I'm back in the closet..

[Thunderstorm]

Hi guys,

I haven't been in here in a while but I need help. I haven't been in a good place. A little over a year ago, I came out to my parents. They were less than happy...but no violence, no kicking me out, not to that extreme. They said they would love me no matter what but I'm too young and inexperienced to be making that decision. (as if I would tell them about my experiences) Fast forward, and they started to accept it. They never said it but I could tell. However, them never saying it makes me a little unhappy. It's caused me to regress back into the closet with only a few friends knowing. It's hard. I get irritable around my friends and I'm not the same person I once was. Sometimes I want to say to my parents "I've gotten erections for boys since I was a toddler so just deal with it!" But I can't do that. I'm waiting for my mom to ask me something about me being gay but with me going away to college in six months that seems less and less likely. I just want to know what to do so that I can go into college, have a straight roommate, and just openly be myself.

[SethfromMI]

Well I think part of it is being yourself no matter what anyone else thinks or says about you, even if it means you might end up getting reacted by some of those who you thought were close to you. It sounds like your parents are getting better at accepting you. your sexuality is not something you need to shout from the rooftops no matter what it is, but it is something which does not have to be hidden either. the key to being honest and open is being willing to be honest and open with people. if someone asks, just simply admit your gay. I guess if it is someone you really do not want to tell, then simply tell them it is none of their busniuess and it is likely they will be able to put the pieces together.

as far as possibly having a straight room mate when you go to college it is up to you. you could wait to tell him if he asks you, or you could tell him right off the bat. just explain/reassure to him you want to have a normal room mate relationship with him and your sexuality is just one aspect of who you are.after all our sexuality does not define everything about us it is only one aspect.

I will try to help more if I can, you should be happy and comfortable about who you are Jake, I feel bad you do not totally feel you can be exactly who you are, at least not totally openly

[Bluebyrd]

I think one thing that you should let your parents know (if your sexuality were to come up in a conversation) is that you're not too inexperienced to make a decision like that because it isn't a decision to begin with. Also, why would you want to go "back in the closet"? Think about how for you're cam already. For years it was all bottled up inside you and then you let it all out. What a shame it would be for you to have to go through all of that again.

Also, about the college situation, you should be totally honest from the get-go. With a new group of people and a new group of friends, it's a great chance for a new start. It's up to you whether you choose to tell your room mate from the start or just go with the honesty method. If you ever need any help, just remember that we're always here for you :)

[warbit]

I kind of had the completely opposite situation. My mates and parents were convinced that I was gay. Even my ex-gf thought I was when we were together. One day I snapped and shouted IM NOT GAY. Anyway, I digress, I think that you should be open and proud to be gay. Keeping it all bottled up is simply a recipie for disaster. One of my mates didn't tell anyone that he was gay for about 3 years and he started felling like there was a massive weight on his neck because he anted to tell us but he thought we would take the piss, we didn't and it Was shocking at first but we got over it.

In short, be open about it, if you think that you need to talk to your parents about it then start a convesation with them and if anyone tells you that you shouldn't be or you can't be, they are old-fashioned and wrong

:)

[amgb]

Hi Jake~ It's great to see you back, sorry things haven't been going well :/ People start to have ideas about their own sexuality from different ages. Coming out to your parents is one of the hardest things, and for you to be able to do that is definitely worth acknowledging. I'm glad your parents have slowly come to accept your homosexuality, but I think there's something important that comes with acceptance - and that's being able to talk about it. I think that's what you need from your parents, to be able to talk about being gay and for them to initiate the conversation. I understand it would be disappointing not to hear your parents at least mention about it before you head off to college. If they don't mention it, try mentioning it to them and tell them that you feel you haven't been in a good place. Say how you feel, because something good might come out of it. Going to college is such a big step and without confidence within yourself it's going to be an even bigger and harder step to take. It's going to be hard to openly be yourself, especially around an entire new group of people. As SethfromMI said, your sexuality isn't something every single person has to know about, but at the same time it's also not something you have to hide. Don't be afraid for people to know about you, you deserve acceptance~~

[DoodleSnap]

Just because you're not telling more and more people doesn't mean that you're "regressing back into the closet" - Your sexuality doesn't have to be something that you're always telling people about, you can still quietly be yourself and be open.

And I would always say that if you want to talk to someone about something, you should just approach them straight up and say it. Maybe it takes a start into the conversation or maybe you need some time to steel yourself, but whatever it is, I think you should talk about it, tell them some of your feelings, because good communication is how a relationship works best.

Finally, good luck.

[ska8er]

What makes u believe u r going to find
a roommate that is straight? He may be
just like u. Once u go off to college and
away- ur ur own guy. I would accept how
I am.

[Roxas2]

Hmm you know I'm MtF transgender and I'm in the same case as you. I came out to my parents a year and a half ago. They didn't accept it and still doesn't accept it. I'm lucky because I'm in a dorm when I am at school so I don't see them everyday but I feel empty because of that. I bought my first girl's clothes a month ago and I'm still too shy to wear it... But my friends cheer me up so that's okay. You should be happy as you are even if you can't live that as you'd like to!

[eric2001]

Hi, I'm sorry you're unhappy. I don't know you except from some VT Arcade things but you seem pretty chill. I know I'm not very knowledgeable because I'm 14 but I'll tell you what I do in your shoes. I'd make friends with your roommate at college but not say anything about being gay for a least a few days after you meet him. Then you can say, in the spirit of honesty, I'd like you to know that I'm gay. You can also say that you're there to get an education and that your sexuality should not matter. If he's a nice person he'll be fine with it.

[Sublime Demonz]

You know who you are. Others don't define you. Any negative opinion someone might have is their problem, not yours. Don't let others stop you from being happy in your own skin, even your parents. People will either love you the way you are, or they won't, and that's ok. You just have to do your best not to let it get to you too much. In the next couple of years, your parents may be comfortable with it to be able to openly say, "Yes, my child is gay". Some parents take longer than others, you just have to let them go at their own pace.

[Thunderstorm]

Hi, I'm sorry you're unhappy. I don't know you except from some VT Arcade things but you seem pretty chill. I know I'm not very knowledgeable because I'm 14 but I'll tell you what I do in your shoes. I'd make friends with your roommate at college but not say anything about being gay for a least a few days after you meet him. Then you can say, in the spirit of honesty, I'd like you to know that I'm gay. You can also say that you're there to get an education and that your sexuality should not matter. If he's a nice person he'll be fine with it.

You know who you are. Others don't define you. Any negative opinion someone might have is their problem, not yours. Don't let others stop you from being happy in your own skin, even your parents. People will either love you the way you are, or they won't, and that's ok. You just have to do your best not to let it get to you too much. In the next couple of years, your parents may be comfortable with it to be able to openly say, "Yes, my child is gay". Some parents take longer than others, you just have to let them go at their own pace.

Yes, thank you guys!

[Stronger]

I have very conservative parents, that to this day still don't understand that I'm gay. The best thing is to surround yourself with people that will love and accept you no matter what. I have so many people to thank for helping and to this day they still help me. Don't they have survey's you take so that you dorm with people with similar qualities(?) as you? If they do, they could be a start (unless you already have a roommate). Like Elise said, you just have to give them time to come to terms with it and at the end of the day you control your own path and happiness, don't ever change for anyone but yourself.