AstroChris
January 31st, 2016, 10:45 PM
It all started about 5 years ago. I was introduced to this person by one of my two best friends. Lets all this person "bob". They were pretty cool, and seemed to be a little awkward, but a cool person to hang out with. So, bob got "inducted" into our three-person circle pretty fast. Things were going great, and we were having tons of fun, until this happened. In a large group text, we found out that bob had started to cut themselves. Up until this point, tension between one of my two long time best friends and bob had been pretty high. It has been so long, I forget the specifics. But I do remember it got to the point where they literally hated each other, and almost couldn't be in a room together. From that point on, things went downhill. Because I am VERY sympathetic in nature as soon as I found out bob was cutting themselves I did all I could do find out what was going on and try to help Bob. I had no idea what I was doing, and I did try and help bob and show that I was there and cared about them, but it didn't seem to help. At times it would, but not over long periods. That is the backstory. Now we fast forward through the years and I can remember more specific details.
Through the years, bob was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, clinical depression, and something else related to those two. Bob continually got worse, and became more of what you would expect of a depressed, bipolar teen. They began to push people away, cut a lot, and even attempted suicide (now they have attempted multiple times). I was really bobs only go-to person about anything. In the first three years of our friendship, I would actually help. I would tell bob to talk to their parents, and maybe see a counselor. And they would say that they would try! They appreciated my advice, and were genuinely trying to help themselves. It was nice, being a loving friend doing all I could to help my friend, and even getting help in return (bob would always try to ask me about my problems, and I would open up sometimes). But as time went on, things got worse. Bob became more hateful, and closed off to the world. They would constantly be talking about how awful life was and how stupid people were. They even got into drugs. They started vaping, which I advised against since I knew it would lead to worse drugs. They promised me that it would never happen, that they would never do anything like that. But eventually it went to nicotine-containing vape-pens. Then cigarettes. Then weed, and now sometimes even cocaine and apparently ecstasy. They came out as bisexual and agender a while ago, which then changed to just agender, which then changed to agender and gay. Now they use almost exclusively curse words and are very hateful and disrespectful toward everyone, even me. Because of my christian faith, I do not support any of this (just lost some of you, didn't I?), but let me make something clear, even though I don't support this I do not think any less of bob, and still love them just as much as I always have. But no matter how many times I tell bob that and demonstrate it, they always say that I'm just a close-minded cis homophobic prick, just like all the other people. But bob cannot seem to grasp the idea that I can disapprove of this and still want to be friends. They basically hate me for it. No matter what I do or how I try to help bob, all that I get in return is gnashing of teeth and hatred. On very rare occasions do I get a "thank you for all this" or an "I love you too." I feel like I am throwing all of my love and help into a pit, and getting nothing but pain and hatred back. Getting reciprocated help is out of the question now. I even tried to see what would happen when I brought up the fact that I had been devastated by a long-time crush of mine when I was going to visit her, but she decided at the last minute that she "couldn't come." I didn't even get asked what happened. The conversation just kept going as if I hadn't said anything. I have even tried to bring this up, saying that it is hard to be there and love bob when all I get in return is hatred and pushing away. I have said that I am drained and cannot carry this on for much longer if it is going to be so one-sided. But bob acts hurt by this and this is what I get, "how could you say that? I am going through so much right now that I don't have the capacity to give anything back, do you not know that *blank* just happened? And I'm having to deal with this?" Either that or I am just ignored and hit with the latest horrible thing that happened. I have said I will tell an adult or bobs parents, but each time I do I am told by bob that if I do they will never speak to me again, and I don't know what to do anymore. I say that I love bob, that I care about them and want to be friends with them. That I don't want any of this to happen, and will do all I can to help and be there. But no matter what I do, bob either dismisses it or says I'm lying, and that anyone who "pretends" to care is just lying. We have started to talk less, and I am afraid. I am afraid that if I do something big I will be cut off and will shatter bobs trust forever, and bob probably would commit suicide. But if I do nothing then bob will end up spiraling out of control and end up in a mental institution or dead (whether its intentional or not). And if I leave (a very tempting option at this point), I will shatter bobs trust and they will commit suicide. The worst part is that bob doesn't care. Bob doesn't seem to care whether they live or die, whether they will end up crippled or lame, or if they will permanently harm themselves. So, none of what I do can help since they don't care what happens. I am beginning to resent bob. I imagine myself screaming at bob until they realize how terrible of a friend they are, or even physically abusing bob when they are being very annoying or hateful. I do really love bob, and want to help, but it seems impossible now. Bob has even said that they want to end this friendship, and after a long talk which ends in us saying our final goodbyes, I get a text the next day from bob, and they act like literally nothing ever happened, and everything is perfectly normal. When I am with my other friends, I feel free, and refreshed! I have forgotten how nice it is to be with someone and genuinely enjoy myself and feel happy by just being with someone, and how happy it makes me to have fun with "normal" people who care about me. We have grown so different over the course of high school. I am a very happy and positive person who wants to make a difference in the world, and wants to get along with everyone and spread love. Bob is a very negative and hateful person who seems to not care about anything, and doesn't seem to ever want to do anything to change the situation. We just can't relate anymore. What can I do? What options do I have? I do want to stay and help, but I don't know how anymore. Sometimes I just want out.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far, I really do appreciate it. I just sort of wrote things as I thought of them, so its a real train wreck! Any insight is appreciated. Again, thank you so much!! :)
Through the years, bob was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, clinical depression, and something else related to those two. Bob continually got worse, and became more of what you would expect of a depressed, bipolar teen. They began to push people away, cut a lot, and even attempted suicide (now they have attempted multiple times). I was really bobs only go-to person about anything. In the first three years of our friendship, I would actually help. I would tell bob to talk to their parents, and maybe see a counselor. And they would say that they would try! They appreciated my advice, and were genuinely trying to help themselves. It was nice, being a loving friend doing all I could to help my friend, and even getting help in return (bob would always try to ask me about my problems, and I would open up sometimes). But as time went on, things got worse. Bob became more hateful, and closed off to the world. They would constantly be talking about how awful life was and how stupid people were. They even got into drugs. They started vaping, which I advised against since I knew it would lead to worse drugs. They promised me that it would never happen, that they would never do anything like that. But eventually it went to nicotine-containing vape-pens. Then cigarettes. Then weed, and now sometimes even cocaine and apparently ecstasy. They came out as bisexual and agender a while ago, which then changed to just agender, which then changed to agender and gay. Now they use almost exclusively curse words and are very hateful and disrespectful toward everyone, even me. Because of my christian faith, I do not support any of this (just lost some of you, didn't I?), but let me make something clear, even though I don't support this I do not think any less of bob, and still love them just as much as I always have. But no matter how many times I tell bob that and demonstrate it, they always say that I'm just a close-minded cis homophobic prick, just like all the other people. But bob cannot seem to grasp the idea that I can disapprove of this and still want to be friends. They basically hate me for it. No matter what I do or how I try to help bob, all that I get in return is gnashing of teeth and hatred. On very rare occasions do I get a "thank you for all this" or an "I love you too." I feel like I am throwing all of my love and help into a pit, and getting nothing but pain and hatred back. Getting reciprocated help is out of the question now. I even tried to see what would happen when I brought up the fact that I had been devastated by a long-time crush of mine when I was going to visit her, but she decided at the last minute that she "couldn't come." I didn't even get asked what happened. The conversation just kept going as if I hadn't said anything. I have even tried to bring this up, saying that it is hard to be there and love bob when all I get in return is hatred and pushing away. I have said that I am drained and cannot carry this on for much longer if it is going to be so one-sided. But bob acts hurt by this and this is what I get, "how could you say that? I am going through so much right now that I don't have the capacity to give anything back, do you not know that *blank* just happened? And I'm having to deal with this?" Either that or I am just ignored and hit with the latest horrible thing that happened. I have said I will tell an adult or bobs parents, but each time I do I am told by bob that if I do they will never speak to me again, and I don't know what to do anymore. I say that I love bob, that I care about them and want to be friends with them. That I don't want any of this to happen, and will do all I can to help and be there. But no matter what I do, bob either dismisses it or says I'm lying, and that anyone who "pretends" to care is just lying. We have started to talk less, and I am afraid. I am afraid that if I do something big I will be cut off and will shatter bobs trust forever, and bob probably would commit suicide. But if I do nothing then bob will end up spiraling out of control and end up in a mental institution or dead (whether its intentional or not). And if I leave (a very tempting option at this point), I will shatter bobs trust and they will commit suicide. The worst part is that bob doesn't care. Bob doesn't seem to care whether they live or die, whether they will end up crippled or lame, or if they will permanently harm themselves. So, none of what I do can help since they don't care what happens. I am beginning to resent bob. I imagine myself screaming at bob until they realize how terrible of a friend they are, or even physically abusing bob when they are being very annoying or hateful. I do really love bob, and want to help, but it seems impossible now. Bob has even said that they want to end this friendship, and after a long talk which ends in us saying our final goodbyes, I get a text the next day from bob, and they act like literally nothing ever happened, and everything is perfectly normal. When I am with my other friends, I feel free, and refreshed! I have forgotten how nice it is to be with someone and genuinely enjoy myself and feel happy by just being with someone, and how happy it makes me to have fun with "normal" people who care about me. We have grown so different over the course of high school. I am a very happy and positive person who wants to make a difference in the world, and wants to get along with everyone and spread love. Bob is a very negative and hateful person who seems to not care about anything, and doesn't seem to ever want to do anything to change the situation. We just can't relate anymore. What can I do? What options do I have? I do want to stay and help, but I don't know how anymore. Sometimes I just want out.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far, I really do appreciate it. I just sort of wrote things as I thought of them, so its a real train wreck! Any insight is appreciated. Again, thank you so much!! :)