Loneliness

[Tesserax]

I don't think what I feel is normal. I literally feel a void tearing me apart. Before you ask yes I've tried a lot of the generic things, but I can't shake this loneliness. I have found the root of it however. I have a lot of good friends, but what I never had was a best friend. In the short time I had a girlfriend, she filled that hole and everything was well, but after we broke up everything slowly began to fall apart. I just don't know how to deal with it. I don't have somebody that I feel I can share everything with, like literally every detail of my life, every joy, every failure, and have somebody actually care and listen, and then do the same for them. Companionship of a sorts. To any have watched the movie "Mr. Holmes", I feel that my case is similar in a way. Not in the cause, but in the effect. My life feels empty, dreary, and somewhat meaningless without somebody close to share this life with. I can't shake it.

I don't know what I'm trying to get at with this post to be honest. Part of me is just ranting, part of me is pleading, hoping that somebody has something to say that can really help. And before you suggest the other users, as much as I love you guys, I don't think I could just find somebody on here and then just become best buds, I'm sorry and I mean no offence by it, I just don't know.

But thank you to those who bothered to read it, I'm not sure where to go from here. But as always, good luck in your ventures, and may you be guided for Eternity

[amgb]

Hi Aaron~ I'm going to be honest and say that I've never been good at giving advice, and I apologise if anything I say is unhelpful in any way. But this does not mean that I don't try, I still try and I have always tried to be of at least a little bit of encouragement to someone. I relate to how you're feeling, about having a best friend. For the major part of primary school, I never had that best friend who I could talk to about everything and anything. I've felt it, and I see your loneliness. It's powerful and it tears you up inside. In the past I also used to think certain feelings weren't normal, but I've slowly learned that what we see as normal to us, might not be to others. For me, I think what you're feeling is normal because I've felt it and it's something normal to me. But if anyone tells you that what you're feeling is 'abnormal' or 'stupid' or 'wrong', don't ever let them knock you down completely. Because your feelings are yours to feel, nobody owns you, and it's okay to feel. I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend..sometimes our romantic relationships do fill up our empty holes. Good friends fill up the hole too but never as much as a best friend can. You don't have to find someone here to be best buddies with, I think it's better to find someone outside of vt who you can have a close and concrete relationship with. Definitely alot easier said than done, but don't be afraid of starting new. Your good friends can still be the friends they've always been, and perhaps you can try building a stronger friendship with one of them. Take a risk, let someone you trust into your heart and see what happens. Luck could play a part, in that when you reach out to someone you could end up finding someone else in the void. But I think it's about working hard towards making a connection to someone who you want to make it with. Putting your heart into that, and what happens will happen. If there's any kind of rejection whatsoever, it will be hard not to let it overpower you, however you are not what people make of you. You are what you make of yourself, and what you choose to give yourself in life always has the chance of changing things for the better. Believe in your possibilities, not your failures~