Older men keep asking me out

[Heathah]

So, I'm probably on the older side for this site; I'm 18 and a freshman in college. Throughout high school I've always had a problem with guys I don't like asking me out and having to awkwardly turn them down without being mean. However, since coming to college, I constantly have men asking me out who are around 23/24. It's so much more awkward because these are guys who are completely self-sufficient with steady jobs and their own apartments paying their way through college where I view myself as very dependent and still a teenage girl. I also find it weird that of all the 20-23 year old girls in my class, these men are choosing to ask me, the youngest person in the room, out. I've had a few friends think that these men are definitely being creepy by asking me out while others think that I should give them a chance and that the age gap is relatively small. I have a good amount of friends who are my age with 21 year old boyfriends which I don't think is weird, but the six year gap with these guys means I was 12 when they were my current age... It just weirds me out... Opinions?

[dbfordateam]

Yeah that is a big age gap, wait until sophomore year to date older men, that will close down the age gap.

[kylem1229]

Unfortunately, there really isnt that much you can do under your control. The only best way, is to avoid those types of men, which is a hard task, as it can be uncontrollable. The only thing you really can to is saying that you are not interested, sit away from them, or avoid them to the best of your ability.

[SethfromMI]

Yeah that is a big age gap, wait until sophomore year to date older men, that will close down the age gap.

so at 18 no, but 19 yes?

[dbfordateam]

so at 18 no, but 19 yes?

The age gap would close two years because she is one year older and the seniors are one year younger.

[SethfromMI]

The age gap would close two years because she is one year older and the seniors are one year younger.

I think maturity plays more of a role at that point than simply one year. if she is a year older, they will also be another year older

[EricParker]

Maybe, they think young girls are cute.

[alexgirl01]

older guys are often more mature. 18-23 is not that much of a gap

[Uniquemind]

So, I'm probably on the older side for this site; I'm 18 and a freshman in college. Throughout high school I've always had a problem with guys I don't like asking me out and having to awkwardly turn them down without being mean. However, since coming to college, I constantly have men asking me out who are around 23/24. It's so much more awkward because these are guys who are completely self-sufficient with steady jobs and their own apartments paying their way through college where I view myself as very dependent and still a teenage girl. I also find it weird that of all the 20-23 year old girls in my class, these men are choosing to ask me, the youngest person in the room, out. I've had a few friends think that these men are definitely being creepy by asking me out while others think that I should give them a chance and that the age gap is relatively small. I have a good amount of friends who are my age with 21 year old boyfriends which I don't think is weird, but the six year gap with these guys means I was 12 when they were my current age... It just weirds me out... Opinions?

I see both perspectives in this, and I don't see the harm in a first date without sex.

The age gap is concerning, but I do have older friends both male and female who are where they are in life academically and professionally because 2008 recession really slowed down their life progress in school and in their college majors or even careers.

Just judge a person by their actions and how they treat you, not based on other superficial details which don't yield that much information to you about the real them.

By all means though, if you have no interest in them decline them.

And if you are really attractive, get used to guys asking and checking you out, it happens and shows no signs of stopping for us.

You have to just shrug it off, it's life.

[Cadanance00]

I guess if you're in college they consider you fair game.

[ClaraWho]

I see both perspectives in this, and I don't see the harm in a first date without sex.

The age gap is concerning, but I do have older friends both male and female who are where they are in life academically and professionally because 2008 recession really slowed down their life progress in school and in their college majors or even careers.

Just judge a person by their actions and how they treat you, not based on other superficial details which don't yield that much information to you about the real them.

By all means though, if you have no interest in them decline them.

And if you are really attractive, get used to guys asking and checking you out, it happens and shows no signs of stopping for us.

You have to just shrug it off, it's life.

This.

I suppose it really depends on how they are acting. If they are being lecherous and are clearly after one thing, or have a history of going from girl to girl, then stay away. If they just happen to be in the same environment as you, such as for the reasons above, then I don't think it's that big an age gap.

If you are really immature though then that would be a bit odd, but if you're fun and funny that could compensate. I know a 24 yr old guy who I think would make a great catch for my single 19/20 yr old friends if he ever fancied one of them.

So ultimately judge based on how they act, rather than making assumptions about their intent and reasoning, but unfortunately like UniqueMind said - it's gonna happen if you are attractive.

~ Clara

[Uniquemind]

This.

I suppose it really depends on how they are acting. If they are being lecherous and are clearly after one thing, or have a history of going from girl to girl, then stay away. If they just happen to be in the same environment as you, such as for the reasons above, then I don't think it's that big an age gap.

If you are really immature though then that would be a bit odd, but if you're fun and funny that could compensate. I know a 24 yr old guy who I think would make a great catch for my single 19/20 yr old friends if he ever fancied one of them.

So ultimately judge based on how they act, rather than making assumptions about their intent and reasoning, but unfortunately like UniqueMind said - it's gonna happen if you are attractive.

~ Clara

Adding to that, I think it's more prudent to actually have filters or like baby steps that don't outright give a cold shoulder, but then also give you time to assess suitors.

In some ways I think the olden days of high-class dating minus the lack-of male dominance in society, would do wonders to help dating and relationships along.

There's something very emotionally extreme in how society in the developed world seems mix in drama with romantic-socialization and the-like.

Certainly it's YOLO culture's fault which is driven by media both online and off compounded by human nature's vices.


Let me also remind you all that I'm dating older within the context of a long distance relationship, but that just works for me and the distance helps me from feeling smothered, and more independent.

When it comes to older friends, it's always nice to have confidants in those a stage ahead of where you are in life too, and it's yielded many good volunteer opportunities as well as references for scholarships I'll be avidly pursuing within the next two years.

Everyone's different though, the point being whether it's appropriate to adopt societies personal morals and rules into your own rules of what works for you or makes you feel like you're in a good space or bad space.

Because it really is a grey area, and not everyone's a boogeyman, creeper, or criminal. Those extremes exist, but real growth lies in assessing safety and practicality of those extremes and where they place on a spectrum.