Coming out question

[bfldworker]

I got a question, and it isn't about me. I have a life long friend who is in deed gay. He came out to me and my brother few years ago. He wants to come out to his parents. But he is scared to. Why? His mother and father are hard core Southern Baptist Christians. They believe homosexuality is of the devil, that it is a sin and is not biological. He has heard stories from his father about what he and his platoon did to a gay acting member and to quote his father "if you run into a faggot, kick him in his balls multiple times" (sorry if that offended you). He asked me what he should do, he is scared his parents would either beat his ass bloody or kick him out and disown him.

I don't know what to suggest. I am very accepting of him and his sexual orientation, but it is hard for me to graspnpeople not being accepting of it.

Got advice?

[Abhorrence]

I'd say that he holds out on coming out. I know the feeling of wanting to come out to the world so badly but it is a hard thing to do anyway. Seriously, tell him to not come out until he is able to financially support himself. With people like that, there is no way of convincing them really. It's just part of the world these days, unfortunately.

[RiHouse]

I think he should definitely not tell them, at least not at this moment in time. Judging from your age on here, I can assume that he's the around the same age as you, that means that he has absolutely zero financial dependence, which means if they do kick him out, he has nothing.

I would tell him to wait until he can actually afford to hold himself up.

[Chapperz16]

Yea sorry but I agree with the advice above. Some people's opinions are set in stone by belief or social surroundings so it may hurt him both physically or mentally if he came out to his parents. I'd advise that he bide his time and tell his mother first.

[Hudor]

As the users above said, tell him to wait until he can financially support himself before he comes out. There are still people who will go to any length to convince themselves that homosexuality doesn't exist and if he's sure his parents won't accept it, no point in telling them until he's ready to deal with things, in case they get ugly.

[Zachary G]

I am sorry for what your friend is going through, it is a sad day when parents turn on their backs on their children while at the same time calling themselves Christians. It is not the Christian thing to do, at least not the way I was taught.

Anyway, I am with everyone else in saying that he should hold out on coming out to his parents until he is able to support himself financially or even has made other arrangements to live outside the home. Putting his emotional and physical safety is not worth the risk at this point and time. Its going to be tough for him to live a life in the closet, but if its a matter of survival then its something he will have to do for the time being. Again I am sorry.

[bfldworker]

He is 13, and he is going to hold out. He hates being forced to live a lie and not being himself around people who should care about his happiness
Thank you!

[West Coast Sheriff]

It's definitely difficult. At 13, you can't uproot and emancipate. Perhaps he has other family that would accept him if his parents reject him, however, I think he ought to postpone coming out until he can live self sufficiently or they are willing to accept his lifestyle.

[Bluebyrd]

That's shit for him. There is, of course, a chance that he could change their minds about homosexuality but that's too much of a risk. I'd tell him to keep it inside him until he is able to live by himself. Whatever happens, just let him know that you're there for him no matter what! :)

[Second Chance]

In light of where your friend lives and the kind of parents he has the others are completely right when they advised your friend not to come out. It would not be a good thing if your friend comes out, and it is highly unlikely his parents would be at all understanding. Your friend should wait until he is financially independent (i.e. out of college) before deciding to come out. What you friend should consider doing is when he enters college or goes to work after high school is to move to a place that is open about homosexuality so that he can be himself. Until then, he should not put his sexuality out in the open or even attempt to find a boyfriend right now. Once he is out on his own after high school, then your friend can do his own thing. I know that sounds rough right now, but the reality is why start up a fight with his parents he knows he will never win especially if they end up trying to exorcise him or send him to one of those camps where they try to make him "straight?" My advice is that your friend should be himself but keep his sexuality private. After all, there is so much to all of us beyond our sexuality, and your friend should stay focused on school and family and wait until he is older to satisfy his sexual needs once he is on his own.