Just my life story, looking for advice

[paca]

Hi guys, thanks for taking the time to read this :)

Sooo - I'm 18. I've dropped out of my third consecutive uni major, I work part time in a restaurant. My life, or at least my career, is basically going nowhere right now. I don't know what I want to do, and I feel like a complete f****up because I know I have what it takes to do well. I was dux at school, just never been able to study or turn in assignments due to lack of motivation / laziness / procrastination / whatever else you want to call it. I've never been able to find any drive to do what needs to be done.

I play piano and I can compose pretty decent stuff, I'm a good writer, I'm interested in a lot of political issues. I fantasize about winding up with a career in these areas, but I'm too scared I guess of not being good enough that in the end I never really try. Actually that feels like my entire life - being good at everything but never committing to any of it. At the moment I'm supposed to be looking for jobs but I can't see any positions that will take me anywhere I want to be. Yeah I know, I have ridiculously unrealistic expectations, but I don't know how to accept an average career.

I guess I should mention that I have a girlfriend, we've been seeing each other for almost a year now, and I do love her (or at least I feel like I do when I'm around her). But then, I'm also obsessed with one of my closest female friends, who's going out with another friend, and she's admitted that she likes me too. So that whole situation winds up making me feel like shit.

Basically, I feel like a failure, and I have days where this absolutely overwhelms me and I just hate myself. I get frustrated and angry, and I've been at the point of self-harm a lot (yeah I know it's stupid) but always chicken out of doing anything serious, and then feel like I'm somehow pathetically failing at that as well.

I've been through some counselling over different issues, which has been more or less unhelpful (or at least, doesn't tackle my main problems), and it's not really an option for me now. I just wanted to write stuff down, and if anyone could give me some advice, I'd really appreciate it.

Cheers!

[runnerz]

I don't know about your girl problem. I've had too many problems of my own to try to give advice on it :P

What I do wanna mention is that you should google "mark cuban success and motivation scatterbrained and in college". The first result is from the blog of this guy, who is a billionaire who started from poverty. He basically says that it's alright to be unfocused when you're young. One of his catchphrases is that "You only have to be right once" then most of your past failures are just that. In the past. Once you find something that you like to do, run with it.

I feel like I'm in your shoes too. I've changed majors so many times. But I think I've finally found my way and I'm running with it. I used to be on the verge of self harm but I try to just hit a punching bag or run as hard as I can to blow off steam.

I think you'll find your way too, mate.

[ViolinPro]

Hey there!
I have similar things going on in my life, I understand what you are going through. I've had a mental crisis about a year ago that almost destroyed me, I did some pretty epic f***ed up stuff as well (much more so than what you are experiencing with your gf), worst of all I don't really regret it, just my personality.
I'm also going through a time when I really want to progress in my achievements and getting a really good career in music and I feel like everything is just going too slow.
I guess it comes down to one, only you can stop yourself from procrastinating, basically, even if you want to lay down and watch a movie, you have to literally pull yourself up and do what you know needs to be done.
And never lose hope :) don't reject average offers but keep on going to the top. )

[DarkHorse4eva]

you're not fucked up just because you don't know what you will. it's our school system nowadays, it put way to much pressure on the youth, that they have to know exactly what they want to do, or else they'll end up like shit. you got the rest of your life to figure what you want

[AlanPeanuts]

Though it may not be for you, maybe you should consider joining the military. It would give you a fresh start, and solve any financial problems, and give you some extra discipline and self-worth. Don't stress though, it'll work out. Unless you wanted to go medical school, all of your options are still on the table! :)