she suddenly friendzones me in a weird way?

[kittycat72]

Hi, so I have a really strange situation. So there's a girl who I'm in love with that I've been chasing after for a couple years and she has a bf. we talk mainly on text messages because her boyfriend is over-controlling over her and won't let me step near her, but we've texted and she knows I like her and she's admitted to having heavy feelings for me several times and one point I said I love you and she said it back. I really feel like shes the one, because shes the one girl that I can think about more good stuff besides just sexual things (sounds very weird because of how I word it, but I mean that I would feel that just laying with her would be amazing or going to see a movie or anything really).

Now here's the conflict. obviously there is already a bit of conflict with her already having a boyfriend, but they always fight but they apologize instantly so I don't know how strong their relationship is. I know that they fight and then grow even stronger together, and they've been going out for maybe two years, give or take. Now normally I don't wana interfere with a relationship, but he treats her so badly and she tells me about that, and I really feel incredibly attached to her.

But alright, recently I was so happy that morning that we had such a good skype call the night before that I sent a paragraph saying how much I appriciate her staying up and calling and what not, so she asked if she could ask me something, and I say sure, and she says if we could keep our relationship to just being friends. And just a couple days ago from this message, she had said I love you and said she had heavy feelings and we were flirting kinda a lot that night.

I asked her how strict is the just being friends thing, and she said enough so she doesn't feel guilty (related to the fact that the other day I was really depressed because I thought she had done something but I found out it wasn't true and it was just worded badly by someone, and also because I had told her that I felt hurt whenever I saw her and her bf together so happy). So I explained that I was just really sad when i got depressed and that I could stop getting sad about her and her bf, but she said no she won't compromise with me. so i was really stunned and said do you have feelings for me and she replied saying "had feelings". that tore me up so badly.

She then said I had to just let it go and she said she had loved me, but it didn't matter now and that she can't stand to hurt me like how she was.

She later the next day said she was on her period (related to above??) and we had a really awkward rest of our conversations. she doesn't like me doing anything relating to how I'd joke about dirty stuff about her and she also recently when I said do you want to skype call each other, she said no, and I had asked why and she said "its against my code". she said she doesn't want to be alone with me. also, at one point maybe a few days after our breakup thing, she wasn't in a great mood but I mistakenly asked her if she had feelings for me, and she replied saying "I'm not going to answer that question because it won't do either of us good" so I questioned that and she said if she said she did, then I'd just complain about her and her bf hurting me, and if she said no, i'd be upset. she wouldn't go any further into depth on that because she started getting really pissed.

since our weird breakup thing, I've sent a couple of long messages telling her how I love her and that she means everything to me. the first one I sent after she was in a good mood with me and she replied saying "awwwww" and then "fuck" and then said she was torn. that night's conversation about that stopped then. then the second one I sent about how I wish we would go back to normal and that I'd do anything, which followed her getting angry about me asking why she won't let me call her, she replied with just saying it was nice but she didn't have anything to say about it. that kinda hurt a ton. so later today saying if she would give me a second chance if i tried super hard to be better at blank blank and blank, but she didn't reply to it really. So I was thinking maybe to ask her about it tomorrow or something.

Thats pretty much it, but I just wanted to mention that whenever shes not in a good mood with me and I mention that something about how im sad about everything, she really doesn't seem to care at all. I feel like she really does care on the inside but she just is trying to get away from it or something, I don't know anymore. This has been a heavy load on my mind for the past week or so, so I'm really torn a lot. If anyone can offer advice on what I should do, PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE do. I want to repair our relationship (maybe even get her to go out with me) but from the day after she broke up with me, i couldn't stand anything that day. like i was so depressed that i was close to suicidal depressed, but I know i won't do something as tragic as that. but i was seriously like unbelievably enormously effected by it.

Thank you for any help you can provide!

[Xiao.Z]

This much for reply but I try.

I believe you not like my opinion but I tell anyway because I think is true. You need let her go. If she break up boyfriend then you try but not now. You say he over protect of her. If you have girlfriend and other boy always text and chat her and you know he want her you not try protect relationship? You must let her decide life for self unless you over control her to.

I sorry you go through much hurt over girl but hurt only heal when stop tear at scab.

This quote for you:
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.

[uwpm]

So I was also in this sort of pseudo relationship with my now girlfriend before we got together. We used to flirt, stop, go back to normal, etc. It was kinda exasperating, but fun at the same time (weird, but maybe you can relate lol), so I may have some insight that could help you.

What i would suggest you do right now, before sending more of those lovey dovey text book messages is to her is getting clear what you guys are/what you want to be. Ask her in a very serious, yet respective manner what you guys are and if you will pursue something together other than being friends (this is what I did in my situation, though be conscious that could say no to a relationship). You should be clear on what you want, though I suggest being completely open to being friends if you don't to lose her as one. If she says yes, the congrats you may move forwards with her.

Other advice I can give you from experience:
Firstly, you need to think if you truly LOVE her. Love is a very intense feeling. Now i don't know how you two have evolved but it seems to me that you weren't in a true relationship (from what I understood), it was more of a Pseudo Relationship so to say. I don't know how old you are, or how many people you've been with, but it feels to ME that you may be confusing love with a very big infatuation with this girl. So think about that.

Secondly, she has a boyfriend. Over everything I say you should respect their relationship. Put yourself in her boyfriend's shoes. Would you want some guy telling her "I love you" and sending her messages about how much she means to him. I certainly wouldn't like it. So do as you would want yourself to do if you were her boyfriend (confusing I know lol).

Lastly, respect her choice. Everything that isn't a yes is a no. Don't push her, it could ruin your friendship. Not having a relationship with her is not the end of the world. I know you've pursuing her for a while now, but time will heal you.

Hope it helps you!

[Uniquemind]

She's getting pissed because when you tell her you become sad because she won't give you a chance (and I'm paraphrasing your point here) it feels like a giant you trying to guilt trip or put her in a position where her action is directly responsible for your mental health.

That's a huge burden, to any friend, and the fact that you keep bringing it up ruins any gun casual vibes by hanging out.

If she is with a abusive guy, and she stays with him, that's on her to move out, and if she doesn't and meets an unhappy fate, that's sad objectively, but she is not yours and you should not be comparing her BF's treatment of her, to how you would.

All this time you probably are a good outlet to relieve stress from her relationship, but she I think is realizing this is unhealthy.

Maybe she does have feelings for you, but I think her recent actions are her attempt to separate the drama of her problems, from the variable that is you and your friendship, and by simple logic that the current boyfriend has priority chances to fix the relationship with her, for now you are on the back burner until she can feel she gave the BF a fair and square chance at making up, or breaking the current romance she has.

You are wise if you move on and let her drama play out.