Helping my dad face a fear

[bfldworker]

I know this sounds weird, and maybe worrying about something unnecessary. But it has been weighing heavily on my mind.

My dad and I are very close, almost like friends. We do everything together, when we can. We are open about everything. He is someone who I look up to, as clichéd as this sounds, he is my hero.

My dad is going to Manhattan next week. He is going up there to help a cousin move her business to a bigger location. He is going to install the computer network and security camera system.

He is very nervous about going up there. Why? Last time he visited Manhattan was September 11, 2001. He was in Tower one when Flight 11 hit it. He got burned and a shattered arm from a elevator exploding from Jet fuel that got dumped down the elevator shaft.

I have never seen him this unnerved about anything before. He said that he is only going because of family and because he needs to face this head on. Which makes sense, don't hide from your fears.

I want to go with him for support and I have never been to Manhattan. He is not sure if it would be a good idea because of what he went through, but he said it is up to me if I go or not. So I told him I will go with him.

And now the closer it gets the more nervous I am getting. I don't know why. I'm not scared. I guess I am more nervous for him, because even though I was a few months old when 9/11 happened I know the effect it has had on him. He avoids tall buildings, when he hears certain noises or smells certain odors he gets panicked and looks for a escape route. He avoids elevators at almost all costs. And he prefers driving across country them flying. Which I don't mind, I actually enjoy road trips.

Any advice?

[West Coast Sheriff]

The best thing you can do is give him emotional support

[Uniquemind]

Is he seeing a psychologist.


They usually recommend I think fear exposure desensitization therapy and they work up to it.

The brain needs to reestablish that those sounds, visuals, don't in of themselves imply hurt, and danger, and death.

But the brain's wiring system isn't logical, it's mechanical and organized by concepts kinda like how search engines operate.

Go with him and have a game plan ready if he has a breakdown. (Phone charged, relatives to call, water, earplugs, blindfold).

Talk to your dad too about having these things in advance.

[bfldworker]

It's been a few months since I first posted this. Been busy with school and personal projects.

We went up there and at first, my sole focus was on him, making sure he was OK and that he was as comfortable as possible. He told me I was being a mother hen, but it didn't bother me and he understood why. We got our cousin moved to her new office, wired up and all.

My cousin knew what he went through and she has a friend who was just below the impact point on tower one, she did get out. We went to dinner when we were done and her friend showed up and they started talking about that day. Between our cousin and her friend we were able to get him to go to ground zero, although not on the actual property. At first he was quite emotional about even being there, but we got him to calm down.

I guess it is a step in the right direction. I wanted to see more because of what happen, but I wasn't going unless he went with. I also found out that it is a good idea to buy tickets in advance of you want to go into the museum. Our cousin invited all of us up there for the Anniversary of 9/11. He said he was open to it only only if all of us went. He said he won't be able to handle going into the museum or even the mall (which is where he was at that day) without support from us.

So I shall keep everyone posted.