Asexual

[thatonekidjacob]

One of my friends told me he's gay but asexual. What does that mean? :confused:

[Abhorrence]

I'd guess that it means he is romantically attracted to boys, so he likes dating them and having relationships with them but doesn't want to have sex with any gender.

[Sailor Mars]

Asexuality is when you aren't attracted to, or have minimum attraction to, anyone sexually. One can still haveromantic relations, meaning dating etc, but they don't want sexual relations, meaning intercourse etc.

[thatonekidjacob]

He gave me a hug that made my heart dance like a butterfly.

Is he just saying he isn't ready for sex?

[Elysium]

He gave me a hug that made my heart dance like a butterfly.

Is he just saying he isn't ready for sex?
No. Not being ready for sex is different from asexuality. Asexuality is not experiencing sexual attraction or feelings for other people and not desiring sexual intercourse of any sort (though of course asexuality is a spectrum like anything else). Asexuality is an identifier on its own, not a phase in life (though I'm sure for some people it can be, but let's differentiate between the two).

[UNKNOWN8198]

Sounds like someone has a crush ;) If he says that he's asexual, then you're going to have to accept that he's not interested in sex, however he can still be romantically attracted to you if he's gay. Also, as Elysium pointed it is on a spectrum, and unless you know where he views himself on that spectrum, you don't know what he's willing to do. Also being asexual doesn't mean you can't/don't have sex, just that you have no interest in sex at all; I know asexual people who are in relationships but have sex for their partners benefit, they just don't derive any pleasure, or have any interest in it.

Finally, I am in no place to label him given I know only what you've put in front of me, however If it made it easier to think about, I think instead of 'gay', given that clashes with 'asexual', it may be easier to think of him as 'homo-romantic asexual'. However, given he goes by 'gay but asexual', that's what you have to go by as well unless he tells you otherwise.

[thatonekidjacob]

I'm soooooo crushing on him. I know he likes hugs because we are total hug buddies. I don't know what to do or how to go farther.

[warbit]

See what happens, don't force anything as it may give the wrong impression

[UNKNOWN8198]

Unfortunately, being someone with an uncanny ability to crush on straight guys, gay guys with boyfriends, or guys on the internet, I am unable to be of much help in this area ;).

In an attempt to be helpful though, do you notice if he is different around you than with other people, like with the hugging?? If he's just a very 'huggy' person then it may not mean anything, but if he does it far more with you than other people then it sounds like he may have a crush on you as well, in which case I pass the baton on to someone else to explain how to proceed as I don't have a f*cking clue (to say the very least. If I was in your position I personally would probably ignore him for the rest of my life for fear of messing things up, thus messing things up, so I'm not even going to suggest anything further ;))

[Karkat]

Like others have said, asexuality means that he's not interested in sex. While there are degrees of that (I'm personally grey-asexual, the more technical term for "still might kinda want sex, but only in some circumstances" basically- it can mean anything from "I get horny, but don't want to ever have sex" to "I can masturbate and fantasize, but don't want to do the do" to "I only have sex when a strong emotional bond is present" to "I rarely experience sexual attraction, but still do" to any other number of things.) the best way to look at it would be that he probably will not want to have sex with you.

He might be interested in dating guys, or find them attractive, but be uninterested in a sexual relationship.

As far as the hug thing goes, it could mean he has interest in you, it could mean he's just an affectionate guy. Personally, I wouldn't grill him on either subject. I wouldn't even really discuss it unless you're close, he might not feel comfortable going into details or might just actually be an affectionate guy and feel bad for having gave the wrong impression.

Don't pressure him into anything, and if you feel the time is right, you can try tactfully asking about it, I guess.

I'm not great with relationship advice so anyone can feel free to tell me I have no idea what the fuck I'm saying :P

[ptz7649]

he is not sexually attracted to any gender, but romantically attracted to men.

[thatonekidjacob]

Okay so he isn't completly un-sexual. He just wants to go really slow and be really sure about things.