Sex and mental consciousness states dynamic on relationships

[Uniquemind]

https://www.shaktitechnology.com/mob.sex_ascs.htm

It is a very long read, but an interesting one nonetheless.

I think it is intellectually stimulating enough to be a topic here as it academic in tone.

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This begs me to ask though how have / are your relationships impacted by differing sex drives between you and a partner?

Does it lead to cheating?

Does it lead to a breakup or unhappy breakdown of the relationship? Is there resentment for not fulfilling those needs?

Do you allow open relationship or something of that sort?

Has the quality of the sex, be it good or bad, influenced or made it harder or easier to leave a relationship? Does a good sexual dynamic make it hard to leave a toxic relationship and do you think it is a temptation to cheat or continue to cheat on a good non-abusive but solid relationship?

[Uniquemind]

Still awaiting a response so I am bumping. The rules if I read them correctly allow me to bump my own posts.

[indoxyl]

you do realize that this forum is full of 13 to 17 year olds that have either never had sex or had a relationship.

you're not going to get very stimulating comments

[Uniquemind]

you do realize that this forum is full of 13 to 17 year olds that have either never had sex or had a relationship.

you're not going to get very stimulating comments

I'm in that age range myself and I thought to ask the question. Perhaps responses will just take time, if anything I hope I got people thinking.


I guess I'm just too weird, and think to much.

But since you responded what are your thoughts?

[SubEruanna]

if you're really innocent or sensitive to sexual topics please dont read this post
i also reccomed that you dont follow in my footsteps and cross the same lines i did. at times it was illegal, and at others, just plain morally wrong, dont make the same mistakes i did.

im in that age range and ive had 2 very different relationships. I wasnt sure if i wanted to talk about it on here, but oh well, here i go.

the first. i was 13/14 (i cant quite remember). i had been acessing erotica online for a couple of years now, and my tastes were...unique. the type of erotic i was reading, the characters were doing things that.... remember 50 shades? they were doing stuff similar to that. i wanted to find a guy that would be my Dominant and as a boyfriend. i chose a guy, hinted to some gossipy girls that i liked him, and he asked me out. we didnt go much further than that. we kissed, alot, but he didnt take charge like the boys in the books and generally wasnt a prince charming first boyfriend. he hadnt experimented at all, and i was at the level of most college students, neither could give the other what we wanted, and we broke up within the school week.

i decided that that was a flop and high school boys were too immature for my tastes.

i looked elsewhere, specifically, the medium that had given me the most sexual pleasure thus far, the internet. i signed up to an 18+ online dating site, and started searching for guys. due to my age (said on the site as 18) i recived many messages, compliments, virtual gifts and started many relationships. few lasted a week, some lasted a month, an online i kept many relationships going at once. i recieved around 20-40 messages each week. i hinted at my true age in my profile, and with the second message i told a guy my true age as a simple sum (eg, my age was 10 + 3) to avoid moderators. i was looking for a guy that said he was 18, but was actually younger, but no 18-20 year olds seemed to exist. i kept a rule, no guys above 40years and stuck to it. when my Master first messaged me, he started off as a normal chat, was mature, and didnt rush things. we went to a more secure chat app and talked for about a month more. then we exchanged emails, and he agreed to train me. he was far more experienced than me, and yet he seemed to like this fact. he liked teaching me new things and i liked learning them. i called him Sir and obeyed him, and it was perfect. we said "i love you's" in our 3rd month and i agreed to become his slavegirl in the 4th. not once did i think about either of us cheating. at 5months a week, and a coupleof days, my mum found out about us. i still dont know how much she found out, but im too scared to ask. i told him, and we agreed to end the relationship until i was 18 and could date him legally. for about 2 months after i went into sub-drop, which is similar to deppresison in symptoms, but it's kind of hard to explain. basically BDSM gives the people who are into it a drug-like natural high, sub-drop and Top-drop are like the "withdrawl" from that high, and i got it bad, barely struggled through my birthday, and botched my exams.

so that's the side of me few people know about, and the side of me that a cant ever reveal to the people i truly care about.

relationships are hard, but when you click with someone like i did with my Master, it still makes me cry sometimes

Eruanna (that's the name that he choose for me, it's my real name- but in the most beutiful language i know-Elvish)

[Uniquemind]

Bumping, simply because the topic is somewhat relevant again and new people have since joined the forums since this post.

I am the original poster, I am bumping and request this discussion not be locked.

[Alex1s]

Thanks for bumping!

Our sex drives are definitely at the same level. We're both constantly horny lol

We haven't even been dating a whole year yet and have only just started having sex over the summer, so I feel like opening up the relationship would be silly. Especially cause the lack of satisfaction is one sided. That might be a discussion for a later time for us but just not now.

Cheating has never crossed my mind. Not even a little. I respect and care about my boyfriend too much for that to even be an option. Even if I did find a similar emotional connection with a guy that I currently have with my boyfriend his potential for better sex still wouldn't erase the incredible amount of loyalty and respect I have for my boyfriend. I'll admit though, it would probably lead me to question whether or not there might be a better relationship for me out there for me. I just can't see my decision being tipped one way or another by a bigger dick on another guy.

I also don't feel any resentment because he takes care of me in other ways too. Like sex is important but it's no the centerpiece of my relationship. Think about veterans that come back alive but with damaged and on-working reproductive parts but still go on and keep marriages going. They have more invested in their relationships than just physical feelings.

As far as if good sex makes it hard to leave a toxic relationship I can't really answer that because I've never been in that situation before. But I know that if I can't trust the guy anymore I'm probably not going to be having sex with him anymore so I doubt him being a good lay would keep that relationship going.

[Tesserax]

you do realize that this forum is full of 13 to 17 year olds that have either never had sex or had a relationship.

you're not going to get very stimulating comments

Firstly, many 13-17 year olds have been in sexual relationships, regardless of what you may think or believe.

Secondly, I've noticed that most of your posts in this forum seem to be more cynical or negative. While those comments are often fine, I do notice a couple that are clearly just to berate or or vilify, and I ask on the behalf of us all that you at least try to avoid these particularly unnecessary ones.

To the OP: Personally I have never had a sexual partner, though I do have a high sex drive and as a result masturbate a lot. However, I've found that when I am pursuing a relationship I am able to and willing to put my sexual desires aside for the sake of the pursued. It depends on person to person though, on three major factors:

1) Sex drive
2) Self-control
3) Aim in the relationship

High sex drive + good self-control + Want a long term relationship can = a good relationship

High sex drive + good self-control + Don't want LTR can = FWB

High sex drive + bad self-control + Want LTR most likely = tears and a messy breakup

Of course this highly speculative, though I do base these rough assumptions off observations, not just random guesses, and of course it also naturally relies on the three main factors of both parties, not just one.

[Cadanance00]

I've only been in one sexual relationship so I'm not a big expert. Sex changed the relationship. Not closer or more distant just different.

Yes, difference in sex drive is a problem. We didn't do it near enough for me but she seemed to be okay with it. We could only do it like every week or two, usually two. It was mostly a problem of finding a place to be alone to do it.

I guess you could say it was an open relationship of sorts. She still wanted to see they guy she lost her v with when he came home from college. She said they usually didn't have sex but sometimes they did. I had agreed to it at first, mostly cuz she was a longtime friend but I think I was too jealous of him or feeling second place and that led to it's coming apart in the end. I could understand having more than one partner if everybody knew each other and there was an understanding of who was doing what, but I haven't seen it happen.

I think the quality of sex is important. Ours wasn't the best at first cuz she was very inexperienced and it was my first so lots of fumbling around to begin with, but when it got better it was definitely making the relationship closer and more satisfying. It just comes with more expectations, I think.

[Uniquemind]

I've only been in one sexual relationship so I'm not a big expert. Sex changed the relationship. Not closer or more distant just different.

Yes, difference in sex drive is a problem. We didn't do it near enough for me but she seemed to be okay with it. We could only do it like every week or two, usually two. It was mostly a problem of finding a place to be alone to do it.

I guess you could say it was an open relationship of sorts. She still wanted to see they guy she lost her v with when he came home from college. She said they usually didn't have sex but sometimes they did. I had agreed to it at first, mostly cuz she was a longtime friend but I think I was too jealous of him or feeling second place and that led to it's coming apart in the end. I could understand having more than one partner if everybody knew each other and there was an understanding of who was doing what, but I haven't seen it happen.

I think the quality of sex is important. Ours wasn't the best at first cuz she was very inexperienced and it was my first so lots of fumbling around to begin with, but when it got better it was definitely making the relationship closer and more satisfying. It just comes with more expectations, I think.

Your talking about sexual-power dynamics here.

Yeah it's a factor.

If it's not equal, if one gives "consent" half-heartedly without truly knowing their own feelings, it in my view dooms the relationship.




Firstly, many 13-17 year olds have been in sexual relationships, regardless of what you may think or believe.

Secondly, I've noticed that most of your posts in this forum seem to be more cynical or negative. While those comments are often fine, I do notice a couple that are clearly just to berate or or vilify, and I ask on the behalf of us all that you at least try to avoid these particularly unnecessary ones.

To the OP: Personally I have never had a sexual partner, though I do have a high sex drive and as a result masturbate a lot. However, I've found that when I am pursuing a relationship I am able to and willing to put my sexual desires aside for the sake of the pursued. It depends on person to person though, on three major factors:

1) Sex drive
2) Self-control
3) Aim in the relationship

High sex drive + good self-control + Want a long term relationship can = a good relationship

High sex drive + good self-control + Don't want LTR can = FWB

High sex drive + bad self-control + Want LTR most likely = tears and a messy breakup

Of course this highly speculative, though I do base these rough assumptions off observations, not just random guesses, and of course it also naturally relies on the three main factors of both parties, not just one.

That's true to some degree because there is genuine human effort to try and make a relationship work.

People go through a "low-key, feel your partner out emotionally" kinda stage, it is in my view occurring at the "honeymoon" stage of the relationship.

Sexual incompatibilities usually reveal themselves once both parties have crossed that comfort barrier emotionally to start touching each other. Or if the physical side of things starts right away the person silently enduring discomfort might begin to start to verbalize their displeasure. (This is where we see legit size issue talks with girlfriends, sexual technique problems and advice is procured from our social network we trust to help us in this relationship hurtle).

And if it's a hurtle the couple can't vault over, a breakup occurs.


That's my view of it, do you agree?

[DoodleSnap]

The relationships I have been in have never involved boundaries regarding what we do with others. I have had a couple of relationships, which have both coexisted, however it may be worth noting that one was a long distance one, and the other in person. However, we all feel that it's important that we experience the world, and all it has to offer, without tying each other down. So I guess it could be called an open relationship, but I tend to simply call us friends and lovers. It's not a setup for everyone, but with good trust, communication, and honesty, it allows us to receive different satisfaction from those who can provide it.