So I need to squash my crush and urges...

[eyecountant]

Hi I'm 18, a freshman in college. And get ready it's long I'm sorry but not completely sorry.

I grew up in a private, Christian school setting which honestly was hella boring as I give no craps at all about religion and hated most of my classmates. And now I'm at a Christian university where I have struggled to make friends with people that I actually feel comfortable around. Oh and I'm also into guys and extremely afraid to show it.

And then Jay came along. I met him in one of my classes this semester and got the chance to hang out with him because my one friend (a senior in her last semester and the ONLY person here that knows I'm gay af) is in a club with him. She obviously knew right away I liked him and would drag me to their club stuff to try and get me to talk to him but I was too shy. Luckily, he talked to me.

Fast forward and now I have his # and we text and I hang out with him and stuff. He's convinced me to join the club that him and my one friend are in next semester. He's THE chillest guy I've ever met. He's also hella smart 4.0 GPA, tutors for like 6 different classes, on pace to graduate with a Master's in accounting a year early. He's freakin' awesome.

But oh my lord I want to f*** him. I want to bend him over and f*** him. He's not only got a rather sexy butt, body, and all that but he's just super handsome in general. His voice is soothing and his smile and laugh make me smile and laugh. I want him. But I don't know if he's into guys or not. I can't tell.

Below is like a list of things that have me debating whether he's into the D or not. Help me out?

+He's clearly not homophobic. I've heard him say that gay marriage should have "always been a thing". We watched the Troye Sivan "Wild" music video and when we got to the part with the two boys under the sheet he called it "adorable".
+He's very very touchy with his roommate/best friend (who I feel is straight). He hugs him a lot, grabs his butt, and just seems to always be touching him (although almost never really suggestively, just arm around shoulder, elbow resting on him, etc.)
+He's gotten progressively touchier with me. He now hugs me when he sees me, he'll put his arm around my shoulder if we're sitting down sometimes (like he does with his roommate)
+He has said I have a nice butt, that I'm good-looking, and straight up said I look sexy one time when I had to dress up.
+My friend (the one that knows I'm gay) thinks he's bi.

-There is a guy that kinda hits on him and he seems rather annoyed by it. IDK if that means anything though.
-When he talks about the possibility of having a family, it's always "my WIFE".
-He's clearly crushing on a girl on our volleyball team. Like he seems like he's about to ask her out.

I'm tempted to just ask his roommate, who I am almost certain would know. But I feel like it would out me. What should I do? Should I ask him???

[thegreatgatz]

You could talk to him, in fact I'd recommend not asking his roommate at all, because that would end up badly. I recommend easing him into the conversation so that he's comfortable with it. I lot of guys are actually curious about their sexuality, and I recommend trying the limits in a very respectful way. For example, you could ask him if he's ever done anything with a guy, and tell him that its just you two as "bros" and you won't tell anyone. Pinky swear if you must.

Make sure you remain friends in the end. A friend isn't ultimately worth loosing over something as silly as being a horn-dog over them

[Living For Love]

I think he's straight. Just because he's a gay marriage supporter doesn't mean he's gay, in fact, that's a common stereotype used to find out whether someone is homosexual or not. All the body touching stuff and flirty comments are also quite common among straight but very close friends. Honestly, though, I think he might feel a bit weirded out if you were to ask him if he ever done anything with guys. If you want to find out his sexuality by asking him, you should be direct, simple as that, and ask him about his sexuality.

If he's straight, you should make sure you remain friends with him, like the poster above said, because he does seem a genuine friend to you.

[eyecountant]

Yeah after thinking about it, I'm definitely not gonna ask his roommate. I'm pretty sure he knows for sure but you're right...if I'm gonna ask about that, I need to ask him.

I'm on here because I just saw him eating breakfast with the volleyball team (next to the girl I mentioned). He waved me over to sit with them. He is truly hilarious, had all those girls cracking up.

We left together and he went up to my room with me. I went to breakfast in pajamas so I needed to change. We have a 9:00 class together so he was talking to me about an upcoming quiz. I got out of my pajamas and was in my underwear. Looking at his eyes, I noticed that as he was talking to me he was like straight up evaluating my body. His eyes were all over the place. I kinda stayed in my underwear to see if he'd keep looking. Eventually, his eyes rested on my crotch (unless he was looking at the floor around me lol). It looked like he bit his lip a little bit as he looked back into my eyes.

BUT then before he left, I asked what he was doing this evening and he said he was studying with another friend and the volleyball girl for some accounting class. I made a comment about how I see him with her a lot and he was like "Yea IDK if she likes me or not I wish she would be more obvious." He sighed a bit and said he needed to go to the academic center before our class. IDK if the sigh was because of the girl or because he had to go tutor lol.

I'm also now pretty concerned that he may suspect I'm gay. Yesterday, he made a comment when I was with my senior girl friend about how she's trying to flirt with me even though she's "out of my league" (it was a joke she's very pretty). But then my friend said "Oh no he's not into players like me anyways." She laughed and I'm sure I looked f***ing horrified and I know I was blushing like crazy but I nervous-laughed. Jay didn't laugh, just looked at me with his brow raised a bit and then finally smiled and said something else.

Ugh I want to know if he's into guys or not but it's just sooo hard to tell how someone will actually react to stuff like that. I don't THINK he'd be weirded out by me asking as Living for Love said but s*** what if he is? Then I'll lose him.

[Living For Love]

Oh, you could have told him something like "What are you looking at?" :D Maybe he hadn't seen you in underwear before, I don't know, so he was just satisfying his curiosity. It's still not enough to say he's gay, in my opinion. I mean, he might be curious, but who wouldn't look at a guy in his underwear standing right in front of them? Also, I wouldn't worry if he found out you were gay, you already said he's a gay marriage supporter, so I don't think it would be a problem.

When I said he could be weird out if you asked him if he had already experimented with another guy it's because that kind of questions generally don't have any context behind. Imagine if you two were alone sitting down somewhere, talking about something, he with his arm around your shoulders or whatever, and then you suddenly say "Hey, so, have you ever, you know, messed around with a guy and stuff?" Wouldn't it be normal for him to be taken aback after being asked such thing? You would need to ask that question in a certain context to avoid any awkwardness, but that's generally not easy to do, because many people do not feel comfortable talking about that. If you think you guys are close enough to have that kind of conversation, then okay, go ahead at your own risk, but if not, then I don't think you should do it that way. Plus, you said you only met him this semestre, so that only backs up my theory.

[eyecountant]

So this squashing my crush thing...much harder than I thought

A couple of days ago a friend (or now ex-friend) really really pissed me off and my first thought was to go to Jay's room. He let me in and I vented and ranted and he and his roommate listened.

Then, we sat on the sofa while his roommate played Fallout. Jay had put his arm around my shoulder, and I kinda cuddled him a bit (started doing this), and was talking to his roommate. Guys...I was sooo comfortable. And he made me feel so loved. And so I...kissed him on the neck. Just out of nowhere. He stopped talking to his roommate and I knew they were like "Whoa" but I couldn't stop myself:oops:

But he didn't stop me, pull away, tense up, or anything. He just let me do it. After I pulled away, he smiled, looked me right in the eye, and smiled even more. And omg guys those EYES...I almost kissed him on the lips. He pulled me in closer and tighter towards him and continued his convo like nothing happened.

What should I make of this???

Also, a funny story that I'm probably thinking too much about. Him and his roommate go to this fried chicken place all the time and I always wondered why they loved it there. I finally went with them Thursday. Apparently, there is a gay guy there that finds them both attractive and gives them extra chicken strips and fries lol. He did the same for me and winked when he gave me my order. His roommate said that he always gives Jay the most because "he knows which one he actually has a chance with" and then nudged Jay. They both laughed and Jay said if he was going to date a girl, he'll just ask the volleyball girl out (Note the worker guy is one of those feminine-type gays). Then they talked about her and their experiences with the volleyball team (especially his roommate who has struggled with them lmao)

Was that a joke or was that them kinda acknowledging that Jay may be into guys??? Or am I overthinking and being too hopeful? I swear they say so much stuff like that and I'm like "Dammit are you into it or nah???!":mad:

[Living For Love]

That kind of guy jokes generally mean nothing, in my opinion. At this point, I think you should just be straightforward and tell him how you feel, I think you two have a good enough friendship and he seems to deserve your honesty.