Borderline Personality, Prom, Crush, Pain, Please help

[calicocait]

i know i've never posted, but i just googled "teen relationship advice" and other variants and came here... i really need advice and an honest interpretation.

Borderline Personality is in the title of this thread because i have BPD and i feel like my dilemma won't seem too big of a deal if i were a mentally well girl going through possible rejection.

the way my brain works is that, say you text a close friend and ask to hang out. they say "nah i'm busy, next week maybe?" i will automatically assume that they hate me, every second of all the years i may have spent being friends with this person was out of pity for me. i fixate on every awkward silence i've had, then fall farther into self-hatred and even consider suicide. just from a text. that's BPD, for me


i fell hard for my best guy friend a couple of months ago. he said he felt the same but wasn't ready for a relationship and was afraid because he's leaving state for college in June. regardless, i would go over his house and we'd always end up spooning and holding hands.

i actually agree that we shouldn't be in a real relationship because it would break my heart too bad when he left. but i still felt, for obvious reasons i think, that we both liked each other. it's almost like an unofficial relationship.


i never ever thought i would go to senior prom; i perceive myself as acomplete loser. but my best friend said she was gonna go with her guy friend (who is gay), and persuaded me to go.

at this point, i kind of thought it was obvious me and my best guy friend would go together. please don't think i'm reading into things but one times the subject of prom came up accidentally in between us (not of us going, but just a story from last year's prom) and there was this awkwardness. he tried to look into my eyes but i was too afraid to look back (didn't know if i wanted to go to prom at all). so i changed topics.

i texted him today and asked quite casually if we could go together. he texted back 'i'm not sure who i want to take to prom yet' :confused::confused::confused:

i just want to know what i should do now. i have no idea what that means and i could've sworn he liked me. i think 'tough love' advice would say 'it's just an excuse; he's hiding that he's saying no'.
but i honestly believed he liked me, and i don't see why he'd turn me down for someone else because, to be honest, we're literally best friends. i could only see him turning me down for someone else if it were someone he was pursuing something more serious with, but apparently he "doesn't want to be in a relationship now"

it could be that he's worried that would seal us up as boyfriend/girlfriend via giving me the wrong idea. it could be.

but i pretty much believe it's because i'm actually annoying, awkward, horrible to be around, boring, ugly, pushy...i made assumptions...close friends spoon all the time...maybe he does this with other girls...he's just using me...i've ruined our friendship. i'm worthless, i ruin everything i touch, i'm a f***ing loser, i should just give up, i should just off myself for once and for all, you're such a loser, what makes you think anyone could like your insane ugly-a**? kill yourself.

BPD problems.

so am i supposed to wait around for it to come up again, take it as a "no", wait a month and bring it up again, ignore him forever?

i'm sorry this is so long. i'm just in a lot of pain right now.

[SubEruanna]

well first off, you don't come across as any of those thing you said in the last big paragraph, second my money's on the " not wanting to be seen as a couple"

and what you should do depends on how close the prom is, if you're going to ask again make sure you do it in person, as it's so much harder to get what a guy's thinking from a text, body language makes things alot easier. definitly dont ignore him forever, you've got a great friendship if not relationship that you dont have to lay to waste.
id wait for it to come up again.

one thing that might've hapened is
"at this point, i kind of thought it was obvious me and my best guy friend would go together. please don't think i'm reading into things but one times the subject of prom came up accidentally in between us (not of us going, but just a story from last year's prom) and there was this awkwardness. he tried to look into my eyes but i was too afraid to look back (didn't know if i wanted to go to prom at all). so i changed topics."
he might've taken this as a no prom from you. when you brought it up again, as a result of the false "no" he mightve made plans with his guy friends or yes, gotten a date. now he wouldve had to change his thought plans and real ones (or wonder whether he should change them at all) and reply to you within a short space of time. the result being a vauge and not-very-well-thought-out text that he's not sure about anything.

hope that helps :)

[Tesserax]

i know i've never posted, but i just googled "teen relationship advice" and other variants and came here... i really need advice and an honest interpretation.

Borderline Personality is in the title of this thread because i have BPD and i feel like my dilemma won't seem too big of a deal if i were a mentally well girl going through possible rejection.

the way my brain works is that, say you text a close friend and ask to hang out. they say "nah i'm busy, next week maybe?" i will automatically assume that they hate me, every second of all the years i may have spent being friends with this person was out of pity for me. i fixate on every awkward silence i've had, then fall farther into self-hatred and even consider suicide. just from a text. that's BPD, for me


i fell hard for my best guy friend a couple of months ago. he said he felt the same but wasn't ready for a relationship and was afraid because he's leaving state for college in June. regardless, i would go over his house and we'd always end up spooning and holding hands.

i actually agree that we shouldn't be in a real relationship because it would break my heart too bad when he left. but i still felt, for obvious reasons i think, that we both liked each other. it's almost like an unofficial relationship.


i never ever thought i would go to senior prom; i perceive myself as acomplete loser. but my best friend said she was gonna go with her guy friend (who is gay), and persuaded me to go.

at this point, i kind of thought it was obvious me and my best guy friend would go together. please don't think i'm reading into things but one times the subject of prom came up accidentally in between us (not of us going, but just a story from last year's prom) and there was this awkwardness. he tried to look into my eyes but i was too afraid to look back (didn't know if i wanted to go to prom at all). so i changed topics.

i texted him today and asked quite casually if we could go together. he texted back 'i'm not sure who i want to take to prom yet' :confused::confused::confused:

i just want to know what i should do now. i have no idea what that means and i could've sworn he liked me. i think 'tough love' advice would say 'it's just an excuse; he's hiding that he's saying no'.
but i honestly believed he liked me, and i don't see why he'd turn me down for someone else because, to be honest, we're literally best friends. i could only see him turning me down for someone else if it were someone he was pursuing something more serious with, but apparently he "doesn't want to be in a relationship now"

it could be that he's worried that would seal us up as boyfriend/girlfriend via giving me the wrong idea. it could be.

but i pretty much believe it's because i'm actually annoying, awkward, horrible to be around, boring, ugly, pushy...i made assumptions...close friends spoon all the time...maybe he does this with other girls...he's just using me...i've ruined our friendship. i'm worthless, i ruin everything i touch, i'm a f***ing loser, i should just give up, i should just off myself for once and for all, you're such a loser, what makes you think anyone could like your insane ugly-a**? kill yourself.

BPD problems.

so am i supposed to wait around for it to come up again, take it as a "no", wait a month and bring it up again, ignore him forever?

i'm sorry this is so long. i'm just in a lot of pain right now.

Hey, I know how you feel. I know you've heard this before, but I've experienced similar problems, and I read into things a lot like that as well. I am, however, able to understand others' problems better than my own, which helps because it personally helps me to get over my own when I'm helping others.

Anyway, enough about me. Your friend has a good reason to say what he did, you just don't know it yet. Do you know if any other girls have asked him to prom? Maybe he isn't sure if he wants to go, and doesn't want to let you down. Perhaps he's already planned to go with another, or maybe he's waiting to see who is interested before he chooses one. Chances are though, he probably thinks that you have a crush on him or something, which is why you asked him, and it's probably because of that awkward silence, making him think that you basically shut down in that small period because your nerves to ask him caused you to stand there, and could only ask him over text.

That's the kind of overthinking people do in general, with the last possibility. Remember, he's overthinking things just as much as you, everybody does that. Try to hold on, and talk with him. It might be dangerous to test the waters, because I know how a rejection or something can trigger your mental state of mind and send you spiralling, but I think it might be important to communicate. If you would consider doing this, then you'd generally want to tell him how you feel, that you just want to go as friends, that you don't understand why he doesn't want to go with his best friend. But don't do it aggressively, do it passively or playfully. Ask him: "Why can't you just go with me? Do you have another lady "friend" you're planning on asking? ;)". Something along those lines. Don't tell him everything at once though, just tell him you need to know so that you can... sleep better at night knowing that it's nothing to do with you.

Even then, you might want to be careful, as opening yourself up can either be very rewarding, or very damaging, there's no in between. I personally know this, it leaves you vulnerable to the wrong people, though can be a good thing for bonding with the right ones.

Anyway, good luck. I wish you all the best and hope you have fun at prom. As always, may you have good luck in your ventures, and may you be guided for Eternity.

[Cadanance00]

You're to be highly commended for working on it. BPD that is. From what I've read it's a hard road, but worth it.

And yes, come here for support. You may not like what you hear, or agree with it, but you will get some good advice and encouragement also.