Girlfriend needs space

[BigDog99]

So Before the weekend, my girlfriend of 2 years came to me and decided she needed space. (16 and I'm 17) When she came to me, I was so confused and she didn't have any reason as to why she wanted this space. I was so frustrated and confused I just told her to leave.

Over the weekend, we didn't talk at all until she called me on Sunday and said she wanted to talk. On Sunday we takes and she insisted she wanted to not be in a relationship with me anymore despite her "still loving me". I convinced her to give it a week since she had given me no indication that she felt different and we could work it out since we had never had significant problems over 2 years. She kissed me several times when we were talking and she was visibly upset about breaking it off with me, but she said the two days that I didn't talk to her over the weekend she really didn't feel any different. That hurt.

On Monday, she ended it all with me as I was still being patient with her and offering her an alternative route that would salvage our relationship. She says she wants me still in her life and she still wants me to be her friend, and she still thinks I'm the "one" but she wants to know what it's like to be single and stand on her own 2 feet, despite the fact that I have given her ample space during our 2 years together. She says she believes I'm the one but she wants to make sure and just have time to think alone. She says its not another guy and I have talked to her friends and guys that I know around her and they have all said they can't think of anyone that she would be interested in. I have tried to cut contact with her but she texts me a little bit and it's hard to completely leave her alone after 2 years of her being there for me and me being there for her.

I guess my question is, if I want her back how long should I give her before I move on elsewhere. I still love her, and she says she still loves me despite her actions. Her parents have even told me to be patient with her over this time. Should I give her a few weeks and then contact her and maybe ask for a night to talk? Or should I just leave her indefinitely. She had initially asked for 2 weeks of space so I'm thinking about contacting her and maybe asking for a casual date to talk after finals have passed at school so I can focus until then. What do you guys think?

[thatcountrykid]

I'd say give her a month or so, still talk like friends and do your own things and in a little while just ask for a casual date or something. But you've gotta respect her decision and don't hover over her or else you'll push her away.

[Sailor Mars]

^ Like countrykid said, give her some time and let her decide what she wants. If she doesn't want a relationship, don't try to push it. You guys can still be friends and try to rebuild it, but don't try to force a puzzle piece into a space that doesn't fit.

[Tesserax]

So Before the weekend, my girlfriend of 2 years came to me and decided she needed space. (16 and I'm 17) When she came to me, I was so confused and she didn't have any reason as to why she wanted this space. I was so frustrated and confused I just told her to leave.

Over the weekend, we didn't talk at all until she called me on Sunday and said she wanted to talk. On Sunday we takes and she insisted she wanted to not be in a relationship with me anymore despite her "still loving me". I convinced her to give it a week since she had given me no indication that she felt different and we could work it out since we had never had significant problems over 2 years. She kissed me several times when we were talking and she was visibly upset about breaking it off with me, but she said the two days that I didn't talk to her over the weekend she really didn't feel any different. That hurt.

On Monday, she ended it all with me as I was still being patient with her and offering her an alternative route that would salvage our relationship. She says she wants me still in her life and she still wants me to be her friend, and she still thinks I'm the "one" but she wants to know what it's like to be single and stand on her own 2 feet, despite the fact that I have given her ample space during our 2 years together. She says she believes I'm the one but she wants to make sure and just have time to think alone. She says its not another guy and I have talked to her friends and guys that I know around her and they have all said they can't think of anyone that she would be interested in. I have tried to cut contact with her but she texts me a little bit and it's hard to completely leave her alone after 2 years of her being there for me and me being there for her.

I guess my question is, if I want her back how long should I give her before I move on elsewhere. I still love her, and she says she still loves me despite her actions. Her parents have even told me to be patient with her over this time. Should I give her a few weeks and then contact her and maybe ask for a night to talk? Or should I just leave her indefinitely. She had initially asked for 2 weeks of space so I'm thinking about contacting her and maybe asking for a casual date to talk after finals have passed at school so I can focus until then. What do you guys think?

Tell her she can't use you as a "trial boyfriend". Either she loves you, and will show it and be true to this fact now and forever (or until you seriously break up), or she doesn't love you and has to move on. Tell her that either she stays with you, or she fucks off, because to be honest you can't "love" somebody and be single, as in dating single, hooking up with other people single. You can't love somebody and do that all at the same time, and if you do, you don't really love the person, you just want sex.

I suggest reminding her of this, and if she still wants to be single and "try" it out, then tell her to actually be single. Don't be her reserve, for the chance that she actually thinks she wants to stay with you, you deserve more.

[Zbmrnb16]

Give it a month or two, but don't be surprised if this ends poorly.

[SethfromMI]

sometimes people need space. sometimes space helps, sometimes space doesn't. but if she needs/wants space and if you don't give it to her, it is more than likely going to make things get worse a lot quicker

[Uniquemind]

Tell her she can't use you as a "trial boyfriend". Either she loves you, and will show it and be true to this fact now and forever (or until you seriously break up), or she doesn't love you and has to move on. Tell her that either she stays with you, or she fucks off, because to be honest you can't "love" somebody and be single, as in dating single, hooking up with other people single. You can't love somebody and do that all at the same time, and if you do, you don't really love the person, you just want sex.

I suggest reminding her of this, and if she still wants to be single and "try" it out, then tell her to actually be single. Don't be her reserve, for the chance that she actually thinks she wants to stay with you, you deserve more.

Not necessarily true, sex and love are separate.

You can love someone, and then have a person on the side that mutually provides the physical aspect of satisfying that physical need.

That need is stronger in some than others regardless of boy or girl

Social norms blur the lines between sexual loyalty, equals love.


So Before the weekend, my girlfriend of 2 years came to me and decided she needed space. (16 and I'm 17) When she came to me, I was so confused and she didn't have any reason as to why she wanted this space. I was so frustrated and confused I just told her to leave.

Over the weekend, we didn't talk at all until she called me on Sunday and said she wanted to talk. On Sunday we takes and she insisted she wanted to not be in a relationship with me anymore despite her "still loving me". I convinced her to give it a week since she had given me no indication that she felt different and we could work it out since we had never had significant problems over 2 years. She kissed me several times when we were talking and she was visibly upset about breaking it off with me, but she said the two days that I didn't talk to her over the weekend she really didn't feel any different. That hurt.

On Monday, she ended it all with me as I was still being patient with her and offering her an alternative route that would salvage our relationship. She says she wants me still in her life and she still wants me to be her friend, and she still thinks I'm the "one" but she wants to know what it's like to be single and stand on her own 2 feet, despite the fact that I have given her ample space during our 2 years together. She says she believes I'm the one but she wants to make sure and just have time to think alone. She says its not another guy and I have talked to her friends and guys that I know around her and they have all said they can't think of anyone that she would be interested in. I have tried to cut contact with her but she texts me a little bit and it's hard to completely leave her alone after 2 years of her being there for me and me being there for her.

I guess my question is, if I want her back how long should I give her before I move on elsewhere. I still love her, and she says she still loves me despite her actions. Her parents have even told me to be patient with her over this time. Should I give her a few weeks and then contact her and maybe ask for a night to talk? Or should I just leave her indefinitely. She had initially asked for 2 weeks of space so I'm thinking about contacting her and maybe asking for a casual date to talk after finals have passed at school so I can focus until then. What do you guys think?

Guys are horrible at sensing when a girl is mulling over troubles or stressful issues in their heads.

The truth is she probably was contemplating this issue for a while now, and by the time the words left her mouth, emotionally her decision was made.

It's news to you because you weren't reading in-between the lines.

It's also possible that this is a consequence for dating someone who doesn't know themselves very well and are still in the "self-maturing" stage in their life.



I recommend not giving her a safety net, endure her words stoically, and move on, because that's what she intends to do.

She wants to not feel trapped or stuck, and she's probably after the "magic spark" of attraction Disney is so famous for stereotyping and thus shaping our expectation of love or what isn't.

Give her a week, and then immediately move on to other love interests.


Even in a breakup the power dynamics must be equal at time of breakup, if it is not balanced you might see ugly breakups occur.

[Tesserax]

Not necessarily true, sex and love are separate.

You can love someone, and then have a person on the side that mutually provides the physical aspect of satisfying that physical need.

That need is stronger in some than others regardless of boy or girl

Social norms blur the lines between sexual loyalty, equals love.




Guys are horrible at sensing when a girl is mulling over troubles or stressful issues in their heads.

The truth is she probably was contemplating this issue for a while now, and by the time the words left her mouth, emotionally her decision was made.

It's news to you because you weren't reading in-between the lines.

It's also possible that this is a consequence for dating someone who doesn't know themselves very well and are still in the "self-maturing" stage in their life.



I recommend not giving her a safety net, endure her words stoically, and move on, because that's what she intends to do.

She wants to not feel trapped or stuck, and she's probably after the "magic spark" of attraction Disney is so famous for stereotyping and thus shaping our expectation of love or what isn't.

Give her a week, and then immediately move on to other love interests.


Even in a breakup the power dynamics must be equal at time of breakup, if it is not balanced you might see ugly breakups occur.

While that may be true in some cultures, sex and love are two things that are indeed separate, but should not be spread between multiple people. Being faithful is perhaps the most important aspect of a relationship, and if you are unfaithful to your partner for the sake of sex, a physical need, you clearly put sex above your partner. It is different in an open relationship of course, but it appears that he does not approve.

[Uniquemind]

While that may be true in some cultures, sex and love are two things that are indeed separate, but should not be spread between multiple people. Being faithful is perhaps the most important aspect of a relationship, and if you are unfaithful to your partner for the sake of sex, a physical need, you clearly put sex above your partner. It is different in an open relationship of course, but it appears that he does not approve.

It would seem.

I'm just weird, the way I see the world. In my case I know myself, and in relation to that other cultures as well and I separate my identity from any culture's norms or rules.

I sometimes project that into the advice I give, just so others can see a different way of thinking or/and feeling.

So that's why I responded to the OP the way I did.

[Xiao.Z]

You need keep go. Ultimatum not help situation. Can not force love and accept. Reject hurt but relationship not work both not try. Sorry this happen for you.