need advice

[Karactacus]

i've been struggling with bullshit since i was like 13
my parents found out just over a year ago and so i started seeing a doctor through camhs.
camhs was a pretty stressful thing for me.
i attempted suicide in mid-december 2015, failed, and during my 'check up' with the doctor about a week ago, they closed my case
i didnt ever get a diagnosis, or any kind of help for it outside of a bimonthly appointment which basically consisted of being told that its just hormones or that i dont sleep enough.
at one point i felt so bad that i was spent an entire week of school shaking and avoiding everyone, because i was convinced that they weren't real.
i told my doctor about it and she said that she didnt know what i was talking about, and that it was probably because i play video games (she asked what i did for fun).
i self harmed frequently from when i was 13 years of age, 'stopped' half a year ago but i still relapse every so often
i feel cheated, hopeless and angry

am i overreacting? being realistic this is only half of the story i guess. i have times when im happy, when im around friends or when im doing something im good at, but overall i feel like crap a lot of the time. i also get random times when i feel really confident and happy, which coincided with some of my appointments.

i'd like some advice on what i should do next. i want to know if i should try and get back into camhs, or try and solve these problems independently
sorry for the wall of text, and thanks

[dzoni]

I get you. I can't say I'm the same, but I do get what you are feeling, because I experienced this.

We all feel crap. If I were to tell you my burdens, you'd probably kill yourself for me. Not that you should do that ever.

I can tell you, I had suicidal thoughts, but every time I think about them, I remember I haven't done half of the things I want to do. So. The solution to this is that, there is a point, a line which you deliberately cross when you think about suicide, like the mind asks you if you want to cross it. Don't cross it.

Second, you keep telling yourself you have nothing to live for, well you are full of BS.

One thing in life taught me that everything happens for a reason, I lived through some very rough life changing situations, in which I had no belief, no hope, nothing, complete darkness. And every time I managed to come out on top.

How I kill my depression, I look forward to small things, weather it's a new TV show or something in my life, I try to talk to people, try not to look at the future capture the present, enjoy it. I think about my life, try to find solutions and reasons. When I can't, I think about something else. I think about a girl that makes me happy, about my advances, about work (I like my work).

As for camhs or whatever it's called, here we have no such thing. So I can't advise you on weather you should or shouldn't go.

All I can say is happiness comes from the inside. Also find a place that makes you happy, weather it's a bench in a middle of a part, or some room, somewhere that you feel happy and free and independent.

[dbfordateam]

Life gets easier... dont give up, everyone has down falls, some people just experience them differently. Surround yourself with positives (music, friends, movies, family), dont push away the ones you love and who love you (they are your biggest asset)