Dating people you don't know

[Tesserax]

Do people often do that? Like, let's say you saw somebody, and you kind of liked them. But you're not friends or anything, only acquainted. You barely know each other, besides knowledge from gossip or being in class, but you want to ask them out.

For example, in my case, there's a girl that I do band with (orchestra, concert band, big band, and our year 12 rock band), but I don't really know her, I'm not really that much of a friend to her nor do I speak with her often. But I'm considering asking her out, but I don't know if it would be awkward given that we don't know each other all too well, or how she would react. I just don't know how I'd go about asking her out.

I have a fever right now, so forgive my jumbled writings, I know it might be a bit hard to comprehend. But thank you all so much for reading, and as always, may you be guided for Eternity.

[West Coast Sheriff]

I've seen a lot of people at my school do that with other people from our school or someone from a different school. Personally, I think you should talk to her a little bit first then ask her to hang out to see if you actually like her as a person.

[ClaraWho]

I've never understood people who ask strangers out. Surely that just means the only thing you are interested in is their appearance? But that is how most people go about dating, so definitely 'normal'.

I'd say get to know her better, make excuses to spend time finding out if you actually like her as a person. As a rule I only would consider dating best friends, but that's just me!

~ Clara

N.B. Get well soon!

[Chapperz16]

Find out what she is like first, there is a big difference from love and lust and I made that mistake in the past by asking someone I vaguely knew but was not good friends with him and he nearly caused me to self-harm. Make sure you like the person for who they are and not just their image.

[Shiny Moon]

I suggest you talk to her first, try to know her a little better at least. Asking out someone that you barely know seems a bit odd to me.

[pjones]

i'm too shy to talk to girls that i don't at least know a little, like have class with.

[Melodic]

The first guy I ever dated I only knew for a week. Honestly, it was a good experience because we learned later on that we had nothing in common. Now, I always try to befriend a person before I date them.

[Chapperz16]

The first guy I ever dated I only knew for a week. Honestly, it was a good experience because we learned later on that we had nothing in common. Now, I always try to befriend a person before I date them.

I wonder though if you get stuck in the friend trap. I am friends with many girls at my school but even the ones who I like more, I am worried that if I ask them to go out, they'll say your a good friend. Its happened to me a great number of times.

[ClaraWho]

I wonder though if you get stuck in the friend trap. I am friends with many girls at my school but even the ones who I like more, I am worried that if I ask them to go out, they'll say your a good friend. Its happened to me a great number of times.

But the alternative is to start going out, have nothing in common, and then end up just friends anyway but with an awkward history. All 'you're just a good friend' means is they aren't interested in being with you as more. That would be true either way. It seems to me if it happens to you a great number of times, you're asking too many girls you haven't really fallen for.

~ Clara

[Taryn98]

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. If she was a total stranger, then that's a little weird, but you at least know who each other are and have spoken so go for it.

[Uniquemind]

That's a hard one, the only thing is you can't force timing or context.

Facebook has been a great icebreaker for strangers though to begin that "get to know you" thing.

In my third relationship which ended well, it started because I saw the person around school, but because they were a grade above myself, I couldn't ever really introduce myself.

One day it just so happened I had to spend the last period of every school day at the library and lo and behold, that person was there too studying solo in the same situation, and we just introduced ourselves since we were an impromptu class of 2-4 people depending on who joined us at the back table.

But when it was just us two, the banter was so intimate it felt like a date.

We broke up though because he ended up graduating early by shipping a grade but it certainly taught me a lot.


So like situations like that are hard to force.


It can be honestly said that only lust is driving your opinions at this point.



But the alternative is to start going out, have nothing in common, and then end up just friends anyway but with an awkward history. All 'you're just a good friend' means is they aren't interested in being with you as more. That would be true either way. It seems to me if it happens to you a great number of times, you're asking too many girls you haven't really fallen for.

~ Clara

So true everyone just wants to avoid awkwardness.

I think what guys don't understand is that girls and guys have a different view of when the social line of dating first begins.

I argue "the dating phase" begins at first impressions, and then that either opens the door for further progress, or they're shutout to which society's vernacular is "the friend zone" or "rejection".

Boys feel like they never got a chance with said girl.

Girls feel like they fairly evaluated the guy on first impressions.

[ClaraWho]

That's a hard one, the only thing is you can't force timing or context.

Facebook has been a great icebreaker for strangers though to begin that "get to know you" thing.

In my third relationship which ended well, it started because I saw the person around school, but because they were a grade above myself, I couldn't ever really introduce myself.

One day it just so happened I had to spend the last period of every school day at the library and lo and behold, that person was there too studying solo in the same situation, and we just introduced ourselves since we were an impromptu class of 2-4 people depending on who joined us at the back table.

But when it was just us two, the banter was so intimate it felt like a date.

We broke up though because he ended up graduating early by shipping a grade but it certainly taught me a lot.


So like situations like that are hard to force.


It can be honestly said that only lust is driving your opinions at this point.





So true everyone just wants to avoid awkwardness.

I think what guys don't understand is that girls and guys have a different view of when the social line of dating first begins.

I argue "the dating phase" begins at first impressions, and then that either opens the door for further progress, or they're shutout to which society's vernacular is "the friend zone" or "rejection".

Boys feel like they never got a chance with said girl.

Girls feel like they fairly evaluated the guy on first impressions.

I agree to a certain extent, that extent being the semantics of 'dating' and I think that's way too reductionist and simplistic. Whilst it's true when we're single we evaluate the gender(s) of interest we are relatively compatible with as potential partners (or not) when we first meet, it goes both ways. I see societal differences in approach from guys/girls by country. Further, people develop feelings over time, even for people they started off not liking.

Most people just date within thier environment/social circle, in which case it is normally a 'best of the local pool' type decision that develops into love, but not true love. I feel we're maybe going too in depth into the topic for the mods liking, they prefer short, simple snap responses.

~ Clara

[Uniquemind]

I agree to a certain extent, that extent being the semantics of 'dating' and I think that's way too reductionist and simplistic. Whilst it's true when we're single we evaluate the gender(s) of interest we are relatively compatible with as potential partners (or not) when we first meet, it goes both ways. I see societal differences in approach from guys/girls by country. Further, people develop feelings over time, even for people they started off not liking.

Most people just date within thier environment/social circle, in which case it is normally a 'best of the local pool' type decision that develops into love, but not true love. I feel we're maybe going too in depth into the topic for the mods liking, they prefer short, simple snap responses.

~ Clara

By all means keep going, as far as I can tell we're still discussing the sociology of dating culture and interpretation between the genders.

It's a fresh topic, that's deep but still on point.

Let me add that in cases where first impressions of a person change over time, and someone moves out of the "friend zone or rejected camp" and into the "I'm reconsidering your status" camp, it's because those persons got to know each other at a more detailed level (or at least they think or saw more information about that person, to cause a re-evaluation).

In those cases, I'd bet that those people are no longer strangers to each other anymore.


If we're going too deep and a mod wants us to stop they will say so, in which case we'll start a new thread.

[ClaraWho]

By all means keep going, as far as I can tell we're still discussing the sociology of dating culture and interpretation between the genders.

It's a fresh topic, that's deep but still on point.

Let me add that in cases where first impressions of a person change over time, and someone moves out of the "friend zone or rejected camp" and into the "I'm reconsidering your status" camp, it's because those persons got to know each other at a more detailed level (or at least they think or saw more information about that person, to cause a re-evaluation).

In those cases, I'd bet that those people are no longer strangers to each other anymore.


If we're going too deep and a mod wants us to stop they will say so, in which case we'll start a new thread.

Ironically I think you're reading both too much AND too little into various aspects of this. What I will say is social psychology has evidenced theories about repeated exposure bringing fondness. Regardless, we're kind of stating the obvious here now!

~ Clara

N.B. You've got to stop agreeing with me, it's been happening a lot recently and I'm a little freaked out! ;):P

[Zachary G]

How else do you really get to know someone unless you take a chance on asking a stranger to coffee, lunch, or something? My first and second bfs and I really didnt know eachother until we started to talk casually and then more often.

[DoodleSnap]

If I were you, I wouldn't put any labels on what you want the relationship to be just yet. I'd just see if you can spend some time with her, ask her if she wants to hang out (no need to say 'as friends' or 'casually'), and just get to know her. See who she is, what she likes, and become a friend. Being able to talk to each other and get to know each other is important for a romantic relationship, so see where you get with her.

Take the chance, and be yourself. Good luck.

[RJH98]

This happened to me last week. This girl I know because she is the friend of a sister of someone who used to be a friend of mine (confusing, I know) added me on Instagram and she looked amazing. Last week she posted a picture saying "add me on snapchat", so I did. We started snap chatting each other and last night I gave her my number and since then we have been talking constantly