Is this girl just trying to be friendly, or what?

[Yourboytroy]

Hello everyone! I have been lurking these forums for quite awhile now, decided to sign up because I am extremely confused on what is going on at school, and what this girl is trying to do.

Note to the moderators/admins: I am sorry if this was the wrong section, I did not know whether to post this here, or puberty 101, if need be you guys can lock it and I will post it in Puberty 101. I am also sorry if it a little suggestive.

Anyways, so I am a junior in High School, and I decided to take a cooking class, now in this class I sit with a girl, we will call her "Jane". Now, I have known Jane since about 8th grade, just friends really, don't talk to her much at all.

Now I sit at a table with Jane, and another girl and we all get along fine, now what is weird about Jane is that she will discuss sex around me ALL the time. She talks about how she kisses guys everyday, has sex with them, etc. Now I personally believe she is lying as some of her "stories" are rather unrealistic.

What bothers me is when during class she will turn toward me and say things like: "I bet you would screw me huh?", "Do I turn you on?" "Are you turned on by me?" This was rather surprising as I don't really say much to her, so I am confused if she is just trying to be funny or flirtatious or something. Also when she stands up she will pat my back, brush my head, touch my arm, etc. Another thing she occasionally does is flash her bra toward me in class, and she laughs about it (which makes me think she is just joking around, but again I am not sure). Also, she constantly demeans herself, she says things like "I am such a hoe", another REALLY weird thing she did is that she asked me to call her "Bitch", that was probably the one thing that made me feel pretty uncomfortable, as I don't really enjoy calling someone a bitch. This has been going on for about a week, and I am extremely confused on what I should do.

So does anyone have any advice? I am really confused on what this girl is trying to get at, whether she just has that type of personality, or she actually likes me or what. I am not against her doing these things(as I presume most guys wouldn't be) but I am just trying to figure out what she wants out of this.


Thanks V.T!
-Blake

[Sailor Mars]

Friendly? More like a horny teenager trying to get some. I would try talking to her about it if it makes you uncomfortable, and I definitely would not do anything sexual with her

[Yourboytroy]

Friendly? More like a horny teenager trying to get some. I would try talking to her about it if it makes you uncomfortable, and I definitely would not do anything sexual with her

Oh don't worry, I don't think I would really do anything sexual, and if that somehow did happen, safe sex would definitely be a 1# priority.


I feel like she is a bit self concious or something because she constantly demeans herself as a "slut", "Whore", etc.

[Sublime Demonz]

Friendly isn't exactly the word I would use to describe this girl's behavior. To be honest, it's a little creepy. Now, if you were very good friends, it wouldn't seem so creepy because sometimes that's just how best friends talk to each other, but clearly that isn't the case. If it really makes you uncomfortable, tell her that. She needs to know that people have boundaries, especially ones she doesn't know well.

[Yourboytroy]

Friendly isn't exactly the word I would use to describe this girl's behavior. To be honest, it's a little creepy. Now, if you were very good friends, it wouldn't seem so creepy because sometimes that's just how best friends talk to each other, but clearly that isn't the case. If it really makes you uncomfortable, tell her that. She needs to know that people have boundaries, especially ones she doesn't know well.

None of it really makes me too uncomfortable except the her wanting me to call her a 'bitch' part. Which I am just going to keep calling her by her name. She has said much more than I put in the post, but I would like to try and keep it as clean as possible.

[lliam]

I once had the misfortune to met a girl with similar attitudes.

Like you I didn't believe half what she told to me. I guessed she simply was that type girl, who's extremely provoking or testing out guys or such.

It helped to confront her directly with my opinion about her. Even she behaved insulted for a while, working with her then leveled down to an acceptable grade.

[Uniquemind]

She's definitely testing the waters, and I get the feeling she's following or taking too seriously bad advice on how to be aggressively flirtatious from shady websites and magazines.

She also might have a penance for liking a guy to demean her playfully, like it might be a turn-on for her. Or it could mean she's just trying to get under you're skin, and is enjoying you're reaction of being coy.

The "cool" response would be to play along, but then at a certain point draw a line of what is to far for you and communicate that to her clearly.

If you do want to get with her, there will come a time where you probably need to take her aside privately and ask if she's pursuing you for just a fling or if it's for more of a relationship.

If you want this to fizzle out though, I'd recommend just staying withdrawn and non-reactive to her advances.

---

But I have to ask you now, what do YOU want?

[Thunderstorm]

Sounds to me like she is grasping for attention. "You probably want to screw me eh". Sounds like an ego problem. Give her that attention and you will fuel her ego.

[Uniquemind]

Sounds to me like she is grasping for attention. "You probably want to screw me eh". Sounds like an ego problem. Give her that attention and you will fuel her ego.

There's truth to that too.

But the OP is missing 2 things for us to help give him advice.

1. He hasn't communicated what he wants out of this situation.

2. We can't hear HOW or see the body language of the girl. Without that it's almost impossible to figure out if she's being innocently-playful or if she's being devious and potentially has an ego problem.

[PinkFloyd]

Does she touch you ever? I'm not taking like hand down your pants or anything sexual for that matter, just her being a little more touchy feely than normal. it would be on your shoulders or in your hair or really anywhere else. Anyways, if she does that while coming onto you verbally, she definitely has a huge crush on you or wants you physically. What she's doing is trying to get your attention. Odds are she's a horny teenager like every other teenager (okay, not every) and wants to get in your pants. If it makes you uncomfortably, you should talk to her about it and be honest.

[Uniquemind]

Does she touch you ever? I'm not taking like hand down your pants or anything sexual for that matter, just her being a little more touchy feely than normal. it would be on your shoulders or in your hair or really anywhere else. Anyways, if she does that while coming onto you verbally, she definitely has a huge crush on you or wants you physically. What she's doing is trying to get your attention. Odds are she's a horny teenager like every other teenager (okay, not every) and wants to get in your pants. If it makes you uncomfortably, you should talk to her about it and be honest.

If you read the OP, he details that she clearly touches him casually in her style of flirting. You obviously skim-read.

[West Coast Sheriff]

It seems like she could be joking but, it's an odd way to joke. I think if she actually does those things it is because she wants to feel special to a guy even if she knows she's not. Embracing it is her way of not feeling embarrassed by her actions. It does seem like she might be leading you on for sex. Be careful and tell her the importance of prudence and respecting herself. Tell her she doesn't need promiscuity to feel important because, she already is. That's just my understanding which, I'm open to criticisms.

[Tesserax]

I'm going to take a different stance and tell you to get to know her. Chances are, her parents aren't the best and she's had to adapt by seeking attention (it's not her fault, it's automatic) from guys in this way.

I wouldn't take advantage of her, but the goal is to become her boyfriend (if you can), and help her grow as a person. She seems troubled in my opinion, and I'm not going to get into the psychology of it, but you have to help this girl learn to respect herself and feel good about herself without having to seek sexual activity or act promiscuously.

If you can do this, and strong a strong emotional bond with her, then you will have a very strong and healthy relationship. As I tell everybody, the emotional connection is more important than the physical connection.

Tell her you won't call her a bitch because she isn't, and tell her the good things such as: She's nice, she's friendly, she's creative, smart, pretty, beautiful (don't use hot, hot describes sexual attractiveness and not actual beauty), and whatever you can think of about her. Compliment her even though that's what she wants, but give her compliments that she isn't fishing for. Give her a whale when she asks for a shark.

I know the analogy might be weird, but you should understand the point. You can shift her out of this rather negative and desperate mindset by helping her learn (through action) that she deserves more, and doesn't need to act as she does

[Uniquemind]

It seems like she could be joking but, it's an odd way to joke. I think if she actually does those things it is because she wants to feel special to a guy even if she knows she's not. Embracing it is her way of not feeling embarrassed by her actions. It does seem like she might be leading you on for sex. Be careful and tell her the importance of prudence and respecting herself. Tell her she doesn't need promiscuity to feel important because, she already is. That's just my understanding which, I'm open to criticisms.

I'm going to take a different stance and tell you to get to know her. Chances are, her parents aren't the best and she's had to adapt by seeking attention (it's not her fault, it's automatic) from guys in this way.

I wouldn't take advantage of her, but the goal is to become her boyfriend (if you can), and help her grow as a person. She seems troubled in my opinion, and I'm not going to get into the psychology of it, but you have to help this girl learn to respect herself and feel good about herself without having to seek sexual activity or act promiscuously.

If you can do this, and strong a strong emotional bond with her, then you will have a very strong and healthy relationship. As I tell everybody, the emotional connection is more important than the physical connection.

Tell her you won't call her a bitch because she isn't, and tell her the good things such as: She's nice, she's friendly, she's creative, smart, pretty, beautiful (don't use hot, hot describes sexual attractiveness and not actual beauty), and whatever you can think of about her. Compliment her even though that's what she wants, but give her compliments that she isn't fishing for. Give her a whale when she asks for a shark.

I know the analogy might be weird, but you should understand the point. You can shift her out of this rather negative and desperate mindset by helping her learn (through action) that she deserves more, and doesn't need to act as she does


I see where both of you are going with this and want to also add that if you go down that path, you can come across as presumptuous in the sense that you're trying to tell a girl what they want, like they don't know themselves and their wants.

So be careful of that.

That's why I recommended either going with the flow in a playful way, and discretely shifting control, or outright cold shouldering her.

[PinkFloyd]

If you read the OP, he details that she clearly touches him casually in her style of flirting. You obviously skim-read.

You're right, Sorry for not having much of anything good to post. I was tired from life in general and I know a guy who's going through nearly the same thing as the original poster, so I let that thought take over... My bad :/

[Uniquemind]

You're right, Sorry for not having much of anything good to post. I was tired from life in general and I know a guy who's going through nearly the same thing as the original poster, so I let that thought take over... My bad :/

No problem. The OP doesn't seem like they want to keep us updated anyway.

Maybe we were trolled.

[PinkFloyd]

No problem. The OP doesn't seem like they want to keep us updated anyway.

Maybe we were trolled.

I'll admit that in my early days here, I posted some major fake crap to P101 just to get attention.

[Yourboytroy]

I'll admit that in my early days here, I posted some major fake crap to P101 just to get attention.
Sorry I have not been keeping you updated, she has continued to do these sort of things, and no, she has not ever really touched any of my "sensitive" areas besides my thigh for like a split second, she also tends to stare me down a lot so yeah. I only see her every other day for about 45 minutes.

EDIT: Actually I do remember she asked me to get a piece of "hair" off her butt, which I did, and then she laughed and told me "I didn't think you would actually do it, ahaha"

I told her I wouldn't call her a 'bitch' and she seemed okay with that, I still play along with her antics (who wouldn't?). I also began to talk to her about her interests and what not, and it turns out her parents are crazy, she can't text people because her parents put a lock on her phone and they can see everything she does, which sucks because I really do want to get to know her because she seems really nice and interesting, and I am also thinking I might actually ask her out to go to starbucks or something (I am extremely nervous by the way, again I have never really done anything at all with girls.)

I will try and keep you guys updated, will post every other day or so as things happen.

Thanks for your guys support and advice, will keep listening and valueing your guys opinions.

EDIT #2: Do you think it is a little weird to ask her out for coffee or something when she only has been doing this since about the 15th? Should I wait longer or what? I am really confused.

[PinkFloyd]

Sorry I have not been keeping you updated, she has continued to do these sort of things, and no, she has not ever really touched any of my "sensitive" areas besides my thigh for like a split second, she also tends to stare me down a lot so yeah. I only see her every other day for about 45 minutes.

EDIT: Actually I do remember she asked me to get a piece of "hair" off her butt, which I did, and then she laughed and told me "I didn't think you would actually do it, ahaha"

I told her I wouldn't call her a 'bitch' and she seemed okay with that, I still play along with her antics (who wouldn't?). I also began to talk to her about her interests and what not, and it turns out her parents are crazy, she can't text people because her parents put a lock on her phone and they can see everything she does, which sucks because I really do want to get to know her because she seems really nice and interesting, and I am also thinking I might actually ask her out to go to starbucks or something (I am extremely nervous by the way, again I have never really done anything at all with girls.)

I will try and keep you guys updated, will post every other day or so as things happen.

Thanks for your guys support and advice, will keep listening and valueing your guys opinions.

It looks to me that you're doing everything right. Keep it up, man. :)

[Yourboytroy]

It looks to me that you're doing everything right. Keep it up, man. :)

Thanks, I also am going to try and compliment her, maybe her eyes or hair or something.

Sorry if I don't reply too often, this is just really stressful and exciting at the same time, I swear I have been reading relationship stuff/guides for the past 3 days.

[Uniquemind]

Thanks, I also am going to try and compliment her, maybe her eyes or hair or something.

Sorry if I don't reply too often, this is just really stressful and exciting at the same time, I swear I have been reading relationship stuff/guides for the past 3 days.

Meh be careful there's a lot of contradictory stuff out there then.

You never did really answer my question though. What do YOU want from this?

If her parents are super strict you need to be aware that she's probably the type of person who is (and don't tell her this, this is for your own knowledge) that craves to get out from under the repression of the household rules.

Psychologically there's a lot of what I call unbalanced edgy emotional energy which really dictates a person's actions and choices.

It's not a outright rule, but I had a friend in a similar boat as her, and she went on a wild streak in YOLO mindset and she was a fickle social butterfly like it was a double edge sword for her.

So be aware that you may be in for a wild ride, and you really need to emphasize close bonding and clear communication.

You may even need outside help to communicate.

(Letters, pseudonyms, code, drop-off points via locker, help from friends or group dates).

A shared google doc to communicate or external flash drive.

There are tons of tricks to get around parental units.

Be safe be careful but be honest and don't use people.

[Yourboytroy]

Meh be careful there's a lot of contradictory stuff out there then.

You never did really answer my question though. What do YOU want from this?

If her parents are super strict you need to be aware that she's probably the type of person who is (and don't tell her this, this is for your own knowledge) that craves to get out from under the repression of the household rules.

Psychologically there's a lot of what I call unbalanced edgy emotional energy which really dictates a person's actions and choices.

It's not a outright rule, but I had a friend in a similar boat as her, and she went on a wild streak in YOLO mindset and she was a fickle social butterfly like it was a double edge sword for her.

So be aware that you may be in for a wild ride, and you really need to emphasize close bonding and clear communication.

You may even need outside help to communicate.

(Letters, pseudonyms, code, drop-off points via locker, help from friends or group dates).

A shared google doc to communicate or external flash drive.

There are tons of tricks to get around parental units.

Be safe be careful but be honest and don't use people.

Yeah I already have a plan for communication.

What I really want from this is a nice close relationship. She is definitely my type of girl, I have found we have some similar interests, so I am going to ask her out to Starbucks on Tuesday and try to get to know her. I understand the risk.

Thanks for the advice with the YOLO mindset, I do get a little bit of the vibe from her, maybe I can subtly start to turn her to not be as promiscuous.

[LanaPole]

Oh don't worry, I don't think I would really do anything sexual, and if that somehow did happen, safe sex would definitely be a 1# priority.


I feel like she is a bit self concious or something because she constantly demeans herself as a "slut", "Whore", etc.

i think she's horny and she's flirting with you. she probably really want to have sex with you. if you dont mind sex, you can just engage with her conversation and have fun. i dont think she's just joking.

i think she enjoys a bit dirty talk. i like it as well. it's a turn on. if she's willng, you can call her that.