But if we call ourselves that, if we reclaim it, own it, then it takes away the power for other people to use it as a weapon. Does that make sense?


Yeah I can c ur point But maybe an adult or one who is more mature can reclaim and use "queer" as an anti weapon- But tell that to a young teen who is being called queer by his peers. Its still a nasty word and used in a nasty
way as u said. :(

Kind of gradual. It's hard to pin point an exact time, or to establish a 'timeline of events' in my mind. I know that I chose my name about two years ago, and starting coming out around a year and a half ago, but I can't really pinpoint where it started to be an issue for me. There wasn't any 'life changing moment', but I guess that some conversations I had with my friends about gender, and learning more about how all of this worked, was what kind of prompted me to start thinking more deeply about it.

Also, as a note: there is no single 'operation'. There are a number of different surgies related to medical transition, including but not limited to: breast augmentation, vaginoplasty, phalloplasty, double mastectomy and facial feminization or masculinization.

Have those that have surgery have regrets
and return to their sex at birth-if u know what
I mean? Don't know how that would b possible. :confused:

[Kaeneus]

Have those that have surgery have regrets
and return to their sex at birth-if u know what
I mean? Don't know how that would b possible. :confused:

A very small minority of trans people who medically transition choose to 'de transition'. This is only about 1 - 2%. People detransition for many reasons, not necessarily 'regretting it' . Some find their personal relationships are ruined because people can't accept them, or there might be medical reasons which make it unsafe for them to continue transitioning.

Detransitiong can involve stopping taking hormones, and retaking your initial hormones that your body produced. It can also include reversive surgery if you've already had GRS.

[Leprous]

What's your favourite cheese?

[Kaeneus]

What's your favourite cheese?

Haha, I'd have to say mozzarella :P That on some pizza is great

[Merk]

Um ok, what gender were you born as, and do you still have the same genitals? Sorry if rude :)

[Kaeneus]

Um ok, what gender were you born as, and do you still have the same genitals? Sorry if rude :)

That's okay! This is an opportunity to ask me anything, so it's fine :)

I was DFAB (Designated Female at Birth). That means I was born with XX chromosomes and female biology.

I am pre-op (pre-operation), meaning that I haven't had any surgery yet, so yes I still have the same genitalia I was born with.