AstroChris
April 19th, 2016, 10:00 PM
I know that this looks long, but please read it if you have anything to say to a guy who obsesses over girls, and has never had a girlfriend. I really need help here, thanks.
Nice guys finish last. No matter what I have been told, or what I read or try to convince myself of, that seems to be the only think that my mind turns to when I think of relationships. I'm 16 now, I've never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, and never even had a hug that was more than a quick hello or goodbye hug. I think of myself as a gentleman, and a pretty good looking and charming guy, but apparently not. Even when I open up to girls (not about any of that, just asking what to make of a situation or what to do next in a relationship), they tell me that I should do fine, that I'm a great guy and I don't look bad. But it never fucking works! My life has been full of pouring my heart into relationships (friendships at the time) and then have it bite me in the ass, hard. I liked a girl from kindergarten through 8th grade. No you didn't read that wrong. Then I met a girl at a summer camp which I now work at. I didn't see her for two and a half years, and I had a huge crush on her the whole time. There had been other small crushes mixed in with those, but I always came back to those. And both of them ended in me getting a brutal shock back to reality. Now, I'm having crazy back and forth feelings for this girl in my youth group. I developed feelings for her after our youth fall retreat in September last year, and I thought she was into me. She's 19 now and I'm 16. How could I have thought something was going to happen? But she had a history with two of my closest friends, so I decided to take it slow, and not read into anything because I did NOT want a repeat of past relationships. So, I took it slow. I would ask her to hang out at the movies or something, and she would reschedule of other people couldn't come. That's fine I though, she just wants to get to know me. That all changed a couple days ago when she invited me to go see a movie with her and some friends. I though that by friends she meant the unusual suspects. A few guys I knew from youth, and maybe some girls. But I got there and there were only a few of us, and I was the only guy. I thought that this was a step forward because I am the only guy she had invited, and it had been sort of last minute. She could have invited anyone but she chose me. It got better. We chatted during the movie since it was pretty much empty, and she was leaning towards me in her chair, so I leaned towards her (OUR SKIN EVEN BRUSHED A FEW TIMES). God I'm so pathetic! After the movie, she actually opened up to me about a problem she was having with one of my close friends I mentioned earlier. They had a really rough break up, and he has had on and off feeling for her, which is really tearing her apart. I put my arm around her and started rubbing her arm and pulling her close to me, saying things I thought would comfort her. Then it popped into my mind that that is how one of my friends blew it with her, by putting his arm around her. So I quickly withdrew my arm, at the very second she put her head on my shoulder! My stupid ass had to get cold feet, and blow that. So her head shot back up and we kept talking, keeping our distance, but not too far apart. We eventually walked back to her car, she was giving a ride to another girl. We hugged goodbye and I told her if she ever needed to talk more, she could talk to me. She said okay, and told me to text her once I was home (I didn't totally blow it, right?). So I texted her, and we talked about what we were earlier, but other stuff too. I threw in some light flirting at the right times, telling her that even though she had acne she was still pretty, stuff like that. I thought that everything was perfect. That this was finally going to happen. I was finally going to have a girlfriend. Have someone to hold, to stay out all night with laughing and having fun. I could even have my first kiss! My stupid ass read into it. Like I always do. It didn't help at all that my girl friends at school were joking with me talking about how I finally had a gf, and what the wedding was going to be like, etc. (I told them about the movie). So today we were snapchatting, and I decided to try and keep the ball rolling. I would ask her to the movies again, this time just us. Not even as a date! Just to show her that she could trust me to be mature around her, and still be myself when it's just us. So I asked her, and she said yes! I was euphoric! But then she said we should invite my two best guy friends. It felt like a hard punch to the gut. That is exactly what was happening a few months ago, when I decided to step back and just see what happens. Not put myself out there too much. At first I thought it was just her wanting to get to know me better, but now it can't possibly be that. After more than 6 months it can't be that. Friend zoned again. I feel like such a fool! I'm in tears writing this because I feel like girls never see me as more than a friend! I have so much more in me, so much love and affection to give to someone. But I'm always dumping it into an empty hole. I don't even want sex in a relationship, for one I want to save it for marriage, and secondly I just want love more! Just love. Not this modern facade that high schoolers call love, but the real thing. An amazing girl who I can pour my affection into, who will actually accept it and will give some in return. Who I can talk to, and who I can have fun with. That's all I want. But I'm just this pathetic fool crying because he can't get a girlfriend. It's not even just that I mean I've never even gotten/given more than a hello/goodbye hug. And I'm 16! I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I know before that I was letting myself fall into the friendzone, so that's why I decided to put myself out a bit more with the girl from youth group. But it still didn't work. There are guys around me who, not to be mean, but who look worse than me, aren't as sociable as me, and who I see as not really boyfriend material (I know I can't be the judge of that, but still), who are getting girlfriends. I'm not asking what to change. I just want to know what it says about me that I have these long crushes that I get really into. Like I jump from obsession to obsession. And how to stop myself? I swore to myself that I would never again obsess or read into a girl before I was sure she liked me after the two and a half year thing, but I just did it again. Please, help!
Nice guys finish last. No matter what I have been told, or what I read or try to convince myself of, that seems to be the only think that my mind turns to when I think of relationships. I'm 16 now, I've never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, and never even had a hug that was more than a quick hello or goodbye hug. I think of myself as a gentleman, and a pretty good looking and charming guy, but apparently not. Even when I open up to girls (not about any of that, just asking what to make of a situation or what to do next in a relationship), they tell me that I should do fine, that I'm a great guy and I don't look bad. But it never fucking works! My life has been full of pouring my heart into relationships (friendships at the time) and then have it bite me in the ass, hard. I liked a girl from kindergarten through 8th grade. No you didn't read that wrong. Then I met a girl at a summer camp which I now work at. I didn't see her for two and a half years, and I had a huge crush on her the whole time. There had been other small crushes mixed in with those, but I always came back to those. And both of them ended in me getting a brutal shock back to reality. Now, I'm having crazy back and forth feelings for this girl in my youth group. I developed feelings for her after our youth fall retreat in September last year, and I thought she was into me. She's 19 now and I'm 16. How could I have thought something was going to happen? But she had a history with two of my closest friends, so I decided to take it slow, and not read into anything because I did NOT want a repeat of past relationships. So, I took it slow. I would ask her to hang out at the movies or something, and she would reschedule of other people couldn't come. That's fine I though, she just wants to get to know me. That all changed a couple days ago when she invited me to go see a movie with her and some friends. I though that by friends she meant the unusual suspects. A few guys I knew from youth, and maybe some girls. But I got there and there were only a few of us, and I was the only guy. I thought that this was a step forward because I am the only guy she had invited, and it had been sort of last minute. She could have invited anyone but she chose me. It got better. We chatted during the movie since it was pretty much empty, and she was leaning towards me in her chair, so I leaned towards her (OUR SKIN EVEN BRUSHED A FEW TIMES). God I'm so pathetic! After the movie, she actually opened up to me about a problem she was having with one of my close friends I mentioned earlier. They had a really rough break up, and he has had on and off feeling for her, which is really tearing her apart. I put my arm around her and started rubbing her arm and pulling her close to me, saying things I thought would comfort her. Then it popped into my mind that that is how one of my friends blew it with her, by putting his arm around her. So I quickly withdrew my arm, at the very second she put her head on my shoulder! My stupid ass had to get cold feet, and blow that. So her head shot back up and we kept talking, keeping our distance, but not too far apart. We eventually walked back to her car, she was giving a ride to another girl. We hugged goodbye and I told her if she ever needed to talk more, she could talk to me. She said okay, and told me to text her once I was home (I didn't totally blow it, right?). So I texted her, and we talked about what we were earlier, but other stuff too. I threw in some light flirting at the right times, telling her that even though she had acne she was still pretty, stuff like that. I thought that everything was perfect. That this was finally going to happen. I was finally going to have a girlfriend. Have someone to hold, to stay out all night with laughing and having fun. I could even have my first kiss! My stupid ass read into it. Like I always do. It didn't help at all that my girl friends at school were joking with me talking about how I finally had a gf, and what the wedding was going to be like, etc. (I told them about the movie). So today we were snapchatting, and I decided to try and keep the ball rolling. I would ask her to the movies again, this time just us. Not even as a date! Just to show her that she could trust me to be mature around her, and still be myself when it's just us. So I asked her, and she said yes! I was euphoric! But then she said we should invite my two best guy friends. It felt like a hard punch to the gut. That is exactly what was happening a few months ago, when I decided to step back and just see what happens. Not put myself out there too much. At first I thought it was just her wanting to get to know me better, but now it can't possibly be that. After more than 6 months it can't be that. Friend zoned again. I feel like such a fool! I'm in tears writing this because I feel like girls never see me as more than a friend! I have so much more in me, so much love and affection to give to someone. But I'm always dumping it into an empty hole. I don't even want sex in a relationship, for one I want to save it for marriage, and secondly I just want love more! Just love. Not this modern facade that high schoolers call love, but the real thing. An amazing girl who I can pour my affection into, who will actually accept it and will give some in return. Who I can talk to, and who I can have fun with. That's all I want. But I'm just this pathetic fool crying because he can't get a girlfriend. It's not even just that I mean I've never even gotten/given more than a hello/goodbye hug. And I'm 16! I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I know before that I was letting myself fall into the friendzone, so that's why I decided to put myself out a bit more with the girl from youth group. But it still didn't work. There are guys around me who, not to be mean, but who look worse than me, aren't as sociable as me, and who I see as not really boyfriend material (I know I can't be the judge of that, but still), who are getting girlfriends. I'm not asking what to change. I just want to know what it says about me that I have these long crushes that I get really into. Like I jump from obsession to obsession. And how to stop myself? I swore to myself that I would never again obsess or read into a girl before I was sure she liked me after the two and a half year thing, but I just did it again. Please, help!