Am we TOO close?

[Zbmrnb16]

So I've been talking to this girl (we'll call her May) for over two years now. We've gotten along REALLY well since day one, and we were both instantly into each other. We'd never admit it, but we only felt stronger and stronger feelings over time. We'd talk everyday, text every night, and for awhile, our lives revolved around each other. She finally told me about how she really felt after we got in a big fight 5 months ago, and we've been together since then. We're spending more time together than we ever have, and we were almost immediately completely in love with each other. She's all I can ever think about, and I'm the only person she trusts with her life. We've only been together for 5 months, but after 2 years of buildup, it feels like we've been together for as long as we've been talking. We both have very, VERY strong feelings toward one another, but is that okay this early in our relationship?

[Tesserax]

You can never get too close to somebody. The worst case scenario is that they see something they don't like, and then they shut you out, but that's getting close, it's opening up and being rejected for it. If you two have mutual feelings the way you describe, even at this early point, it's okay. I knew my first (sort of) girlfriend for only two months, and we were going pretty good but then I made a mistake. However, it was the connection we shared that made us really strong, and it was only broken by the magnitude of my mistake (which was ultimately amplified by her rather... bitchy nature).

Anyway, tl;dr you two are fine, and if you've known each other for 2 year that's even better. Just relax, and have fun!

[Uniquemind]

You can never get too close to somebody. The worst case scenario is that they see something they don't like, and then they shut you out, but that's getting close, it's opening up and being rejected for it. If you two have mutual feelings the way you describe, even at this early point, it's okay. I knew my first (sort of) girlfriend for only two months, and we were going pretty good but then I made a mistake. However, it was the connection we shared that made us really strong, and it was only broken by the magnitude of my mistake (which was ultimately amplified by her rather... bitchy nature).

Anyway, tl;dr you two are fine, and if you've known each other for 2 year that's even better. Just relax, and have fun!

Want to shed light on this mistake that should be avoided?




So I've been talking to this girl (we'll call her May) for over two years now. We've gotten along REALLY well since day one, and we were both instantly into each other. We'd never admit it, but we only felt stronger and stronger feelings over time. We'd talk everyday, text every night, and for awhile, our lives revolved around each other. She finally told me about how she really felt after we got in a big fight 5 months ago, and we've been together since then. We're spending more time together than we ever have, and we were almost immediately completely in love with each other. She's all I can ever think about, and I'm the only person she trusts with her life. We've only been together for 5 months, but after 2 years of buildup, it feels like we've been together for as long as we've been talking. We both have very, VERY strong feelings toward one another, but is that okay this early in our relationship?

The risk with being too close is that it tends to keep both individuals insulated socially and over time what seems very cozy and comfortable may begin to make one or both persons begin to feel smothered. If this problem rears it's head, it's common for the feeling of being smothered to be felt before it can be articulated into words...and when it's already in words usually that means a breakup conversation is occurring.

Anyway I'm getting ahead of myself, because it might not even happen in your case. I only said this because that's a scenario you need to be aware of for down the road if you're still together.

This can be remedied by discussing boundaries and balancing relationship time with time and goals relating purely to each individual so both people feel personal growth as an individual, that mutually contributes with another growing person to form a relationship.

I recommend having a discussion that helps clear the air and makes way for understanding and communication for:

1. What would define cheating or infidelity? Is that practical?

2. What colleges are both of you looking at for the future?

3. Issues with sex and protection (condoms and birth control), are both of you comfortable discussing what works and what doesn't? (Forum rules prevent this being discussed further) but as a general premise this topic is important for a relationship.

How old are you guys anyway?

Might I also ask for background about the "big fight" and what lead up to and how that was resolved?

So that's my advice, hope it helps!

[Tesserax]

Want to shed light on this mistake that should be avoided?






The risk with being too close is that it tends to keep both individuals insulated socially and over time what seems very cozy and comfortable may begin to make one or both persons begin to feel smothered. If this problem rears it's head, it's common for the feeling of being smothered to be felt before it can be articulated into words...and when it's already in words usually that means a breakup conversation is occurring.

Anyway I'm getting ahead of myself, because it might not even happen in your case. I only said this because that's a scenario you need to be aware of for down the road if you're still together.

This can be remedied by discussing boundaries and balancing relationship time with time and goals relating purely to each individual so both people feel personal growth as an individual, that mutually contributes with another growing person to form a relationship.

I recommend having a discussion that helps clear the air and makes way for understanding and communication for:

1. What would define cheating or infidelity? Is that practical?

2. What colleges are both of you looking at for the future?

3. Issues with sex and protection (condoms and birth control), are both of you comfortable discussing what works and what doesn't? (Forum rules prevent this being discussed further) but as a general premise this topic is important for a relationship.

How old are you guys anyway?

Might I also ask for background about the "big fight" and what lead up to and how that was resolved?

So that's my advice, hope it helps!

I'd rather not, but just know it was a really stupid suggestion that she spun into an idea that spiralled into us splitting up

[Zbmrnb16]

Want to shed light on this mistake that should be avoided?






The risk with being too close is that it tends to keep both individuals insulated socially and over time what seems very cozy and comfortable may begin to make one or both persons begin to feel smothered. If this problem rears it's head, it's common for the feeling of being smothered to be felt before it can be articulated into words...and when it's already in words usually that means a breakup conversation is occurring.

Anyway I'm getting ahead of myself, because it might not even happen in your case. I only said this because that's a scenario you need to be aware of for down the road if you're still together.

This can be remedied by discussing boundaries and balancing relationship time with time and goals relating purely to each individual so both people feel personal growth as an individual, that mutually contributes with another growing person to form a relationship.

I recommend having a discussion that helps clear the air and makes way for understanding and communication for:

1. What would define cheating or infidelity? Is that practical?

2. What colleges are both of you looking at for the future?

3. Issues with sex and protection (condoms and birth control), are both of you comfortable discussing what works and what doesn't? (Forum rules prevent this being discussed further) but as a general premise this topic is important for a relationship.

How old are you guys anyway?

Might I also ask for background about the "big fight" and what lead up to and how that was resolved?

So that's my advice, hope it helps!

First of all, I want to thank you greatly for the help. As for maintains our own lives, we're both closer to our friends and family than ever (well, maybe not family for her). To answer your questions 1: In our eyes, cheating would be having any sort of sexual relationship with someone else without telling the other first. 2: I'm not sure that we really know yet. 3: Absolutely, we've discussed this many times before, and we've decided that all sex will be well protected, and we'll wait until at least a year in to start. 4: Now, this is where one of the biggest problems comes in, because we're only 14 and 13. I wouldn't blame you for dismissing everything I've said before this after hearing that, but we've both already been in multiple relationships with varying degrees of success. As for the fight, I told her that I used to sext a friend of hers, and she did t seem to mind since I had stopped. However, she also wanted to roleplay with me after hearing that, and although we were only friends, I decided to go along with it. During the middle of it though, she broke down, and started letting everything out. She was suddenly angry with me for many different reasons. Her friend (who I had sexted in the past) tried to calm her down, but they ended up getting in a fight over God knows what, and I got dragged into it. As for how it was resolved, I finally got her to calm down, and she started crying, telling me that she had been in love with me for over two years. We finally told each other EVERYTHING we had kept secrets until then (our feelings, our pasts, our mistakes etc...). After all of that, she said that she wanted to be with me, and I told her that I was a bit overwhelmed, but I'd do it. Ever since then, things have been better for both of us than we could've imagined.

[Uniquemind]

First of all, I want to thank you greatly for the help. As for maintains our own lives, we're both closer to our friends and family than ever (well, maybe not family for her). To answer your questions 1: In our eyes, cheating would be having any sort of sexual relationship with someone else without telling the other first. 2: I'm not sure that we really know yet. 3: Absolutely, we've discussed this many times before, and we've decided that all sex will be well protected, and we'll wait until at least a year in to start. 4: Now, this is where one of the biggest problems comes in, because we're only 14 and 13. I wouldn't blame you for dismissing everything I've said before this after hearing that, but we've both already been in multiple relationships with varying degrees of success. As for the fight, I told her that I used to sext a friend of hers, and she did t seem to mind since I had stopped. However, she also wanted to roleplay with me after hearing that, and although we were only friends, I decided to go along with it. During the middle of it though, she broke down, and started letting everything out. She was suddenly angry with me for many different reasons. Her friend (who I had sexted in the past) tried to calm her down, but they ended up getting in a fight over God knows what, and I got dragged into it. As for how it was resolved, I finally got her to calm down, and she started crying, telling me that she had been in love with me for over two years. We finally told each other EVERYTHING we had kept secrets until then (our feelings, our pasts, our mistakes etc...). After all of that, she said that she wanted to be with me, and I told her that I was a bit overwhelmed, but I'd do it. Ever since then, things have been better for both of us than we could've imagined.

Keep that honesty and open communication going however take note of that "possessive" streak she has of her lovers.


The sense I get is that if this relationship goes south, it will be hard to remain even friends.

Given that you haven't jumped into #3 yet, there are things that don't apply until such acts are occurring, but again both parties need open communication about what works or doesn't work for them.

Example: that roleplay thing, she hit a psychological limit that she herself might've been aware off, but was suppressing for fear's sake, of the consequence of being honest.

^ FATAL FLAW don't do that, and I believe guys do this a lot too or they shut down or don't want to talk about stuff that's stressful or they don't have a solution for.


It is good that you have agreed together that "cheating" means a sexual relationship with another person while keeping the other in the dark.

But I challenge you to be more specific on what defines a "sexual relationship"?

1. Does holding hands count?

2. What if you walk someone home during say a group project and they randomly kiss you?

3. Do you two define it as a sex act occurring with another person, if so which acts?

4. With the phrase "without the other person knowing" what does that mean? Does that mean in some situations you have an open relationship as long as you or her notify that they are going to "boink" said 3rd person, and then fall back on saying "well I gave you advance notice".


My advice is based on "the fight" you guys had, you two seem to both want lock-tight monogamy.


You two as a couple should also begin figuring out areas of academic goals and career goals, so you can shape what higher education places you both could go too that also let both of you pursue your dreams.

Nobody's dreams should be put on hold just so they can be a +1 to their steady.

[Zbmrnb16]

Keep that honesty and open communication going however take note of that "possessive" streak she has of her lovers.


The sense I get is that if this relationship goes south, it will be hard to remain even friends.

Given that you haven't jumped into #3 yet, there are things that don't apply until such acts are occurring, but again both parties need open communication about what works or doesn't work for them.

Example: that roleplay thing, she hit a psychological limit that she herself might've been aware off, but was suppressing for fear's sake, of the consequence of being honest.

^ FATAL FLAW don't do that, and I believe guys do this a lot too or they shut down or don't want to talk about stuff that's stressful or they don't have a solution for.


It is good that you have agreed together that "cheating" means a sexual relationship with another person while keeping the other in the dark.

But I challenge you to be more specific on what defines a "sexual relationship"?

1. Does holding hands count? No, but I'd still tell her, and I know that she'd do the same.

2. What if you walk someone home during say a group project and they randomly kiss you? If that WERE to happen, I'd tell her immediately, and for no reason would I kiss back.

3. Do you two define it as a sex act occurring with another person, if so which acts? Kissing, cuddling, and any form of sex are considered sexual acts as far as we're concerned.

4. With the phrase "without the other person knowing" what does that mean? Does that mean in some situations you have an open relationship as long as you or her notify that they are going to "boink" said 3rd person, and then fall back on saying "well I gave you advance notice". What I mean is that if something like #2 WERE to happen, we'd have to tell each other. I've also told her that I wouldn't mind her being with other partners, as long as she told me about it first. However, she seems to only be interested in me.


My advice is based on "the fight" you guys had, you two seem to both want lock-tight monogamy.


You two as a couple should also begin figuring out areas of academic goals and career goals, so you can shape what higher education places you both could go too that also let both of you pursue your dreams.

Nobody's dreams should be put on hold just so they can be a +1 to their steady.
Thanks again for the help, and for not just dismissing us because of our age. We've made it very clear that we can't let each other get in the way of our separate lives, and our relationship seems to be getting better and better each day.