Will I ever feel okay again

[mcdaniels]

Okay so my mam passed away from cancer in October and I don't know how to feel. I was very close with my mam but things never feel right anymore..

Like it may sound stupid I know but the other day my manager said that he might make me captain of my Gaelic team.. And he left then and I thought for a minute I can't wait to tell mam, without even realising she's still gone.. So I broke down crying for a good hour because I know that she would have cried when she heard the news of that because she was a real proud mother.

But it still doesn't feel normal.. Some days I feel like I'll come home and she'll be there. And this year is the most stressful year academically in Ireland because I'm in my final year which is called the leaving cert which ultimately decides your course in life.. But ever since she died I can't study at all or focus and I used to be a good student .

The question I'm asking is will I ever feel differently, like that I know she won't be at home or stuff like that

[Irishperson15]

I've lost three of my grandparents and, not belittling their deaths, but I am certain that losing a parent is much worse than that. I honestly am sorry. No words can ease your pain. But words can help inspire you to look to the future. Although your mum may not be here, you have your entire life ahead of you still. Use the values that your mum instilled in you to live life to the full and enjoy it, whilst also making life good for others also. As you said, she was a proud mum so I'm sure that whatever you do will make her proud. I also think exams are important to but please don't think they determine your final path in life. Yes, they can determine what university or course you can or cannot attend but is that all there is to life? There are many individuals who have setup successful business enterprises and made a good life and they may not have went to college or got the best degree. Although the Leaving Cert may be important to what you want to do, don't let its outcome deter your dreams if it is what you really want to do. If you believe, you can achieve.
Once again, I'm very sorry that you've lost your mother. But I'm sure she would want you to try and get on with things as best you can, even in school. Maybe it would help if you thought of how proud it would make her if you done well in school? But, reiterating, don't worry, it isn't everything.

I'm sure that you will eventually get used to the idea of her passing on (that doesn't mean to sound so blunt), but she will always be there in a sense. She will be there when you are getting ready for school, eating dinner, etc. It was the house she lived in also and most of your best memories are probably there so, in spirit, and in your memory, she will always be there. You will just eventually accept it. It gets easier over time as you adapt but you will never forget. She will always be there and is watching over you as you read this. Life is tough lad but we all have challenges. Unfortunately, some, like you, may have more difficult challenges than others. But don't let that hold you back. You are a human after all and although this will have obviously affected you, you can get through it. Stay strong lad.