bfldworker
January 24th, 2016, 03:38 AM
Before I start I don't know if this is the right area for such a topic, so moderators, sorry if it is in the wrong forum.
If this seems like the ramblings of a crazy person, I am sorry. I am still trying to process all of this information.
Ok, how should I start.. All my life I thought my mom was my biological mother. My brother and sister have thought the same thing. Tonight I was going through the attic looking for a old computer of my dad's (Color Computer 3), when I came across a wedding album. I thought, ok cool. Mom and Dad's wedding album, let's take a look. Thought it would be interesting to see what mom and dad looked like a few years older than I am. I opened it up and saw dad and another woman. I didn't recognise the woman. So I came down stairs and showed my brother and he asked who that was, He didn't know.
So I approached dad. I had the album and showed him. He went ghost white. Which took me off guard. Dad doesn't do that. He doesn't get phased by much. He was at the World Trade Center on 9/11, got hurt bad and saw stuff that would scare the most hardened Marine. So you can understand my surprise.
He and i have always had a excellent relationship, I have always been able to ask him ANYTHING, he and I hang out all the time. Where he goes I go. We are friends.
After a few moments he teared up and tried to explain to me. He asked for a few minutes. He went up to the room my brother and I share and said he needed to talk to all of us. He called in our sister and she sat down. He want to wait to tell us until we were older and didn't expect anyone to come across the album.
The person in the album is his first wife and our mother. She died of a massive stroke a few months after my sister was born in August 2003. And the woman we know as mom is his second wife.
After what seems like forever both Paul (my brother) and I asked why did he ever tell us at the same time. He said he didn't know how to explain it to us, and he was worried about this revelation could hurt the relationship between our mother and us. I do understand that to a extent.
He then started to tell us what he believed caused the stroke. Apparently our biological mother was addicted to Xanax and a "raging alcoholic" with violent explosions when she didn't get what she wanted. He said when she found out she was pregnant that she quit cold turkey. But that he loved her so much that he felt that if he divorced her she would completely self destruct. Then after she had Paul he felt he needed to be a buffer between us and her. He never thought about leaving her and divorcing her. And that after she died suddenly he focused on raising us. He met mom in 2004 and after they got engaged she took on the mantle of mom ever since.
I am confused, surprised, hurt and wondering about who she was and what she was like. My brother is shocked and trying to sort all of it out. He is dealing with it better then me and my sister is shocked as well. But we all want to know the one thing. Who she is and what she is like.
I honestly don't know what to think. I don't remember her, and neither do my brother and sister. But I am finding a strong desire to find out everything about her. Don't get me wrong. I love Mom, and I find what she did by raising 3 kids as her own, loving us as her own and being there for everything. But now it feels like I have a void, a piece is missing. After seeing how dad was when he was trying to explain everything, I don't know if I can ask him those questions right now. I love him, and I still trust him. I just hope that this doesn't wreck anything between mom and us.
I just don't know what to think. I want to know everything about her, but I am also scared to know because of how she was.
I really don't know how to express how I totally feel. The one question for her is why would she do what she did when she had children. Why she never tried to get help. And the one question for dad is why the fuck would he stick around someone so addicted to drugs and alcohol and someone so prone to violent outbreaks. He could have left her at anytime and saved himself a lot trouble. And yeah, I am pissed about it. But I don't think I am pissed at him. So many emotions, so many feelings.
What the fuck
If this seems like the ramblings of a crazy person, I am sorry. I am still trying to process all of this information.
Ok, how should I start.. All my life I thought my mom was my biological mother. My brother and sister have thought the same thing. Tonight I was going through the attic looking for a old computer of my dad's (Color Computer 3), when I came across a wedding album. I thought, ok cool. Mom and Dad's wedding album, let's take a look. Thought it would be interesting to see what mom and dad looked like a few years older than I am. I opened it up and saw dad and another woman. I didn't recognise the woman. So I came down stairs and showed my brother and he asked who that was, He didn't know.
So I approached dad. I had the album and showed him. He went ghost white. Which took me off guard. Dad doesn't do that. He doesn't get phased by much. He was at the World Trade Center on 9/11, got hurt bad and saw stuff that would scare the most hardened Marine. So you can understand my surprise.
He and i have always had a excellent relationship, I have always been able to ask him ANYTHING, he and I hang out all the time. Where he goes I go. We are friends.
After a few moments he teared up and tried to explain to me. He asked for a few minutes. He went up to the room my brother and I share and said he needed to talk to all of us. He called in our sister and she sat down. He want to wait to tell us until we were older and didn't expect anyone to come across the album.
The person in the album is his first wife and our mother. She died of a massive stroke a few months after my sister was born in August 2003. And the woman we know as mom is his second wife.
After what seems like forever both Paul (my brother) and I asked why did he ever tell us at the same time. He said he didn't know how to explain it to us, and he was worried about this revelation could hurt the relationship between our mother and us. I do understand that to a extent.
He then started to tell us what he believed caused the stroke. Apparently our biological mother was addicted to Xanax and a "raging alcoholic" with violent explosions when she didn't get what she wanted. He said when she found out she was pregnant that she quit cold turkey. But that he loved her so much that he felt that if he divorced her she would completely self destruct. Then after she had Paul he felt he needed to be a buffer between us and her. He never thought about leaving her and divorcing her. And that after she died suddenly he focused on raising us. He met mom in 2004 and after they got engaged she took on the mantle of mom ever since.
I am confused, surprised, hurt and wondering about who she was and what she was like. My brother is shocked and trying to sort all of it out. He is dealing with it better then me and my sister is shocked as well. But we all want to know the one thing. Who she is and what she is like.
I honestly don't know what to think. I don't remember her, and neither do my brother and sister. But I am finding a strong desire to find out everything about her. Don't get me wrong. I love Mom, and I find what she did by raising 3 kids as her own, loving us as her own and being there for everything. But now it feels like I have a void, a piece is missing. After seeing how dad was when he was trying to explain everything, I don't know if I can ask him those questions right now. I love him, and I still trust him. I just hope that this doesn't wreck anything between mom and us.
I just don't know what to think. I want to know everything about her, but I am also scared to know because of how she was.
I really don't know how to express how I totally feel. The one question for her is why would she do what she did when she had children. Why she never tried to get help. And the one question for dad is why the fuck would he stick around someone so addicted to drugs and alcohol and someone so prone to violent outbreaks. He could have left her at anytime and saved himself a lot trouble. And yeah, I am pissed about it. But I don't think I am pissed at him. So many emotions, so many feelings.
What the fuck