sneaking around with my boyfriend

[princess09]

ugh okay its a long story.

basically, about a week ago me and my boyfriend of 8 months (robbie) broke up after he got drunk and got told a bunch of things by his/my friends that i had said to my girlfriends earlier on in our relationship. there was one thing, that i had told my best friends during a girly chat, where i agreed that if one of robbies best mates could be attractive if he didnt have acne, all us girls agreed to it. so jasmine, my best friend, had been flirting with robbie alot, shes the kind of girl who is jealous of our relationship because hers isnt that great. she had been flirting with robbie and i was starting to get jealous so i tried to talk to them both, but because theyve known eachother for 5 years but i only came along 2 years ago they both said that theyre best friends and it means nothing. me and jasmine had an argument over this because it didnt make me feel any better and then suddenly the night after i have robbie messaging me confronting me about all of these different things that only jasmine knew. all the boys of our group and jasmine had been bitching about me and telling robbie all of these different things, half of these things im not even aware of. so me and robbie had this big argument over it and broke up, we broke up for a week. but during that week, all of his mates have completely blanked me, jasmine has been getting way too involved and we have argued a few times, the entire week me and robbie had been talking, on and off but still getting on really well after we sorted things, his mates and mine have both been telling us not to go make to one another as we can find better blah blah blah, theyve been slagging me off to robbie and telling him that i took him away from his friends and that they dont like me. but i didnt take him away from his friends because i came to his friendship group especially so that didnt happen. only a few people know that we are talking, but be and robbie are actually back in a relationship because we sorted things and we couldnt be apart for that long as we both have strong feelings for eachother. we are best friends, i go to him for anything. but because his friends do not know and our families do not know that we are going back out or even talking apart from a few, i feel like we are sneaking around and when i get asked, i have to pretend that nothing is going on between us. ive also had my ex, kieran come to me recently, ever since me and robbie broke up and hes been trying to get my attention and has been flirting with me, me and robbie have agreed that we both need to act single so no one figures it out so im having to try and go along with kieran and let him talk to me the way he is. because all of our friends have told us not to go back, we dont want to tell anyone because we are not sure how they are going to react. and my mum doesnt know and niether does his mum. weve seen eachother a few times but i feel a bit guilty and like im lying to the people who im closest too. i want to be with robbie more than anything, we just dont know how to deal with sneaking around all of the time. we are on spring break at the moment tho. so we have just over a week now to see how it goes, we are going really well at the moment but i feel so, sneaky and like i cant message him or ring him or anything just in case his family sees his phone. i respect that he doesnt want them to know but at the same time i still really want to talk to him.
also, jasmine told me today when i went in for study sessions for my exams that she heard me and robbie got back together and saaid that her boyfriend told her, but me and robbie agreed we would only tell one person each and we both know who those people are that know, and so when i asked robbie if he had told jasmines boyfriend he said that he doesnt know and that he only told this other friend of his. so no i think jasmine is up to something again the same as how i think shes been twisting things to make it worse for me and making us stay apart and turning his friends against me.


sorry if this was really long and confusing i just need some advice. please just help

[ClaraWho]

If you're going to post something that length can you at least use good grammar and paragraph o..o good gosh woman.

Why are you sneaking around at all? What's the big secret?

Take this as a lesson on how 'bitching' behind people's backs comes around to bite you. All the comments you DID make, you can't really complain about getting spread around. They were quite nasty to make in the first place.

But back to your current problem (what goes around and all that), why do you both give a damn what others, friends, family, the mailman thinks?!

It seems you divulge way too much of your personal relationship onto others, you actively get them involved and that perpetuates the drama. Would you have any of this if you didn't make your issues public knowledge?

By the sound of it he tells his close friend Jasmine a lot about what is going on in his life, which makes sense if he is a friend of 5 years. But you can't really get mad at her for defending her friend against what she has been told about you. If he keeps complaining to her about how 'bad' you are, or what you've said or done, of course she's going to be hostile.

You both need to grow up. Blunt but fair. Tell everyone else you've worked it out, it'll be embarrassing but hey, you learn from your mistakes. From now on resolve your issues like adults between yourselves by TALKING. Don't tell friends. If your family can be trusted then tell them, but BE HONEST. If you are always complaining then why would they want you to stay together? Hence the whole 'you can do better'.

It's really interesting what others think though of a relationship when they THINK it has ended. You get to hear their real opinion, and sometimes they have a better perspective than you do. Can't see the wood for the trees cliché. Worth a think.

If friends keep asking about how your relationship is going, make it an 'out of bounds' topic, replies such as 'we're working things through' or 'yeah, we're going well'.

Basically what I'm saying is, don't air your dirty laundry in public if you don't want their opinion on it.

Good luck and let us know what happens please,

~ Clara

N.B. Having your own group of friends is really important too, see and maintain one.