Torn apart

[jockeyboy97]

It has gotten to the point where I feel so stupid and confused.
I envy a lot of guys on VT that proudly say that they are Bi or Gay and seem happy. I feel that I'm Bi but then get my doubts and feel that I might be gay.
Yes I have dated girls and have done some sexual things with them even intercourse. I had no problem getting a boner and did enjoy myself, however I still want to be with a guy. I find myself checking guys out at school,work, the gym,stores. i fantasize about guys look at gay porn and think about being with certain guys I see at school, I enjoy looking at their bodies and features. I sometimes find myself staring at a hot dude and thinking how hot he looks. I don't have a boyfriend per say but I do have a best friend with who I have done sexual things with. It is not only pleasurable and exciting but something I desire and look forward to. I have experimented with a select few other guys that I know and have had a great experience. I always dream of someday getting married to a women and having a family. I see how happy my parents are and I think I want that life. I guess I feel that I'm afraid to admit to myself that I may be gay and that I'm covering up by saying I'm Bi. Yeah I will be going to college soon and I may find it more acceptable at college to deal with my sexuality. I'm more than sure my parents will accept my sexuality, because I think my Mom may have her suspicions. I can tell by the little comments that she makes. It could be my imagination or Mom's intuition. My parents are very open minded especially since they both have gay friends and some family members that are gay. My emotions go up and down and some days I think I made up my mind but then i change. I have been thinking about looking for free counseling or wait until I'm in college and then seek counseling. Sometimes I just want to talk to someone who has an open mind and is non judgmental. No I'm not ready to announce my sexuality to any friends or family members as of yet, until I'm certain and ready. I may never say anything because what ever my sexuality is it will be my business. I accept everyone's comments and thoughts and I hope I'm not the only one that is going through this period. I think to myself that I'm 18 years old and cannot figure out my sexuality. I'm like really! I see guys on VT as young as 13 say that they are gay and happy. Whatever my sexuality is I also want to be happy.

[Sports Boy]

I think you just described the dilemma for thousands of teenagers. I am also 18 and have thought I was gay, then believed that I was bi then didn't like guys sexually at all. But right now, I don't feel the need to nail down my sexual orientation. I just try to go with my feelings. I have a girlfriend who I love and the sex is great. But I'm pretty sure if a hot guy came along I could get interested.
So I guess my advice is to hold off on making a final determination on whether you're gay or bi until sometime down the road especially with college coming up where you'll have the chance to experience a lot more than you can now. At some point, the answer will become clear to you. And it actually sounds to me like you're getting close to knowing.

[Hudor]

Some free advice: don't compare. There's a lot going on behind the scenes and for all you know the 13 year old saying he's gay and proud might make a thread like this in future. Not saying all guys do that but everyone has different circumstances and such realizations can take a lot of time for some and none at all for others.
I find sexuality quite a confusing thing personally. Various factors can make you swing one way then another and again. There's nothing wrong with being an 18 year old and not having figured out your sexuality simply because you don't exactly have to. It's not a necessity, the label is just for your own contentment. I am mostly attracted to guys yet I have had crushes on girls and wouldn't mind dating one unless it involves getting sexual. In fact, if it's the right girl I might even get sexually involved with her. In other words, if I marry a girl and have a family, I'd probably lead a happy life(possibly low on sex but still happy family kinda thing). Yet I'd probably be as content being with a guy(probably more if the society wasn't so oppressively heteronormative here). Does that make me bi? Possibly.
Personally I consider myself mostly gay and if someone asks me I just tell them I'm gay simply because in future I wish to only be with a guy.

Bottom line is that you don't have to or are obligated in any way to define your sexuality. Don't overthink about who you are. You are human and have sexual and romantic needs. If it helps, you could identify as queer because whether you consider yourself bi or gay or anything else concerns no one apart from you.

[northy]

Sexuality is a spectrum, nobody is completely gay or completely straight. It is a dynamic, human emotion. That's why so many people like to disregard labels, you simply don't need them. Some people (like myself) like to have them because it makes me feel more comfortable with something that I hate. Don't tell people if you don't want to, it's none of their business to be completely honest. The most important thing is to only do things that you are happy with, so that you are happy. If you want to go out with that girl, why not? If you feel more partial to guys, so what? I know what you mean about wanting a wife and family. I get that feeling sometimes and don't think I will ever live with a man; I'd much rather live with 10 cats. Much easier to live with.