Ex BF threatening to post intimate pics online

[Londongirl01]

Okay, new member here and my first post.... I recently broke up with BF- no big deal for me (I broke it off) but he was really upset. That was couple of weeks ago. Anyway, we previously made some intimate pics and vids and he has been showing loads of people and is now saying he'll post them online. How can I stop this?!!!

[gemma 2000]

That is called revenge porn. And he can go to jail for that. It been on the newsagents lot. So warn him about that. It might stop him

[Tesserax]

That is called revenge porn. And he can go to jail for that. It been on the newsagents lot. So warn him about that. It might stop him

I agree to some extent, but I would honestly report him instead of warning him. If he's going to be that bitter he honestly should just be punished for it

[ClaraWho]

What he is doing is illegal and has been prosecuted in the UK successfully. You can find said articles via google.

If he has already started spreading them amongst friends, I wouldn't bother threatening him with action. He may just do it out of bitterness. Instead, phone your local police station, you can find their non-emergency number online. Ask to report a case of revenge porn. Yes, it is embarrassing, yes it may go to court, but the alternative is he posts them online. And once up, there's no real way of ever stopping it.

For some people this can really do a lot of damage mentally, so if you ever feel really low about it please seek help from your friends, school counsellor and/or on here. You made those images TOGETHER with the combined agreement and understanding that they were private and intimate.

Take care of yourself, and remember that unless you are 100% sure they have the best intentions (hard to say if you ever can be), make sure to keep the only copy of the vids on your own devices. That way you get all the benefits but less risk (unless someone steals/hacks your laptop...).

Good luck and please keep me/us informed about what happens! I'm here to help :3

~ Clara

[ethan-s]

yeah just call the cops.

[ImCoolBeans]

I would tell a parent before it gets out of hand. It might be embarrassing and they might not be too happy with you over it, but it far outweighs the consequences of him posting those photos online or continuing to show people. As the others have said, that is illegal and he can go to jail for that. This should be a good lesson that you can't trust people with photos like those, and to think twice before sending them out. Relationships come and go, but he can hold onto those forever.

[Uniquemind]

I'd tell him that if he wants to make this emotional personal matter a legal one where he has to go to court for releasing those pictures and be a sex offender for life, he better rethink that threat.

[Roby98]

That's illegal. Tell him you are going to report him to the police if he does that and he will end up in jail.

[Londongirl01]

Thank you for all the good advice :)
Not sure the police will really help and this will just flare up with my parents and thats not good :/
If the pics are loaded on to the internet is there a person I can contact who will remove them?

[Roby98]

Thank you for all the good advice :)
Not sure the police will really help and this will just flare up with my parents and thats not good :/
If the pics are loaded on to the internet is there a person I can contact who will remove them?

The police will help because there is a law:
https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/405286/revenge-porn-factsheet.pdf

Warn him not to do this if he doesn't want to end up in jail.

[KingWavy]

First off, that's super messed up and he is a coward because no real man does that, regardless of how you guys ended. Anyways you could tell people before he does, you could tell his parents, or just get the cops involved. I'm not into involving cops but if that's the way you wanna go by all means do it.

[Roby98]

Okay, new member here and my first post.... I recently broke up with BF- no big deal for me (I broke it off) but he was really upset. That was couple of weeks ago. Anyway, we previously made some intimate pics and vids and he has been showing loads of people and is now saying he'll post them online. How can I stop this?!!!

I haven't read carefully your first post until now.

Even showing those intimate pictures to other people without your consent is against the law.

There are people who's lives have been ruined because their intimate pictures were posted online and viewed by thousand or even millions of people.

GO AND REPORT HIM TO THE POLICE ! This guy is a scumbag and deserves to be in jail !

Don't be afraid to report him !

[gemma 2000]

Tell him if he puts the pics online that he distributing child pornography. If you are under 16. He will end up in big trouble and be put on sex register. If they go online they on forever. So make sure and scare him good about this if you don't want go police. But make him believe you will go and hope fully he change his mind. Good luck.

[lliam]

How can I stop this?!!!

just sue him.

also, the UK has a new revenge porn-law since 2015


http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/11531954/What-is-the-law-on-revenge-porn.html


and some tips what to do ...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/patrick-ambron/what-to-do-when-youre-the_b_7641154.html

[ClaraWho]

Thank you for all the good advice :)
Not sure the police will really help and this will just flare up with my parents and thats not good :/
If the pics are loaded on to the internet is there a person I can contact who will remove them?

Everything has now been said and repeated. Fact is, there's nobody and no means of removing images once they reach the Internet, so stop it before it happens.

Why wait for a cure to be discovered when you have a vaccination?

~ Clara

[Londongirl01]

OK, so I've text him and basically said if you put them online then I will call the police. No reply yet (and may not get one) but Im kind of thinking if he has already done it then I would never actually know.... They could be anywhere! :(

[Roby98]

OK, so I've text him and basically said if you put them online then I will call the police. No reply yet (and may not get one) but Im kind of thinking if he has already done it then I would never actually know.... They could be anywhere! :(

"Anyway, we previously made some intimate pics and vids and he has been showing loads of people"

From your first post I understand that he already has shown your intimate pictures to other people without your consent. He is not allowed to do this.

As I said, report him to the police without any remorse. He's a scumbag.

I'm older than you, please take my advice.

[ClaraWho]

OK, so I've text him and basically said if you put them online then I will call the police. No reply yet (and may not get one) but Im kind of thinking if he has already done it then I would never actually know.... They could be anywhere! :(

You are 14 - technically he is distributing child pornography, you should tell him that. Google for a news article were recently a kid was arrested and charged for doing so with his girlfriend. Alternatively if you search my posts for 'sexting' threads, I posted the link in one of them. Sorry I don't have time to find the links directly!

Also it is unlikely he'd do it without bragging to you that he had.

~ Clara

[hesaidhesaid]

Long story short- it's illegal. Threaten him with the law.

[rioo]

the worst thing is if the files get spread around school friends, it can get both of you in trouble also. Long time ago there is a girl in my school who expelled because of that 'hot files'.

[redrider12]

That's illegal. People have gone to prison for distributing illicit images. It's a serious offense.
This specifically falls into revenge porn. Which is also now a crime.
Morals aside, this guy is a terrible person. Having and trading pictures is fine in theory, but this is a key example of why it's not a good idea. Even if you had the utmost trust in him when you sent him whatever, look at him now.
Which doesn't help you now, I know. On to the point.

Basically, you have one option here. Which is to tell someone. Yeah, it's going to be hard. You're both under-aged, which means that simply by asking for help, you're confessing to production and distribution of child pornography. Which makes the decision harder. But here's the thing - I can see this going one of two ways. One ends in a little bit of trouble or a stern talking-to. The other could very well culminate with your dream job interview beginning with this question: "Why is this nude photo of you, from your teenage years, in my hands right now?" The Internet has a special way of ruining people.

1) you tell your parents, or ideally at this point either a school administrator or the local police department. They might look at you weird and you might get in a little bit of trouble. Which will pass. They see what he's said, and they have enough evidence to follow this kid and prevent him from doing any real damage. It's not easy to admit to these people that you did what you did, but if you really don't want to tell, keep reading to number 2.

2) you're afraid to tell anyone and you don't. You plea with this guy not to do what he's threatening to do, and the attention only encourages him. He leaks a few of your pictures. Those pictures are absolutely never coming down. You can delete them from a sharing site. But they will never be fully gone. Just because of him, your future could be gone. And it's no fault of your own - but you have the control to stop it or contain it now.

Please, please, please tell someone. Tell your school counselor, tell a police officer, tell anyone. Don't waste your time on him. Ignore him.

[ClaraWho]

I'd ignore the 'your future will be gone' and job interview overdramatic parts of the post above.

I just got visited by the police, because I sent an old friend I haven't spoken to in 3 1/2 yrs a Facebook friend request a month ago. They gave me a literal form of an FYI - just 'x person has made x allegation of 'harassment' but we aren't investigating, just so you are aware. I had to sign a form in front of my parents, who for once were understanding. I just need my brother to get back home...

My point is I did nothing wrong or out of the ordinary, yet police turned up at my house and spoke to my parents and I :/. It freaked me out and I'm still shaken! Imagine what it would do to him.

Still wishing you luck,

~ Shaken not stirred Clara

[Uniquemind]

I'd ignore the 'your future will be gone' and job interview overdramatic parts of the post above.

I just got visited by the police, because I sent an old friend I haven't spoken to in 3 1/2 yrs a Facebook friend request a month ago. They gave me a literal form of an FYI - just 'x person has made x allegation of 'harassment' but we aren't investigating, just so you are aware. I had to sign a form in front of my parents, who for once were understanding. I just need my brother to get back home...

My point is I did nothing wrong or out of the ordinary, yet police turned up at my house and spoke to my parents and I :/. It freaked me out and I'm still shaken! Imagine what it would do to him.

Still wishing you luck,

~ Shaken not stirred Clara

That's ridiculous!

Doesn't Facebook allow for declining of friend requests?

Why was this person so dramatic?

[redrider12]

I mean im not saying that the future stuff WILL happen.. Its a distinct possibility though when you talk about nude photos, especially underaged ones. Long story short, get help

[ZACK0]

Other people may e posting paragraphs but i have one thing to say GO TO THE POLICE, this is incredibly serious if he posts them THEY CANT BE REMOVED i mean it
no one can

[Andyyy95]

OK, so I've text him and basically said if you put them online then I will call the police. No reply yet (and may not get one) but Im kind of thinking if he has already done it then I would never actually know.... They could be anywhere! :(

Given that you're from the same city as I am, I'm sure you're aware of how serious the police would take this matter right?

You should go to them (police station), and tell them of the situation, before it all gets out of hand (seeing as we all know what social media is like these days...).

Best of luck,

[Zbmrnb16]

Even if he hasn't done it yet, if he DOES upload those pictures, there's no way to take them down. I suggest calling the police,, but just stay careful.

[Meron]

Shouldn't have posted nudes in the first place.

[ClaraWho]

Not sure why the mods deleted yet another of my posts without saying anything, hmm.

Shouldn't have posted nudes in the first place.


That's not a helpful comment and at no point did she say she 'posted' them anywhere.

~ Clara

[Uniquemind]

Shouldn't have posted nudes in the first place.

You are technically correct.

But given the amount of sexting that people between the age of 7-50, have done with significant others since the advent of technology and it's influence on dating, flirting, and relationship sociology, it's something that's here to stay and the law needs to catch up to technology.

End of story, so despite being correct there needs to be consequences for situations like these and it needs to be educated in our schools the same way anti-smoking, and anti-alcohol and anti-drunk driving campaigns are launched.

If that means a handful of teens have their lives ruined because they did this, those who posted crap like this Ex-boyfriend, need to be examples of by law and hopefully by touring the country/world to teach other kids in school assemblies why royally they messed up.

Employers look at the digital stuff nowadays, online pictures like that can prevent you from even getting a minimum wage job.

You really can't get this stuff offline or end it's influence on your life, it does tend to haunt you.

I mean look at Erin Andrews, and she did everything right and even won a multimillion dollar lawsuit!

[ClaraWho]

You are technically correct.

But given the amount of sexting that people between the age of 7-50, have done with significant others since the advent of technology and it's influence on dating, flirting, and relationship sociology, it's something that's here to stay and the law needs to catch up to technology.

End of story, so despite being correct there needs to be consequences for situations like these and it needs to be educated in our schools the same way anti-smoking, and anti-alcohol and anti-drunk driving campaigns are launched.

If that means a handful of teens have their lives ruined because they did this, those who posted crap like this Ex-boyfriend, need to be examples of by law and hopefully by touring the country/world to teach other kids in school assemblies why royally they messed up.

Employers look at the digital stuff nowadays, online pictures like that can prevent you from even getting a minimum wage job.

You really can't get this stuff offline or end it's influence on your life, it does tend to haunt you.

I mean look at Erin Andrews, and she did everything right and even won a multimillion dollar lawsuit!

If you both take the time to actually read what the original poster actually said, or my last post, you'd have realised that she didn't 'sext' him anything.

What in effect seems to have happened is more of a sex tape, made together during their intimate acts. The attraction to this is understandable, for a lot of people this is a turn on to watch back and enjoyable.

Was she wrong to make such material in what she perceived to be a trusting and loving relationship? No.

Can we please stop victim blaming here?

It's the same argument given for girls who get raped whilst wearing 'revealing' outfits, being blamed for wearing the outfit. No, no, no, NO.

It's not HER fault, HE did the wrong thing. That he is Breaking the Law. Regardless of how naive one could deem the action she took, that doesn't make her responsible for his wrong doing.

If she hadn't made the videos whilst having sex, and allowed them to be stored in his phone, he would not have had ammunition to use against her. True. But that's only an unfortunate hindsight because he did the Wrong thing. It's his fault.

---

Further as people have gone on to commit suicide over this, you may want to wise up and stop using terms such as 'your life will be ruined' and 'it'll be over and everyone will know'.

Let's look at the facts, circulated revenge porn is usually nameless to stop it being found and removed. Or it gets reposted by people who don't care enough to include the name. The only way employers and others would therefore find it is if they were browsing porn. A lot of porn. A much more difficult conversation to have in an interview, and due to the billions of pornographic videos online, extremely unlikely.

The alternative is he sends it to her family and friends. This would be worse for her short term, but she could also ruin his life back as in all these court cases the sentences have been appropriately harsh including civil suits to follow.

Maybe those reading this post would like to consider this the next time they go to watch said 'self-shot' vids, if the girl/guy involved intended for it to be public viewing, or whether you are indeed violating their privacy for your own cheap thrill (ignore if this doesn't apply to you).

I wish people would try to have some empathy and stop trying to sound dramatic for the sake of it. She made a mistake trusting him specifically, what all your dating choices have been brilliant ideas? She gets it. She doesn't deserve to blamed because he did the wrong thing.

Rant over.

~ Clara

[Cadanance00]

Let's stop trying to blame the victim here. People swap pix and vids all the time and in so doing trust the other person. It's the person who betrays the trust who is at fault. She didn't do anything wrong. I wouldn't want to be in his shoes if some prosecutor decides to bring charges of child porn.

[Body odah Man]

Okay, new member here and my first post.... I recently broke up with BF- no big deal for me (I broke it off) but he was really upset. That was couple of weeks ago. Anyway, we previously made some intimate pics and vids and he has been showing loads of people and is now saying he'll post them online. How can I stop this?!!!

This is called harrassment and is totally illegal. He can get arrested for that. Tell him that and he won't do it. This could destroy your life :(

[SethfromMI]

I would try to contact the police to see if they can help. but this is why I tell people to not take those types of photos and videos even to their bf/gf. you never know how it might come back to haunt them. I do hope everything gets worked out for you

[Uniquemind]

If you both take the time to actually read what the original poster actually said, or my last post, you'd have realised that she didn't 'sext' him anything.

What in effect seems to have happened is more of a sex tape, made together during their intimate acts. The attraction to this is understandable, for a lot of people this is a turn on to watch back and enjoyable.

Was she wrong to make such material in what she perceived to be a trusting and loving relationship? No.

Can we please stop victim blaming here?

It's the same argument given for girls who get raped whilst wearing 'revealing' outfits, being blamed for wearing the outfit. No, no, no, NO.

It's not HER fault, HE did the wrong thing. That he is Breaking the Law. Regardless of how naive one could deem the action she took, that doesn't make her responsible for his wrong doing.

If she hadn't made the videos whilst having sex, and allowed them to be stored in his phone, he would not have had ammunition to use against her. True. But that's only an unfortunate hindsight because he did the Wrong thing. It's his fault.

---

Further as people have gone on to commit suicide over this, you may want to wise up and stop using terms such as 'your life will be ruined' and 'it'll be over and everyone will know'.

Let's look at the facts, circulated revenge porn is usually nameless to stop it being found and removed. Or it gets reposted by people who don't care enough to include the name. The only way employers and others would therefore find it is if they were browsing porn. A lot of porn. A much more difficult conversation to have in an interview, and due to the billions of pornographic videos online, extremely unlikely.

The alternative is he sends it to her family and friends. This would be worse for her short term, but she could also ruin his life back as in all these court cases the sentences have been appropriately harsh including civil suits to follow.

Maybe those reading this post would like to consider this the next time they go to watch said 'self-shot' vids, if the girl/guy involved intended for it to be public viewing, or whether you are indeed violating their privacy for your own cheap thrill (ignore if this doesn't apply to you).

I wish people would try to have some empathy and stop trying to sound dramatic for the sake of it. She made a mistake trusting him specifically, what all your dating choices have been brilliant ideas? She gets it. She doesn't deserve to blamed because he did the wrong thing.

Rant over.

~ Clara

The tone of that post was harsh but it isn't victim blaming.

It's just speaking in stark realities and my general view is always against naïveté in all it's forms, it's a luxury we can no longer afford.

[ClaraWho]

The tone of that post was harsh but it isn't victim blaming.

It's just speaking in stark realities and my general view is always against naïveté in all it's forms, it's a luxury we can no longer afford.

'A luxury we can no longer afford' - as if human behaviour is new. It was and remains victim blaming, see my example.

If we maintain a level of distance in intimate relationships, if we put up defences and walls, mistrust before having reason to - then what kind of loving relationship is that?

Relationships are inherently fraught with risk, from conception to commitment. Commitment issues, attachment issues, an inability to allow yourself to be fully there with the other person - on the same page. That's what you get if you subscribe to a mindset of 'they might be out to get me'. At some point those walls HAVE to come down, but it's not like she only dated him for a month prior.

Obviously she knows now the kind of person he really is, but are you saying you have never misjudged someone?

Could she have taken preventative measures? Sure. I outlines some in my first reply. But a post that simply states 'you should have known better' wasn't helpful or justified. People reveal a different side often when they want revenge, a side that probably she couldn't have predicted. It wasn't a fair or helpful comment for that poster to make.

I think this discussion has run its course now,

~ Clara

[Uniquemind]

'A luxury we can no longer afford' - as if human behaviour is new. It was and remains victim blaming, see my example.

If we maintain a level of distance in intimate relationships, if we put up defences and walls, mistrust before having reason to - then what kind of loving relationship is that?

Relationships are inherently fraught with risk, from conception to commitment. Commitment issues, attachment issues, an inability to allow yourself to be fully there with the other person - on the same page. That's what you get if you subscribe to a mindset of 'they might be out to get me'. At some point those walls HAVE to come down, but it's not like she only dated him for a month prior.

Obviously she knows now the kind of person he really is, but are you saying you have never misjudged someone?

Could she have taken preventative measures? Sure. I outlines some in my first reply. But a post that simply states 'you should have known better' wasn't helpful or justified. People reveal a different side often when they want revenge, a side that probably she couldn't have predicted. It wasn't a fair or helpful comment for that poster to make.

I think this discussion has run its course now,

~ Clara

Yeah I disagree, and point out that if my statements or criticism are said in a factual 3rd person, they should not be taken offensively.

I also feel there is a good middle road between caution and building that trust, and generations past have done that without the digital sexing X rated material blackmail problem the last 13 years society has seen.

You can build those close trusting relationships, without having it be tied to this specific scenario.

Either way I'm more interested in an OP's response.

[ClaraWho]

Yeah I disagree, and point out that if my statements or criticism are said in a factual 3rd person, they should not be taken offensively.

I also feel there is a good middle road between caution and building that trust, and generations past have done that without the digital sexing X rated material blackmail problem the last 13 years society has seen.

You can build those close trusting relationships, without having it be tied to this specific scenario.

Either way I'm more interested in an OP's response.

I'd just point out that saying them in third person doesn't change anything, tbey're just as offensive, and they are only factual because you are making the comments in hindsight. If you'd said that and nothing had happened you'd be wrong. You also don't know anything about how she approached or was in the relationship, and are assuming she didn't arrive at a stage where trust was established prior to making images. You just jumped to conclusions.

But we should take this to messages if you have anything more to say, we're cluttering the thread!

~ Clara

[Xiao.Z]

You under age consent he keep child porn very illegal. Maybe contact authority tell them. He maybe go jail also become register sex offend. This very serious. Also never make pic like this. This difficult lesson you learn.

[Doro15]

Talk with his parents about what their son will to do and you will report him by the police.

[ashdyn]

Thank you for all the good advice :)
Not sure the police will really help and this will just flare up with my parents and thats not good :/
If the pics are loaded on to the internet is there a person I can contact who will remove them?

I saw that you texted him and he didn't respond yet...and you're right. If he already did post it then it's kinda out there forever. If you do see yourself on any sites and you contact them that it's you and that you're underage they'll remove it asap. I actually had a few pics make their way around tumblr and whenever I saw them I would just hit the report button. They never really went away I think but I feel like it somewhat limited the spread.

On your ex...what a little bitch. I don't see how this benefits him at all. The whole situation sucks. I'm not usually in favor of violence....but opening up a can of whoopass on guys like this usually straighten em out lol good luck with everything!

[ethan-s]

Text him a pic of some random dudes nutz. That will tick him off.

I probably broke a rule with this post lol....

[okonite]

You could actually ruin his life if you contact the proper authorities here in the United States. Those convicted, even for minor sexual crimes must register as convicted sex offenders for life.

[Flapjack]

Okay, new member here and my first post.... I recently broke up with BF- no big deal for me (I broke it off) but he was really upset. That was couple of weeks ago. Anyway, we previously made some intimate pics and vids and he has been showing loads of people and is now saying he'll post them online. How can I stop this?!!!

Report to the police- Highly illegal to do that in the UK.

[Drew Alex]

What a bastard. If either or both of you are under 18, he could go to jail for it. Tell him you'll report it to the authorities if he does. That should stop him in his tracks. Beyond that, everybody: never, ever, ever let somebody else take pics or vids while you're doing stuff. Never, ever. Got that?

[indoxyl]

This post is super old BUT
both of you could go to jail because you're both under 18. So I really don't think it's a good idea to tell the authorities.

[ClaraWho]

This post is super old BUT
both of you could go to jail because you're both under 18. So I really don't think it's a good idea to tell the authorities.

This is extremely poor advice, certainly in the UK. In order for any prosecution to go forward, it has to be considered 'in the public interest' by the Crown Prosecution Service, and no case will ever be brought against her in these circumstances. Nobody has ever been 'jailed' for sending pics within a consensual underage relationship, nor for having sex. There have been cases of individuals under 16 (the legal age of consent here), sending unsolicited explicit images of themselves to girls, or for posting them online. These types of behaviour are the sort that is punished by law, as it is deemed quite rightly as 'sexually aggressive and harassing'.

In these circumstances nobody would 'go to jail', but he may get into serious trouble such as having to sign as a sex offender that would show on a criminal record, or a stay at a Juvenile Detention Centre. The realistic outcome would be he would just have the life scared out of him so would delete the images.

Some people here need to really calm down...

Any update on the situation OP?

~ Clara

[Londongirl01]

Just as an update to this and a warning to anyone thinking of taking intimate pics with their BF/GF... please don't, I've learnt the hard way. Once photos are posted to a website its impossible- impossible- to have them completely removed from the web. Some sites remove them but not before they get shared on other sites. Just be careful folks

[ShineintheDark]

It's illegal for him to do so and he could get a really bad charge if he does. If you report, you may face a warning and a misdemeanor for making the pics and vids in the first place but he'll be the one whop ends up worse off for several counts of spreading it

[ShilaFit]

Text him a pic of some random dudes nutz. That will tick him off.

I probably broke a rule with this post lol....


Lol 100% agree

[NerdSquared]

Thank you for all the good advice :)
Not sure the police will really help and this will just flare up with my parents and thats not good :/
If the pics are loaded on to the internet is there a person I can contact who will remove them?

I don't know what it's like in England (I assume it's the same), but here in america that is a serious crime and he could go to jail for a long time, especially as you are a minor. The police are literally obligated to help. That is their job.