well, crushing on a coworker is great and all, but...

[lumiadots]

i have a bit of a lengthy tale to tell, and i'd really appreciate some advice.

i was dating a guy for around two years. recently, as in eight days ago, we broke up. the reason we broke up was long in coming. over the course of the past five or so months, he was growing extremely possessive and jealous, and was overall just sad all the time and super pushy with me. i was falling out of love with him, and i knew that, too. i just don't deal with breakups all too well, so i held off until just recently. i know it was the right thing to do for me and my happiness and well being, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt me. it hurts...a lot. of course it does. we were together for two years, and even though i wasn't in love with him the way i know i should have been, it still hurts immensely knowing he's not there anymore.

i've been working at a new job for the past six or so months. i have a coworker there, and me and him started getting along right off the bat. he's super funny and honestly really adorable, in my opinion. i never had any feelings for him until a month or so ago, but we are pretty close friends. i realized i was getting feelings for him around a month ago, and god, i never cheated. i despise cheaters, but i guess i did hang on to his company a lot. i liked how happy he made me feel when my boyfriend was accusing me and being a jerk and/or guilt-tripping me for one reason or another. there was no intimacy between us, but i knew there were feelings coming on.

let me address one thing: this coworker wasn't even a factor of me breaking up with my boyfriend. it was a thing that was festering and growing for a long while, and it was a surprise it didn't happen sooner. but when we broke up, i guess i kinda latched on to him. he kept my mind off of the breakup and cheered me up a lot.

now i have a feeling he might like me...i mean, i definitely know i like him. last night, we were snapchatting and he was saying "don't you ever feel scared to tell someone something?" and i agreed and asked him what was up and he replied "idk i don't want the person to know" so i said "ok, well could i help with the situation at all?" and he said "idk how you could help" and we kinda left it at that. i'm not dumb. i am almost positive he was talking about being scared to tell me he likes me. the way he acts around me, i can kinda tell. he treats me a lot differently than other employees and sticks around me as much as possible, always trying to talk and joke with me.

i love this feeling, tbh. the mutual interest but not going after it. the thing is, i'm not sure what i should do. i am NOT gonna lie...i still really miss my old relationship. i wouldn't ever take him back, but we were together a long time and suddenly missing that has taken a toll on me. i know i still hold deep feelings for my ex, and i don't want my coworker to be a rebound. that would be a shitty thing to do. i also don't exactly want to start an open relationship (as in one where people know we're together). i am in NO way ashamed to be with him (if i ever were), but me and him would get so much shit. we already get a lot of shit, and at this particular point in time, i just don't want to deal with it.

idk...should i do something? or just wait and see what happens?

[Uniquemind]

Take it slow.

But clarify what you mean by "you and him get so much shit". How so?

And if you like him and he confesses just tell him you're too bruised from your last relationship and need time to heal, and that you don't want to jump into a relationship because you're afraid you will treat him as a rebound.


Give yourself 2-4 months, then give him a chance if he's still available.

[lumiadots]

Take it slow.

But clarify what you mean by "you and him get so much shit". How so?

And if you like him and he confesses just tell him you're too bruised from your last relationship and need time to heal, and that you don't want to jump into a relationship because you're afraid you will treat him as a rebound.


Give yourself 2-4 months, then give him a chance if he's still available.

thank you for the advice. (: and by shit, i mean coworkers just tease us about always hanging out together and give us shit along those lines. it's not bad and i'm not a titbaby, lol. i can handle it fine. but a couple coworkers also go to school with me and know my ex, and god, i don't want rumors to start flying and then be accused of cheating and all that drama. i don't want any part of it.

[Uniquemind]

thank you for the advice. (: and by shit, i mean coworkers just tease us about always hanging out together and give us shit along those lines. it's not bad and i'm not a titbaby, lol. i can handle it fine. but a couple coworkers also go to school with me and know my ex, and god, i don't want rumors to start flying and then be accused of cheating and all that drama. i don't want any part of it.

Just keep in mind that rumors based on cheating is about perception, and not reality.

Just because you aren't with the new guy, doesn't stop rumors from flying.

If they already noticed you're close pals with the new co-worker-crush(mutual crush?), then the damage is probably already done and you might as well go for broke.

However if your work has a policy regarding dating or romance between co-workers...then that's a concern you need to look at.

As for your ex, he's an ex for a reason. You're free to move on.

---

Let me also add that drama that reveals who are true friends and who are false friends, (cheating accusation drama) isn't necessarily a bad thing either.

I stand by my original advice, take it slow but seize opportunity in an honest way.

[West Coast Sheriff]

i have a bit of a lengthy tale to tell, and i'd really appreciate some advice.

i was dating a guy for around two years. recently, as in eight days ago, we broke up. the reason we broke up was long in coming. over the course of the past five or so months, he was growing extremely possessive and jealous, and was overall just sad all the time and super pushy with me. i was falling out of love with him, and i knew that, too. i just don't deal with breakups all too well, so i held off until just recently. i know it was the right thing to do for me and my happiness and well being, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt me. it hurts...a lot. of course it does. we were together for two years, and even though i wasn't in love with him the way i know i should have been, it still hurts immensely knowing he's not there anymore.

i've been working at a new job for the past six or so months. i have a coworker there, and me and him started getting along right off the bat. he's super funny and honestly really adorable, in my opinion. i never had any feelings for him until a month or so ago, but we are pretty close friends. i realized i was getting feelings for him around a month ago, and god, i never cheated. i despise cheaters, but i guess i did hang on to his company a lot. i liked how happy he made me feel when my boyfriend was accusing me and being a jerk and/or guilt-tripping me for one reason or another. there was no intimacy between us, but i knew there were feelings coming on.

let me address one thing: this coworker wasn't even a factor of me breaking up with my boyfriend. it was a thing that was festering and growing for a long while, and it was a surprise it didn't happen sooner. but when we broke up, i guess i kinda latched on to him. he kept my mind off of the breakup and cheered me up a lot.

now i have a feeling he might like me...i mean, i definitely know i like him. last night, we were snapchatting and he was saying "don't you ever feel scared to tell someone something?" and i agreed and asked him what was up and he replied "idk i don't want the person to know" so i said "ok, well could i help with the situation at all?" and he said "idk how you could help" and we kinda left it at that. i'm not dumb. i am almost positive he was talking about being scared to tell me he likes me. the way he acts around me, i can kinda tell. he treats me a lot differently than other employees and sticks around me as much as possible, always trying to talk and joke with me.

i love this feeling, tbh. the mutual interest but not going after it. the thing is, i'm not sure what i should do. i am NOT gonna lie...i still really miss my old relationship. i wouldn't ever take him back, but we were together a long time and suddenly missing that has taken a toll on me. i know i still hold deep feelings for my ex, and i don't want my coworker to be a rebound. that would be a shitty thing to do. i also don't exactly want to start an open relationship (as in one where people know we're together). i am in NO way ashamed to be with him (if i ever were), but me and him would get so much shit. we already get a lot of shit, and at this particular point in time, i just don't want to deal with it.

idk...should i do something? or just wait and see what happens?

Take it slow.

But clarify what you mean by "you and him get so much shit". How so?

And if you like him and he confesses just tell him you're too bruised from your last relationship and need time to heal, and that you don't want to jump into a relationship because you're afraid you will treat him as a rebound.


Give yourself 2-4 months, then give him a chance if he's still available.

I agree with Uniquemind

If he asks, be honest. Take it slow and don't rush into things,

Too add on to this, I think you could use this time to really grow your friendship with your co-worker. You guys can become even closer . I think great relationships often begin from good friendships. And if he is willing to wait two or four months as your friend before getting to be 'with' you, it shows not only is he really is dedicated but also, he has great character. Best of luck.

Hope this helps ~ The Sheriff

[Taryn98]

If you both seem to like each other, pursue it. Why would you not? The only way to get over someone is to move on and live life.

[maniamsmart]

You deserve to be happy, do not let anyone else tell you otherwise. I have a friend who constantly refuses to let himself be happy with someone because he constantly cares so much about what others will think or say, so I fully encourage you to date him if you really feel like you are ready. And if anyone wants to give you a hard time about, then just ignore them and move on, the true friends that you have will see that you deserve to be happy and will accept the fact that you want to be with someone else, everyone else is irrelevant. Life has enough assholes in this world already, so surround yourself and care about those that don't fall into that category.

Now as for the whole rebound thing, that is something you should be careful about. It certainly does seem like a rebound because of the time frame that you would be dating him considering you just broke up with your boyfriend. But a rebound isn't wholeheartedly defined by time, it's more so defined by feelings. People who have rebounds still have feelings for their ex, and are trying to get rid of those feelings with another person. If you feel like this is happening to you, then I suggest you give it time till you are completely over your ex, because it could hurt your friend, and you. However, if you do feel like you are over your ex, then I'd say it's perfectly fine to move on and date him.

I am not one to tell you though how your feelings are and aren't, you have to know and understand your feelings, and make a rational decision from there on. Hope that helped :)