Sister thinks she's bi.

[Cadanance00]

My sister thinks she's lesbian because her friend and her do "things" when they sleep over and now she's afraid she's lesbian. She also says she has a crush on her friend. Now how the hell does she know since she not quite 13. I don't think she has a clue what she is at that age since everything is so unsettled anyway. I think she's making a big deal out of nothing and she's swearing me not to tell our rents especially my dad. Do you think I should be concerned or not?

[Hudor]

You could ask her how she arrived at that conclusion. And tell her to calm down. She has a lot of time to figure it out still and that you're there if she needs any kind of help

[Elysium]

It's perfectly within her right to know and understand at her age or any age; don't underestimate her. How do you know if you're straight at age 13?

Listen to her and treat her concerns as real and valid. Help and support her as best you can. It may fizzle out, it may progress... it may do any number of things. All you can do is love her and be there for her.

[stuckinlife]

Hi, I think you should tell her that she shouldn't worry about a thing, since it's completely normal. She is very young though, so I would tell her that her feelings might become clearer when she gets a little older and that she shouldn't jump to conclusions yet, maybe in a few years, but she's only 13.

Be supportive towards her, don't make her insecure. Also, she should know that ''doing things'' doesn't make her lesbian. It's normal to experiment. Maybe you can suggest her to look up some safe information sources on the internet or in books to know what everything means.

Good luck!

[Bluebyrd]

I'm 100 percent sure I'm gay and I've known since I was about six or seven. You can know from any age your sexuality. If that's how she feels the (in the words of Paul McCartney) let it be. Don't say that she isn't just because she's only thirteen. And if she is a lesbian then you shouldn't be concerned. Why would you be?

[benlodge123]

What stuff did she do at her friends house?

[northy]

Why should you be concerned? I see no problem here. Just support her and respect her wish for it to not be disclosed to your parents.

[West Coast Sheriff]

My sister thinks she's lesbian because her friend and her do "things" when they sleep over and now she's afraid she's lesbian. She also says she has a crush on her friend. Now how the hell does she know since she not quite 13. I don't think she has a clue what she is at that age since everything is so unsettled anyway. I think she's making a big deal out of nothing and she's swearing me not to tell our rents especially my dad. Do you think I should be concerned or not?

Don't tell your parents. As a sibling, that's the WORST thing you could do. She obviously trusts you enough with this information. You can't break that trust.

Tell her to keep an open mind. She's only thirteen. Don't discourage her from this but, help her as someone she can confide in.

[Uniquemind]

My sister thinks she's lesbian because her friend and her do "things" when they sleep over and now she's afraid she's lesbian. She also says she has a crush on her friend. Now how the hell does she know since she not quite 13. I don't think she has a clue what she is at that age since everything is so unsettled anyway. I think she's making a big deal out of nothing and she's swearing me not to tell our rents especially my dad. Do you think I should be concerned or not?

Self-discovery of the identity varies for every individual, but I can tell you based on conversations with friends who are homosexual, bi, and straight, that a good portion of them knew which camp they were in since Pre-school (so like around age 4 or even younger).

What you are attracted too in some ways, is similar to the question of how did you know what hunger was as a newborn infant?

It's instinctive.

---
I wouldn't be concerned, I'd play a wiser card of "biding your time", this affects her more than you.

I have bi friends, and from what they've told me is that they find that girls are better in the emotional support and empathy department than guys are, and because of that the foundation of a relationship is much easier to spark and maintain, and then sexual stuff might come into play and then you gotta label what just went down. Society's closest label is a "same gender relationship", so that could be what you're sister is going through.

Again everyone feels that spectrum of attraction differently and to differing intensities.

I certainly can't relate because I'm straight, but perhaps what I've heard from my friends sheds some light on what's going on here for your sister.

[Cadanance00]

Don't tell your parents. As a sibling, that's the WORST thing you could do.

I have no intention of telling our 'rents what she told me was in strictest confidence. Tho sex is openly discussed in our house she really really doesn't want them to know what she's doing and she doesn't want to get labelled. Where we live isn't friendly to any kind of alternative lifestyle.

[Zachary G]

There is nothing for you to be concerned about. Explain to her that shes probably going through an experimentation phase, but dont discourage her from finding herself. Let her know to not worry about labels right now, there is plenty of time for that, and let her know that you love and support her whatever decision she makes and that her secrets are safe with you. Be the big brother you would want to have.

[Uranus]

I have to admit, her sexual orientation isn't really your business. Although, she may just be experimenting and starting to learn about sex or whatever. At the most she's probably bi/bi curious

[maritza]

it sounds like she is just experimenting i wouldnt rlly worry to much she will figure it out on her own

[Beach_Blonde]

I agree with most of what is being said here. I don't think you should be so quick to rule it out as a phase just because of her age. I am near the same age as your sister and I know that I am firmly bisexual. It has taken me a year from the time I was 12 until just a few months ago to really know and accept it. Her age isn't a factor really.
I also agree that you should just be there for her emotionally and support her in anyway possible. But at the same time I think you should encourage her to a) not label herself and b) help explore and find out who she is.
Speaking from experience I know what she is going through and it is very hard, especially if you are in an area that is not accepting of alternative lifestyles. But she does need to figure out who she is still. And if she honestly has feelings or is just enjoying the moment of physical pleasure.

It's awesome that you two are so open with each other. I have an older sister who I tell everything, so having an older sibling there is great. And this is my last suggestion, and please forgive me if it sounds a little weird, I know it would be impossible to talk to your little sister about it. But I think you should ask her about everything that she has done and how it all started, I think it is important in helping her discover if she really is gay not.
I think there is a very big difference in talking about sex and masturbating together (or in front of one another) and having oral sex/fingering ( Sorry I wish there was a better term) because they are physically and/or emotionally attracted to each other.
But like I said I know it would be very hard to talk to your little sister about stuff like that and I really only mean it as a suggestion to try and figure out everything.

Hope this all helps,
Brooke

[ClaraWho]

I'd be unconcerned about her sexuality (which she has no choice in), and more concerned about her young age and promiscuous fooling with a friend. Sure, she can't get pregnant and reduced chance of STI's (but still a big chance), BUT sex is a huge emotional investment. She could end up really hurt or with issues because of what she's doing now. I can detail this further if you wish, but it's really late here hah.

I feel so uneloquent and distracted, sorry! But she's 13, she's too young for sex (casual or otherwise) and you should be looking out for her on THAT regardless of gender involved.

~ Clara

[ptz7649]

Eventually, she will figure it out And if she's a lesbian or bi or whatever, then that's what she is.
At thirteen your kind of just figuring stuff out so it may turn out she is gay or she isn't.
Congrats on being such and awesome brother btw, she must really trust you! Keep it up and remember she has no choice in her sexuality.

[LanaPole]

My sister thinks she's lesbian because her friend and her do "things" when they sleep over and now she's afraid she's lesbian. She also says she has a crush on her friend. Now how the hell does she know since she not quite 13. I don't think she has a clue what she is at that age since everything is so unsettled anyway. I think she's making a big deal out of nothing and she's swearing me not to tell our rents especially my dad. Do you think I should be concerned or not?

i'm not surprised that she's aware of those feelings. just tell her not to get to conclusions so quick, keep an open mind. dont just decide to be lesbian now. to be honest, I'm not really sure if being gay is a choice that you can make later or if you're born that way. For now, i think you can just tell your sister to relax and dont be nervous. she could be just having some fun with a friend

[Cadanance00]

i'm not surprised that she's aware of those feelings. just tell her not to get to conclusions so quick, keep an open mind. dont just decide to be lesbian now. to be honest, I'm not really sure if being gay is a choice that you can make later or if you're born that way. For now, i think you can just tell your sister to relax and dont be nervous. she could be just having some fun with a friend

I used to think homosexuality was the result of bad experiences with the parent of the opposite sex but I've got to know a couple of gay people and they said they knew at an early age they were gay and they were certain of it. So I think you're right. I'm not a homophobe at all but gay people are outside of the "mainstream" and they get discriminated against not to mention bullied, so as a personal matter I'd rather she not be. That's just me. I want her to be happy and right now she's real insecure about everything.

[Ragle]

Do you think I should be concerned or not?


be concerned but hold you back or so.

[DoodleSnap]

I used to think homosexuality was the result of bad experiences with the parent of the opposite sex but I've got to know a couple of gay people and they said they knew at an early age they were gay and they were certain of it. So I think you're right. I'm not a homophobe at all but gay people are outside of the "mainstream" and they get discriminated against not to mention bullied, so as a personal matter I'd rather she not be. That's just me. I want her to be happy and right now she's real insecure about everything.
Put it this way: most people are actually somewhere in between on the spectrum of sexuality. In a recent poll in the UK, 50% of 18-24 year old people said that they "weren't straight", and this number has been growing as proper sex education has spread worldwide (Source) (https://yougov.co.uk/news/2015/08/16/half-young-not-heterosexual/).
It's very possible that she genuinely does have feelings for this girl, and I don't think that you should invalidate her identity just because of her age - would you question her judgement if she said she was straight?

The point is, regardless of whatever happens, is that you have to support how she feels. Tell her it's okay, and tell her that she isn't alone, that she could be somewhere in between, rather than exclusively lesbian, or whatever. You have to be there for her, as a sibling.

[LanaPole]

I used to think homosexuality was the result of bad experiences with the parent of the opposite sex but I've got to know a couple of gay people and they said they knew at an early age they were gay and they were certain of it. So I think you're right. I'm not a homophobe at all but gay people are outside of the "mainstream" and they get discriminated against not to mention bullied, so as a personal matter I'd rather she not be. That's just me. I want her to be happy and right now she's real insecure about everything.

I agree. hope your sister would relax for now and maybe first explore a bit. probably you're the best one to talk to her

[federica]

My sister thinks she's lesbian because her friend and her do "things" when they sleep over and now she's afraid she's lesbian. She also says she has a crush on her friend. Now how the hell does she know since she not quite 13. I don't think she has a clue what she is at that age since everything is so unsettled anyway. I think she's making a big deal out of nothing and she's swearing me not to tell our rents especially my dad. Do you think I should be concerned or not?

I think she is just experimenting and discovering her sexuality so you can tell your sister to don't think that she is lesbian and continue having fun with her friend.

[Karkat]

I've known that I wasn't straight since before I knew what 'straight' was. Even before puberty, and even now, after puberty. In fact, I've spent the majority of my life knowing this. I was confused about it a lot until I was a teenager and came to terms with myself, and learned more about it all.

And as far as you 'preferring' that she wasn't gay, I mean, that's not up to you. At all. In fact, that's not any of your business.

I get not wanting her to be bullied, but you can be bullied over ANYTHING. Bullies will be bullies. At best this is akin to not wanting her to wear the clothes she likes or listen to the music she likes just because other people might judge her for it.

And as far as it being an 'alternative lifestyle', I mean, I'm sure in some places having dark skin is considered 'alternative' too. And of course, you can change being gay. You can also change being black.

You know, brainwashing yourself, bleaching your skin, all that good stuff. If you get my drift.

Willing her to be anything but what she is does not in any form help her. Nor will it. Ever. I mean, I appreciate you wanting the best for her, but trying to change her isn't what's best for her- or anyone. She's young. It could just be hormones and confusion. Who knows. It's not your problem. Just be there for her, but please accept that she's also her own person. Don't try to change her, even if you 'think it's what's best'. Trying to change someone like that usually just leads to a lot of resentment and internal conflict and pain. You'd be saving her a lot of strife by just accepting her for who she is- whatever that may be.

[BenF-22]

I'd recommend telling her to wait until she is absolutely, 100% sure to say anything to your parents. About 2 years ago, I came out to my parents as gay, and about a month later I realised that it was just a phase and that I was actually straight.

[angelina]

She is just 13 and out of the curiosity and closeness to her friend she is doing some lesbi things..She may get rid of with the passage of time..do not interfere ..she will realize