my complicated boyfriend

[Jane Eyre]

hey guys... i need some advice... i am in a relationship with this boy whom i met a few months ago... he loves me very much and is quite serious about me and i like him too... but i m not happy... we were going smoothly in the beginning but now things have changed way too much... he is a nice guy and he cares for me but he's very possessive about me and is himself very much insecure... he always has a weird thing of crying before me about how miserable he is and how he will forever be unhappy and all that stuff... sure, i sympathize with him and i really want to help him out with my sincere efforts but no matter how much I try to cheer him up or make him feel special, he always ends up blaming me for his miseries and telling me how much of a pain in the neck I am... he argues with me over petty issues and expects me to listen to his whims... but he never, not even once, did try to listen to my feelings and understand my situation... i used to ignore this side of his initially coz i thought he loves me and so confides in me... but now its starting to be unbearable for me... his insecurities are kind of killing this relationship... he makes me feel miserable... he calls me a selfish girl inspite of my doing a lot many things just to make him happy... i sure like him but
I am starting to regret this relationship... we don't have any mutual respect... i simply want to be distant from him for a few months... but this is my first relationship and i don't know how to handle these problems... and worse, it is affecting my peace of mind and even my studies... i can't find time for him with school and tuitions yet he refuses to understand my situation and instead calls me a fake... i am simply fed up of all these... but i am scared of hurting him... he is very sensitive and emotional so anything on my part would come as a big blow to him... i have come to know him very well and he is emotionally very much vulnerable... I want us to just remain friends for now without any commitments but he will definitely misunderstand me...
please help me... I am stuck here...

[Zachary G]

His self esteem issues are more that what you are able to handle on your own and its beginning to have an affect on your self esteem and thats not good. There is no good/safe way to tell him that you want to take a break because he is going to take it as a personal attack. Your best bet is to to just let him know that its not working between you, no matter how hard you try, but reassure him that you do have feelings for him. You have to let him know that you just cant do it anymore and thats all there is to it. Be prepared for him to lash out at you and call you all kinds of names, but dont let that make you feel guilty or anything. You have to do what is best for you and not what is best for him only. I have always been told, "if you cant love and respect yourself, how do you expect anyone else to do it", and he needs to learn that. Call it quits and stay single for awhile.

[ImagineRepublicCity]

Hey, if this guy is literally blaming you for his problems I would totally just tell him to go fuck himself (but don't say that)

You should never feel in any way in a relationship that someones self esteem problems or mental health is your fault. If it gets to the point where it weighs you down or makes you very anxious or upset, I suppose it's best to break up.

If it's making you regret, if you want to be distant from him for more than like, a month, and if it's starting to effect your mental health and studies, you should consider. I've regretted lots of relationships before, purely because I acted with my hormones, and you feel so much better being single again, like a huge cloud just disappears from the sky and you can breathe and see a clear sky.

And you shouldn't feel bad for breaking up with him. If it happens, it happens. You should always think about yourself before others because you are the most important person in your life. Good luck :3

[Uniquemind]

This is an abusive relationship, get out and end it and don't worry about hurting his feelings.

This is a dynamic situations with a lot of variables in play, and it sounds like you're with a guy who can't control their emotions and has communication issues not at expression, but issues on the receptive side.

I'm not saying you're flawless either, there are probably things about you that might contribute to this toxic mess of a relationship but the main point is your in a powerless position to fix the problem when it's going to take two and a big one is him.


Keep in mind though that when you do things for guys, that they are aware of what you do for them, and that they secretly aren't things you do for yourself that you are projecting are valuable to him.

Ex: cleaning up after him.

If you clean up after him, but he doesn't mind living in a pig stable mess then he might not see value in what you do for him.

[dbfordateam]

I've been in relationships like this, it is best to let them go, as hard as it is to do, you need to do it. If your happiness is jeopardized than it isn't worth it. I've been in too many of these types of relationships (giving and receiving end) to know.

[Jane Eyre]

His self esteem issues are more that what you are able to handle on your own and its beginning to have an affect on your self esteem and thats not good. There is no good/safe way to tell him that you want to take a break because he is going to take it as a personal attack. Your best bet is to to just let him know that its not working between you, no matter how hard you try, but reassure him that you do have feelings for him. You have to let him know that you just cant do it anymore and thats all there is to it. Be prepared for him to lash out at you and call you all kinds of names, but dont let that make you feel guilty or anything. You have to do what is best for you and not what is best for him only. I have always been told, "if you cant love and respect yourself, how do you expect anyone else to do it", and he needs to learn that. Call it quits and stay single for awhile.

ya i totally agree with what u said... he needs to love himself first then expect me... i will try to act on ur suggestions...

[Jane Eyre]

hey everyone thanks for your answers... I will surely try to act on your suggestions...

[SillyShyGuy]

I think it might be best to leave him. This is not a healthy relationship and you should break up with him. He does not appreciate all that you do for him. By trying to make him happy, in return, he makes you unhappy.

[Jane Eyre]

I think it might be best to leave him. This is not a healthy relationship and you should break up with him. He does not appreciate all that you do for him. By trying to make him happy, in return, he makes you unhappy.

yes you are right but as i said, this is my first relationship and I don't know how to break up... I have genuine feelings for him and thinking of break up makes my heart ache...

[Uniquemind]

yes you are right but as i said, this is my first relationship and I don't know how to break up... I have genuine feelings for him and thinking of break up makes my heart ache...

That's normal.

The first step would be to find a trusted girlfriend, and make plans on staying with them because if you live together there's a chance he'll kick you out of anger.

(This is the primary reason I don't support couples living together it leaves one stranded and beholden to economic factors).