Micheal99
February 12th, 2016, 11:45 AM
Hey everyone before I get into the thick of everything that's just happened, I'd like to level with you guys and just come out and say that I'am a pretty deep person, I'am pretty emotional and take alot to heart. Even If I don't really come across as though.
So last year I jumped into year 11 at a completely new school, I didn't really have that many close friends at my last and I was in a very dark place at the time emotionally. However my luck began to turn as I met a cute girl my age at my new school who seemed pretty cool and shared alot of the same interests as myself. Her name was Tammara and it turns out she had just broken up with her bf, but apparently still had alot to do with him. Of course at the time I really had nothing wrong with that as I honestly just saw her as a really awesome friend.
She would facebook me every afternoon after school, and every morning before school. We even skype on occasion. We were also snapchat addicts. She really did start to mean alot to me as I had never had anyone in my life like this before, suddenly I wasn't so moody anymore and my fear of depression began to whither away. For once in my life I was actually excited to go to school, it was immaculate!
As weeks moved on, we started to get really, really close. We saw movies together, went ice-skating, went to concerts, hooked up and everything, we even planned out a whole trip to Tokyo Japan for schoolies, it was awesome! Of course we where technically still friends, she would often nudge my interest into going further but I was always so afraid that in doing so I would mess everything up and lose her, I really didn't want that, I just needed her to be my friend. And to be entirely honest I was afraid of alot of things, but I never told her that. I was almost afraid sometimes to even be myself, and maybe sometimes I would put on an act as though I was much more popular than what I actually was. Honestly I was just so unbelievably terrified of losing her and returning back to that dark place that it constantly lurked over me like a shadow.
As time began to pass, I undeniably started to develop feelings for her, even though I promised myself that I wouldn't. And it was pretty alarmingly obvious that she had them for me too. So one day I told her everything, she seemed pretty happy even to the point of tears. Nothing was concrete, but we knew eventually we would blossom into something. However there was just one problem, we both shared the same maths and biology classes, and I would often notice that she was consistently still texting her ex. Now I'am by no means a control freak at all, but I still thought it was a little strange. What was stranger was how she would often invite him out to do things with us, like see movies and grab dinner, even as incredibly awkward as it was. I guess it was obvious that these two where still pretty tight friends, and whilst I didn't have a strong issue with it, it still felt a little odd. I admit, at times I felt a little jealous.
She had told me numerous times that she was over him, and still into me, but she always seemed so uncertain about it. One day she called me and told me that she had just had a huge fallout with her ex, and they mutually decided to stop talking to each other for a month or two. As you could imagine I acted sympathetic but naturally I was over the moon to hear this news. However in hindsight this wasn't really the case at all, in-fact quite literally the opposite. She began to message me less, and we when did talk it seemed more like friends talking rather than an interested couple.
A two week holiday break rolled around and I had organised to do something with her on the coming weekend, however she decided to push it to the weekend after. We where used to seeing each other everyday at school, so a few days away from her, honestly felt a little jarring. I spent most nights either by myself in my room browsing youtube, at the gym or aimlessly driving around the suburbs with my few mates just for something to do. Finally the day that we organised to hang out arrived, but there was something different. It was her, she was less bubbly and definetly more serious. She treated me like a regular friend and it really spazzed me out. We saw a movie together, but it honestly felt like I just saw it with one of my other mates. It felt really strange.
And this is the part where I really, really f*ck up, and believe me when I tell you I wish I could turn back time and re-think my actions. And I hope this goes out for a lesson for anyone reading this. Don't ever, no matter the situation decide to ignore someone you care that much about for whatever stupid reason is floating around in your head. Because you will lose them. And that's exactly what happened to me. I'am a moron, I know. I went quiet on her for the remaining few days of that holiday break, I believe it was 4 or 5. Just briefly for those few days, everything suddenly went black again and for the first time in a while, I was genuinely terrified again. I eventually broke and decided to skype her, and tried explaining my stupid reasons but she was mad at me, like real mad.
School had started a new term, and we had returned on mutual grounds. We where friendly, but nothing more. Not even a day had passed before she had essentially swapped me out with another new "best friend" and only greeted me with a very robotic "hi" and "bye" I think it was safe to say at this point the candle was beginning to die out. She didn't even wait for me to catch the bus home with her, I saw her take off with her new "best friend" in the distance and yeah it killed me. It wasn't an easy trip home that day.
I tried texting her, facebooking her, skyping her, snapchatting her and just about literally everything inorder to get her attention back, and honestly at that point I didn't even care about a relationship, I just wanted my friend back! I was by no means coming across as desperate, I still kept some dignity but It didn't make any difference. We exchanged hurtful sentences, and excuses where flung in both directions. I messed up, there is literally no other way to describe it. To add salt to the wound, I was deleted off everything.
I had just lost my best friend, the only individual that shed any kind of light in my life was also the one who had the privilege of blowing it out. I can't express to you the amount of pain and heart ache the rest of year put me through, as I still had to see her every day, and as you could probably imagine we shared mutual friends, which also made matters worse.
I had overheard from others in my chemistry class that she had gotten back with her ex. And it was true, I checked her Instagram and she had a photo uploaded with her and her ex hugging each other by an ice rink with a love heart. Yeah the kind of sh*t we used to do. Often at lunch I would see her by the basketball courts with plenty of friends by her side. She had forgotten me, and life looked pretty alright for her.
It's currently 3:27am in the morning, and I can't sleep. I can't ever sleep. It sounds corny, but I still think about her every day. I often check my phone out of the slight hope she may still one day text me. People have often told me that time heals everything, and that's true, time heals wounds but scars still remain. School starts up again in just over a week, and I'am honestly terrified to return. Just the thought of returning to the sight of her every day is like a wildfire inside of me.
I'd imagine anyone still reading this far would probably tell me to grow a pair and move on, and you'd be right. But it makes life alot harder when you still have to see that person almost every day for another whole year.
She's forgotten me and thats why I still kills me that I think about her everyday, I wish it was as easy for me to forget about her, as easy as it clearly was for her to have forgotten about me.
I'am so sorry for such a long thread post, and If you've managed to read through my entire story then you have my eternal gratitude and appreciation. I honestly just needed somewhere to vent on. I guess my question is do you really think she has completely forgotten me?
So last year I jumped into year 11 at a completely new school, I didn't really have that many close friends at my last and I was in a very dark place at the time emotionally. However my luck began to turn as I met a cute girl my age at my new school who seemed pretty cool and shared alot of the same interests as myself. Her name was Tammara and it turns out she had just broken up with her bf, but apparently still had alot to do with him. Of course at the time I really had nothing wrong with that as I honestly just saw her as a really awesome friend.
She would facebook me every afternoon after school, and every morning before school. We even skype on occasion. We were also snapchat addicts. She really did start to mean alot to me as I had never had anyone in my life like this before, suddenly I wasn't so moody anymore and my fear of depression began to whither away. For once in my life I was actually excited to go to school, it was immaculate!
As weeks moved on, we started to get really, really close. We saw movies together, went ice-skating, went to concerts, hooked up and everything, we even planned out a whole trip to Tokyo Japan for schoolies, it was awesome! Of course we where technically still friends, she would often nudge my interest into going further but I was always so afraid that in doing so I would mess everything up and lose her, I really didn't want that, I just needed her to be my friend. And to be entirely honest I was afraid of alot of things, but I never told her that. I was almost afraid sometimes to even be myself, and maybe sometimes I would put on an act as though I was much more popular than what I actually was. Honestly I was just so unbelievably terrified of losing her and returning back to that dark place that it constantly lurked over me like a shadow.
As time began to pass, I undeniably started to develop feelings for her, even though I promised myself that I wouldn't. And it was pretty alarmingly obvious that she had them for me too. So one day I told her everything, she seemed pretty happy even to the point of tears. Nothing was concrete, but we knew eventually we would blossom into something. However there was just one problem, we both shared the same maths and biology classes, and I would often notice that she was consistently still texting her ex. Now I'am by no means a control freak at all, but I still thought it was a little strange. What was stranger was how she would often invite him out to do things with us, like see movies and grab dinner, even as incredibly awkward as it was. I guess it was obvious that these two where still pretty tight friends, and whilst I didn't have a strong issue with it, it still felt a little odd. I admit, at times I felt a little jealous.
She had told me numerous times that she was over him, and still into me, but she always seemed so uncertain about it. One day she called me and told me that she had just had a huge fallout with her ex, and they mutually decided to stop talking to each other for a month or two. As you could imagine I acted sympathetic but naturally I was over the moon to hear this news. However in hindsight this wasn't really the case at all, in-fact quite literally the opposite. She began to message me less, and we when did talk it seemed more like friends talking rather than an interested couple.
A two week holiday break rolled around and I had organised to do something with her on the coming weekend, however she decided to push it to the weekend after. We where used to seeing each other everyday at school, so a few days away from her, honestly felt a little jarring. I spent most nights either by myself in my room browsing youtube, at the gym or aimlessly driving around the suburbs with my few mates just for something to do. Finally the day that we organised to hang out arrived, but there was something different. It was her, she was less bubbly and definetly more serious. She treated me like a regular friend and it really spazzed me out. We saw a movie together, but it honestly felt like I just saw it with one of my other mates. It felt really strange.
And this is the part where I really, really f*ck up, and believe me when I tell you I wish I could turn back time and re-think my actions. And I hope this goes out for a lesson for anyone reading this. Don't ever, no matter the situation decide to ignore someone you care that much about for whatever stupid reason is floating around in your head. Because you will lose them. And that's exactly what happened to me. I'am a moron, I know. I went quiet on her for the remaining few days of that holiday break, I believe it was 4 or 5. Just briefly for those few days, everything suddenly went black again and for the first time in a while, I was genuinely terrified again. I eventually broke and decided to skype her, and tried explaining my stupid reasons but she was mad at me, like real mad.
School had started a new term, and we had returned on mutual grounds. We where friendly, but nothing more. Not even a day had passed before she had essentially swapped me out with another new "best friend" and only greeted me with a very robotic "hi" and "bye" I think it was safe to say at this point the candle was beginning to die out. She didn't even wait for me to catch the bus home with her, I saw her take off with her new "best friend" in the distance and yeah it killed me. It wasn't an easy trip home that day.
I tried texting her, facebooking her, skyping her, snapchatting her and just about literally everything inorder to get her attention back, and honestly at that point I didn't even care about a relationship, I just wanted my friend back! I was by no means coming across as desperate, I still kept some dignity but It didn't make any difference. We exchanged hurtful sentences, and excuses where flung in both directions. I messed up, there is literally no other way to describe it. To add salt to the wound, I was deleted off everything.
I had just lost my best friend, the only individual that shed any kind of light in my life was also the one who had the privilege of blowing it out. I can't express to you the amount of pain and heart ache the rest of year put me through, as I still had to see her every day, and as you could probably imagine we shared mutual friends, which also made matters worse.
I had overheard from others in my chemistry class that she had gotten back with her ex. And it was true, I checked her Instagram and she had a photo uploaded with her and her ex hugging each other by an ice rink with a love heart. Yeah the kind of sh*t we used to do. Often at lunch I would see her by the basketball courts with plenty of friends by her side. She had forgotten me, and life looked pretty alright for her.
It's currently 3:27am in the morning, and I can't sleep. I can't ever sleep. It sounds corny, but I still think about her every day. I often check my phone out of the slight hope she may still one day text me. People have often told me that time heals everything, and that's true, time heals wounds but scars still remain. School starts up again in just over a week, and I'am honestly terrified to return. Just the thought of returning to the sight of her every day is like a wildfire inside of me.
I'd imagine anyone still reading this far would probably tell me to grow a pair and move on, and you'd be right. But it makes life alot harder when you still have to see that person almost every day for another whole year.
She's forgotten me and thats why I still kills me that I think about her everyday, I wish it was as easy for me to forget about her, as easy as it clearly was for her to have forgotten about me.
I'am so sorry for such a long thread post, and If you've managed to read through my entire story then you have my eternal gratitude and appreciation. I honestly just needed somewhere to vent on. I guess my question is do you really think she has completely forgotten me?