Denial?

[davdev17]

My cousin told his parents that he was gay. Then later he said he isn't. Do you think he is and is just in denial or he's not gay? I'm worried about him. This happened after he had a breakdown and stayed in a hospital for 5 days.

[West Coast Sheriff]

He could be nervous about coming out. If they reacted negatively, he might have told then a lie about his sexuality. There is still a chance he isn't gay but, coming out can be a big deal and I don't see why someone would make that up.

[davdev17]

He told them that he was afraid that they were going to disown him and they said that they would never do that and that they love him.

[UNKNOWN8198]

How old is he?? He could be confused, in the sense that he's got a lot of hormones and he's not sure what he likes at the moment. The fact that he came out makes me think that he's not straight, but he may well be some variant of bisexual if he then retracted his 'coming out'. Also, if it was a spur of the moment thing, and he is gay/bi, he may not have had enough time to accept it himself, so may need some time to think over it.

I'd talk to him about it, though you may need to open up to him in order to get a response if he is feeling vulnerable. You may also need to make assurances that you wont talk to anybody about it as well, which you would then have to keep, but if his parents don't care then do remind him of that, and remind him he has people who care about him no matter what.

[As a note, be aware it could be about anything. He could be questioning his gender, so therefore isn't gay but trans for example. Just be prepared for any answer, because as we don't know him we can't tell you what's going through his head at the moment. Just be there for him.]

[davdev17]

He is 16. I think he kind of opened up about it when he broke down, but I think he is pretending everything is fine and he isn't gay.

[Hudor]

He might be in denial. If you guys are close, talk to him about it when he's calmer and in a better state of mind, since he's just had a breakdown.

[DoodleSnap]

There is really no way to know without asking someone, and even then, they may not feel comfortable telling you.

[Abhorrence]

Acceptance is an extremely long process and sometimes it isn't environmental factors that affect or contribute to it. Sometimes a person can really just not want to be gay. Sooner or later they'll have to realise that they cannot decide it - no matter how much they fight it. It's an awful feeling but one that I'd assume will go away in time.

[Babs]

It could be because he's in denial.
It could be because he's trying to hide it.
It could be because he realized he isn't actually gay.

There are tons of reasons, and it's difficult for anyone but him to tell you. But the fact that it happened after having a breakdown suggests that it's one of the first two. Still though, it's difficult to say.

[amgb]

Agreed with DoodleSnap - you can't know until you ask your cousin specifically what you want to know, and even then he might not tell you the truth. I think it would be best to try and talk to him about it, when he's in a good mind space. Let him know that you are there to support him yeah. In my view, it sounds like he's internally accepting of it but then refuses to show his parents that he accepts his sexuality. That's the thing with sexuality and parents; more often than not people might be afraid that they're a mistake, they're abnormal, or a failure, or a let-down, or just plain weird. But sexuality doesn't make someone any worse of a person, it's just something a lot of people are struggling to figure out in a society where some families can be very judgemental and demeaning. His parents sound like accepting people though, I'm glad for that. I can't know anything for certain, but acceptance comes hard and slow, and that's most likely what he could be struggling with now. I hope he's okay though...to go to hospital for a breakdown sounds really serious. I hope he's been feeling better lately, and I really hope his parents are supporting him as best as they can~