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View Full Version : Grieving over my mom.


Melodic
April 9th, 2016, 05:20 PM
This is something I just need to let out of my system but I'd appreciate any advice if you have it.


My mom unexpectedly passed away a couple months ago. I feel really depressed over it especially what happened beforehand.


Throughout my childhood, my mom was always there for me. She was your typical Pinterest type mom. She loved helping out with girl scouts, cooking, couponing and creating crafts. My parents split up when I was thirteen and my mom flipped into another person. (Yes, I've shared that a couple times but I didn't go in depth with it because I was threatened by her if I talked about it)

She was diagnosed with bipolar but she stopped taking her medication. She started having a bunch of druggies/alcoholics around. They spent their entire time smoking weed in the afternoon and drinking in the evenings. I was forced to be up in my room all day except to pick up groceries. Her excuse was "You're a teenager. You shouldn't even want to be around me" They started growing and selling marijuana in the basement and one of our roommates had a meth lab in theirs. I always felt like my life was at risk because of this. I felt so alone. Eventually, I was allowed around more often. It wasn't much better, honestly. There was loads of times cops were around because she had parties that went out of hand and there were a couple times I was investigated by CPS. She never worked and we ended up moving around a lot with roommates who were typically nuts. I barely had anything. We moved 5 times in the last 2 years. Eventually, I started cleaning the entire house everyday because my mom was working. I rarely hung out with friends because I didn't want to risk their lives and invite them over so I ended up losing them because I wasn't allowed to talk about it. My mom was really emotionally abusive and used to tell me all the time what I was doing wrong. She tried killing herself a couple times and blaming me for it. I know I made some mistakes. I was always angry at my mom and I did lose it a few times and ended up hurting her. I know what I did was wrong and I really hate myself for it. Eventually, I moved out completely and into my dads. I'm so grateful me and her had a good relationship for a few months until she passed.

I loved my mom. I mean, she was my mom. But I still have this feeling of resentment for her and myself. It's hard for me to talk about it to anyone because she passed away and I feel guilty talking about her this way now. I also have extreme trust issues because of this.

Anyways yeah. There's that. It's just been bothering me lately and I needed to let it out.

Silicate Wielder
April 9th, 2016, 05:58 PM
I'm sorry about your mom. I'm sure she cared about your well being if she didn't want you around her at first. And I suspect when she did start letting you be around her that it was only after she was sure she wouldn't lead you down the wrong path.

My mom has a friend who lives a very similar lifestyle, and tends to distance herself from her child. She does care about her child a lot and you can see that. but her child doesn't see it, because of how we all tend to take things personally as kids if it involves our parents. (Even if you're not consciously aware of it)

I also feel a resentment towards my dad, and I try not to think of it or him too much, afraid I may end up like him. It's a phobia I have that I am admitting to having for the first time right now.

I live by the motto "Be a better man than your father," something I pulled from watching a show called Fringe. The motto can also be applied to your mother so in your case it could be "Be a better person than you're mother." It means keep your people close and to take care of the people you care about.

Melodic
April 9th, 2016, 06:41 PM
I'm sorry about your mom. I'm sure she cared about your well being if she didn't want you around her at first. And I suspect when she did start letting you be around her that it was only after she was sure she wouldn't lead you down the wrong path.

My mom has a friend who lives a very similar lifestyle, and tends to distance herself from her child. She does care about her child a lot and you can see that. but her child doesn't see it, because of how we all tend to take things personally as kids if it involves our parents. (Even if you're not consciously aware of it)

I also feel a resentment towards my dad, and I try not to think of it or him too much, afraid I may end up like him. It's a phobia I have that I am admitting to having for the first time right now.

I live by the motto "Be a better man than your father," something I pulled from watching a show called Fringe. The motto can also be applied to your mother so in your case it could be "Be a better person than you're mother." It means keep your people close and to take care of the people you care about.

I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. It's hard resenting someone, especially when it's a parent.

My mom used her experience as a lesson. She always influenced me not to follow her life-choices. She was a really good mother as far as teaching me about life and showing compassion. She just did a lot of things that I disagreed with and made me scared. She wasn't a perfect parent but she wasn't a bad one either. Thank you for your advice. It really helped me view things differently.

Silicate Wielder
April 9th, 2016, 06:46 PM
I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. It's hard resenting someone, especially when it's a parent.

My mom used her experience as a lesson. She always influenced me not to follow her life-choices. She was a really good mother as far as teaching me about life and showing compassion. She just did a lot of things that I disagreed with and made me scared. She wasn't a perfect parent but she wasn't a bad one either. Thank you for your advice. It really helped me view things differently.

You're very welcome, I'm just glad that I could help.