If I disappeared

[tovaris]

If I disappeared newer to be found again... Would you notice?

(obviously the question isn't directed at the awdiance, you don't even know me, but...)

What i want to know is: Are you tempted to ask your friends this? does it often play again and again in your mind, "would anyone notice if i disappeared "? Have you ever actuly asked someone this?

[Abhorrence]

Yeah, I guess I question it in my mind a lot. Sometimes I feel as though my presence in groups is completely irrelevant and I feel as though I am unwanted and unneeded there. Sometimes, when I have bad suicidal thoughts, I sit back and truly think that nobody would care if I were to go but sometimes when I express these feelings I am told that I do matter, etc. But I still don't overly believe it - I try to but it's hard.

[Fiction]

I've thought this so many time through out my life.

I remember when I was younger being sure people would actually be better off if I didn't exist.

Honestly it's re-emerged the last few months. I live by myself and the only person who regularly checks in with me is my boyfriend who lives 400 miles away... if it wasn't for him, no one would notice for days which I guess is pretty depressing. But I suppose i've just learnt not to equate how much someone cares or would/wouldnt be upset with how often they check in with me :) And honestly, I like living alone.