Am i going through a phase?? Help me!

[Canuckster]

Hi, so I am 16, almost 17 in a couple weeks. Let me start off by saying that I am just curious and at times i feel a little confused and scared. So, in fourth grade probably around 10 years old, I really liked this girl and I felt an attraction towards her. Not her body physically, but her. Then I left that school, and later in grade 7 I met this other girl and i really had a crush on her but this one was more physical. Like she had an attractive face and my eyes were always on her. I felt the same towards her in grade 8 as well. High school/grade 9 came, and she wasn't in my class so i wasn't seeing her as often, therefore less attracted to her. All of a sudden, now being in 11th grade, I've started to look at guys and feel an attraction not emotionally, but physically. Like if they have a nice face, I'm like wow, wish I had that and i stare sometimes when nobody else is looking and it really creeps me out because I don't know what i am. Is this a phase or something? I never walked in the hallways before and saw guys and stared at them for a long time.

Free-time, I have tried masturbating to a hot chick on google images and it just doesn't always work. The girl is definitely pleasing, and I start imagining myself "doing it" with her which then turns me on. When i look at a guy though, I find it easier sometimes to get an erection when they are good looking and fit and mainly because i wish i had a body like theirs because they'd get all the chicks and stuff.

Porn wise, it's very interesting because 99% of the time, I watch a guy having sex with a girl and it turns me on, but what turns me on a lot is how the guy has sex with the girl. I start picturing myself in his shoes and give myself that good looking body which turns me on, leading me to ejaculate. I also am turned on by girl sex sounds/moans as well as guy moans. I have watched gay porn but its not always pleasing to me and not because i am trying to force myself not to watch it, i just lose the erection. I have searched up good looking teen boys masturbating and sometimes i end up ejaculating to that and it kills me all the time because I don't know whats going on with me. Maybe hormones? This is really long, almost done...but I remember having dreams about the girl i liked in 7th and 8th grade and they were all sexual and dating related. I wanted to have sex with her, kiss her, etc. I haven't dreamed about a guy and thought about kissing him or having sex. AND, i notice that some boys easily look at a girl and say, "she's hot!" and i don't really have that feeling a lot. I am able to admit that she's good looking but I never say she's hot, unless she's a teen and so i feel more attracted I don't know. I also like stare at big butts when they are in tights so maybe this is a phase (???) A guy as well, when he's a teenager and fit, i sometimes admit that he's "hot". But i never say i wanna live life with him and have sex with him and all.

Ok not done yet, I also don't want anyone to take this as offensive or something. I have no problems with the gays or something but I know that i have always liked girls, I have always wanted a family with a girl. Basically, "traditional" marriage. I cannot see myself in bed with another man. I do with a girl though but not always because I haven't felt any attraction to any girls lately in my class or school. Guys, yes. I have got an erection only when thinking about whats beneath the clothing and how buff they are. Girls no so this is weird for me because I would like to kiss a girl and love a girl. Also, i know porn isn't the best way to determine your sexual orientation, but I just find it confusing for me because i seem to focus on the guys actions towards the girl more but at the same time, in gay porn, it turns me off. I like to think of a buff teen guy banging a hot chick and that attracts me. The penis isn't always pleasing, sometimes it is and i feel an erection when i think about a guys penis. Boobs don't always turn me on. Butts do make me stare here and there but i don't always feel an erection.

I want to know if lots of boys my age experience this and realize that its nothing. I know my friend who is the same age as me, best friend and all who told me a secret. He'd had this crush on this one specific boy and he'd had it for a long time. I know that i haven't had that sort of an attraction to a boy even if they were good looking. For example, I think Cameron Dallas is really good looking but i wouldn't imagine myself in bed with him because that just turns me off. I can't imagine making love with him either. When i imagine a hot blonde girl from school or something, I do imagine myself touching her and kissing her and all. Again, this started around summer school July 2015. I noticed that i felt attraction towards boys, mainly the body. It started to grow as September came and its still happening now. Also, in grade 8, I knew some guys who at the time, i never thought of as attractive, but now when i see them i get an erection because of how muscular they are. And the erection is me imagining them having sex with a girl which turns me on. Maybe my insecurities are getting in the way and i can't imagine myself with a girl.

Lastly, this other very close friend who is a girl, i have SORT OF felt an attraction towards her. Not because she's stunning and hot, but more emotional like I feel like I like her sometimes idek. When people talk bad about her, i am always quick to defend and yea i know that because she's a friend and all so that's normal but the feeling is different with her. I hate this so much wtf is this.

Any tips/info helps.

Please help me..

[SethfromMI]

If I am understanding you right, it sounds like a lot of it may be your just not very happy about your own looks and you wish you looked liked other guys in which are more appeasing? Even a straight guy can admit another guy looks good w/o even being attracted to them.

I mean, I would say based on what your telling me you might be at least bi curious. but, w/o getting into graphic detail, if you could be in bed with that good looking guy or be that good looking guy in bed with a girl, what would you choose? I think part of it might be you being curious, but other part is you wished you looked differently?

as far as it a phase or not, that's a lot harder to determine and really only time can tell . I would suggest regardless try to learn to be content with the way you look. we all can name people who are more attractive than us,but it is important to love ourselves for who we are.

[Canuckster]

If I am understanding you right, it sounds like a lot of it may be your just not very happy about your own looks and you wish you looked liked other guys in which are more appeasing? Even a straight guy can admit another guy looks good w/o even being attracted to them.

I mean, I would say based on what your telling me you might be at least bi curious. but, w/o getting into graphic detail, if you could be in bed with that good looking guy or be that good looking guy in bed with a girl, what would you choose? I think part of it might be you being curious, but other part is you wished you looked differently?

as far as it a phase or not, that's a lot harder to determine and really only time can tell . I would suggest regardless try to learn to be content with the way you look. we all can name people who are more attractive than us,but it is important to love ourselves for who we are.

It's not that I'm not happy with my looks. I'm not disgusting, but I do wish I looked a little bit better. Now to answer your question about bed and stuff, I would rather be in bed with a girl. That's what I feel right now. Maybe I'm overreacting idk.

[SethfromMI]

It's not that I'm not happy with my looks. I'm not disgusting, but I do wish I looked a little bit better. Now to answer your question about bed and stuff, I would rather be in bed with a girl. That's what I feel right now. Maybe I'm overreacting idk.

well I didn't say you were disgusting, but the fact you want to look better might be why you focus on other guys so much. it could be an overreaction. maybe you are beginning to discover new things about yourself. you will know in time

[ska8er]

Hi, so I am 16, almost 17 in a couple weeks. Let me start off by saying that I am just curious and at times i feel a little confused and scared. So, in fourth grade probably around 10 years old, I really liked this girl and I felt an attraction towards her. Not her body physically, but her. Then I left that school, and later in grade 7 I met this other girl and i really had a crush on her but this one was more physical. Like she had an attractive face and my eyes were always on her. I felt the same towards her in grade 8 as well. High school/grade 9 came, and she wasn't in my class so i wasn't seeing her as often, therefore less attracted to her. All of a sudden, now being in 11th grade, I've started to look at guys and feel an attraction not emotionally, but physically. Like if they have a nice face, I'm like wow, wish I had that and i stare sometimes when nobody else is looking and it really creeps me out because I don't know what i am. Is this a phase or something? I never walked in the hallways before and saw guys and stared at them for a long time.



Free-time, I have tried masturbating to a hot chick on google images and it just doesn't always work. The girl is definitely pleasing, and I start imagining myself "doing it" with her which then turns me on. When i look at a guy though, I find it easier sometimes to get an erection when they are good looking and fit and mainly because i wish i had a body like theirs because they'd get all the chicks and stuff.

Porn wise, it's very interesting because 99% of the time, I watch a guy having sex with a girl and it turns me on, but what turns me on a lot is how the guy has sex with the girl. I start picturing myself in his shoes and give myself that good looking body which turns me on, leading me to ejaculate. I also am turned on by girl sex sounds/moans as well as guy moans. I have watched gay porn but its not always pleasing to me and not because i am trying to force myself not to watch it, i just lose the erection. I have searched up good looking teen boys masturbating and sometimes i end up ejaculating to that and it kills me all the time because I don't know whats going on with me. Maybe hormones? This is really long, almost done...but I remember having dreams about the girl i liked in 7th and 8th grade and they were all sexual and dating related. I wanted to have sex with her, kiss her, etc. I haven't dreamed about a guy and thought about kissing him or having sex. AND, i notice that some boys easily look at a girl and say, "she's hot!" and i don't really have that feeling a lot. I am able to admit that she's good looking but I never say she's hot, unless she's a teen and so i feel more attracted I don't know. I also like stare at big butts when they are in tights so maybe this is a phase (???) A guy as well, when he's a teenager and fit, i sometimes admit that he's "hot". But i never say i wanna live life with him and have sex with him and all.

Please help me.

Bro ur story is almost like mine. I always blame it on
the ups and downs of hormones-ur not any different
than any of us in similar ways. Ur attracted now to guys
who u consider cute and maybe in a way ur attracted cause
u feel insecure bout urself-but don't feel that way and don't
give up on the girls. Wait til this puberty settles down I guess
and please don't get scared bout it. I don't know how to answer
u cause I kinda have the same probs.

[lliam]

in short: imo, you are just insecure.
my tip: give a damn to being gay/bi stuff and relax.


http://i.imgur.com/WVyIzKd.jpg?fb

[Hermes]

On the question of the porn, being able to imagine yourself as someone else is a basic human ability which helps us behave in ways that don't hurt other people. You're using that ability when watching porn to put yourself into the movie as the guy and that's what you're supposed to do.. That's what he's there for, so don't worry about that.

The other issue you are having, I think, is you have been drawn into the idea that straight guys are so focused on girls that they don't notice other guys at all or at least, if they do, it's to think how ugly those guys are for not being girls. Quite frankly, that's a load of nonsense. Both sexes are able to recognise attractiveness in either sex so guys can see other guys and realise the guy concerned is handsome, that he has fit body and they can imagine being him, just like you would do when watching porn. That's completely different from seeing a guy and thinking that you'd want to have sex with him or ask him to become your boyfriend.

It is also worth thinking about where the fear of being gay comes from. As far as I can see it is partly about the possibility of facing discrimination and party about the reaction of family and friends to you having a boyfriend rather than a girlfriend and, for your parents at least, the realisation they probably won't get grandchildren out of you. That is all tied up with relationships rather than sex. People's attraction to the two sexes can vary continuously from being exclusive attracted to one sex, though various degrees of being attracted to both, to being exclusively attracted to the other - see the Kinsey scale. As long as, in your case, your attraction to girls predominates such that your likely partner will be a girl then you need not fear being gay.

[ska8er]

I don't want to bring more attention to
any of this but I reread ur long post and then
I slept on it and frankly it gave me a hard on but
im not trying to b funny now cause I know u think
u have a prob but NO ur not gay-don't worry bout it.
There r far too many other things to worry bout- after
awhile things will fall into place-just hope-I hope.

[DoodleSnap]

Your story, and the confusion that you have sounds extremely similar to what I went through a couple of years ago.

I realised that I found some aspects of guys attractive, in a way that I almost wanted to be them. I wanted to have their body, and I liked to imagine them having a girlfriend. It was almost like an idolisation. But then, one day, I guess that I realised that this attraction was more than me just being a straight guy that wanted to be someone. I realised that I genuinely liked guys sexually, even though i had told myself that I want gay, because I was terrified of the stigma of that word, the connotations that it entailed. From there ensued my confusion. I went through a lot of pondering, and trying to work out who I was, but I was so often just left confused. It took some time, but as my attraction to different traits fluctuated, and I became more comfortable with different sexualities after researching them, I realised that I was bisexual. Now, I actually prefer guys, both romantically and sexually.
Now, I'm not saying that you will necessarily come to this conclusion, but what I am trying to say is that you shouldn't worry about what the labels mean right now. My theory is that a lot more people are bisexual than society is willing to admit, but don't like to use that term, either because they assume they are straight, or don't like the stigma of other labels. In fact, we can see that as time has gone on, and sex education has become more progressive, more and more people identify as something other than straight in anonymous polls. In the UK last year, 1 in 2 18-24 year olds said that they 'weren't straight' (Source) (https://yougov.co.uk/news/2015/08/16/half-young-not-heterosexual/).

Sorry if this is rambling on, but bear with me. I think that for a lot of people, sexuality is a spectrum, and that they often lie in the middle. Maybe you prefer girls, but like guys a little bit? That's okay. I know how confusing it can be at this time, when you are scared of who you might be, but my best advice is that you should not worry about the labelling process, and instead work out who you are with time and experience.

Anyway, sorry that this is so long. Good luck.

[pjones]

i'm 16 like the OP, and i haven't figured anything out tbh. does anyone?
so many thoughts went through my mind over the last 2 years i really wondered if i was crazy. for me i'm happy liking boys more than girls, but i do like both. i think it just takes time for all of us to figure it out, and this is a great place to ask questions and look for advice without being judged.

[hiker17]

i kind of feel the same way too. I'm attracted to girls physically and emotionally, but not always sexually. But then i'm attracted to shirtless guys too. I hate being shirtless myself because of my body so when I see someone with a normal body that girls would like I feel jealous. I consider myself straight, because my attraction to shirtless people doesn't make me want to be in a relationship or do sexual things with another man, the thought of it even grosses me out. I think you should just not worry about it as much.
I just thought you should know there are other people in a similar situation.