Girl trying to make my bf cheat

[sunnyme]

Hey !

Just to run something by you : I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and this girl, let's call her Pearl, has been his best friend on and off. One year they were a sort of couple, v. close, sharing stuff.. then Pearl ended "it". The year after, I started to become close to this guy, from friends we became a couple and that was it. I will admit that during this whole relationship which began October the 6th 2014, I broke up twice with him for stupid reasons. However, I am in love with him, there is no doubt about it. During our last break, I talked to Pearl and even admitted to her-to her complete shock- that I was quite jealous of her as she was very close to him. She stated that there was absolutely nothing going on btw them and wouldn't be ( even though no one thought we were going to get back together). During the last holidays, I went away for the whole two weeks. The first day I was away, she begged my bf to go and see her at her house because she missed her best friend. As he is very nice, he went. However, while he was there, she tried to kiss him twice at two different intervals and later on, let her hands wander.. even though each time he rejected her and she immediately started crying after each rejection.
My bf felt guilty so told me about it. The problem is, as she couldn't stop crying, he agreed when she said to please keep it btw them. Therefore, she doesn't know I know.
She is in my class and everyday acts completely normal. She charms people and everyone calls her an angel. She doesn't look remorseful at all.
I have asked my bf to tell her he told me but he hasn't yet.

I feel like I am going crazy. I mean I know its not of great importance and I think I should just let it go as it is not really about me and I trust my bf but as the same time I feel so angry and frustrated : I feel as if she thinks she can do whatever she wants while treating people like s***.
Am I exaggerating ? Should I shut up as it is not about me ?
I don't want to tell people as that would be disrespect.
Thank you for your comments or advice on how to

[Vanilla Cupcake]

First of all, that girl is a bitch for doing that and I doubt she will ever change. I bet she will do it again.

As for your BF, he should never have gone to see her. I'm fully against guys hanging out with other girls one on one. What purpose does it serve? Why does he need to hang out privately with other females? He doesnt't!! That's what his male friends are for!
He also just proved WHY it should never be aloud, because shit can happen.
If he pulls that shit again, I would dump his cheating ass, I would have probably dumped him already because he has no willpower and he might not be able to be trusted either.

Sorry for being so blunt.

[ClaraWho]

First of all, that girl is a bitch for doing that and I doubt she will ever change. I bet she will do it again.

As for your BF, he should never have gone to see her. I'm fully against guys hanging out with other girls one on one. What purpose does it serve? Why does he need to hang out privately with other females? He doesnt't!! That's what his male friends are for!
He also just proved WHY it should never be aloud, because shit can happen.
If he pulls that shit again, I would dump his cheating ass, I would have probably dumped him already because he has no willpower and he might not be able to be trusted either.

Sorry for being so blunt.

I'll get to the reason for quoting the above in a minute.

In terms of your situation, what's done is done. Whilst it was low of her to make a physical move on your boyfriend, you can't change her potential feelings towards him. You can't stop him reciprocating feelings/desire for her either, although that doesn't appear to be the case. She's clearly got a lot of problems going on in her life, and if not for her actions being towards your boyfriend, I imagine you'd have sympathy for her.

Your boyfriend didn't do anything with her, openly sharing everything with you. Try to work out your insecurities, why do you feel inadequate compared to her that he would want to leave you? This is your problem primarily, although understandable.

In response to the post I quoted, I have to say I completely disagree. In illustration of this, does this mean bisexual partners can never be alone with any friend, in case '[email protected]!' happens?

Relationships involve trust as their foundation. As you get older, sometimes you only have time to meet up with one friend, or you are really close (like here) and have very personal conversations. These are the best type of friends.

I appreciate some people were raised segregated from interaction with the opposite gender, and view them only as potential partners, however most people just treat them like, well... other people; a unique personality that you either like/dislike.

I can promise if you are paranoid and forbid your partner from being near/alone with the opposite gender, you will end up alone. Nobody has time for someone who controls their friend choices and has extreme lack of trust in them.

Anyway, OP, lastly you don't have to say why but you can just ignore her. Take the higher ground, the view is lovely!

~ Clara

[Vanilla Cupcake]

I'll get to the reason for quoting the above in a minute.

In terms of your situation, what's done is done. Whilst it was low of her to make a physical move on your boyfriend, you can't change her potential feelings towards him. You can't stop him reciprocating feelings/desire for her either, although that doesn't appear to be the case. She's clearly got a lot of problems going on in her life, and if not for her actions being towards your boyfriend, I imagine you'd have sympathy for her.

Your boyfriend didn't do anything with her, openly sharing everything with you. Try to work out your insecurities, why do you feel inadequate compared to her that he would want to leave you? This is your problem primarily, although understandable.

In response to the post I quoted, I have to say I completely disagree. In illustration of this, does this mean bisexual partners can never be alone with any friend, in case '[email protected]!' happens?

Relationships involve trust as their foundation. As you get older, sometimes you only have time to meet up with one friend, or you are really close (like here) and have very personal conversations. These are the best type of friends.

I appreciate some people were raised segregated from interaction with the opposite gender, and view them only as potential partners, however most people just treat them like, well... other people; a unique personality that you either like/dislike.

I can promise if you are paranoid and forbid your partner from being near/alone with the opposite gender, you will end up alone. Nobody has time for someone who controls their friend choices and has extreme lack of trust in them.

Anyway, OP, lastly you don't have to say why but you can just ignore her. Take the higher ground, the view is lovely!

~ Clara

Hey Clara, I can't really answer that question because I'm not bisexual and I've never met any bisexuals and I don't really understand the whole bisexual thing.
If a person is female bi, who do they marry? A Male or a female?

Each to their own, I'm not all that experienced in the relationship department I just know what would and wouldn't bother me.

I know I have lots to learn and will figure it all out as I go.

[AutumnWinds]

i'd let your bf know what she is doing upsets you, but otherwise just trust that he will do right by you. he seems to be pretty honest telling you in the first place.

Hey !

Just to run something by you : I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and this girl, let's call her Pearl, has been his best friend on and off. One year they were a sort of couple, v. close, sharing stuff.. then Pearl ended "it". The year after, I started to become close to this guy, from friends we became a couple and that was it. I will admit that during this whole relationship which began October the 6th 2014, I broke up twice with him for stupid reasons. However, I am in love with him, there is no doubt about it. During our last break, I talked to Pearl and even admitted to her-to her complete shock- that I was quite jealous of her as she was very close to him. She stated that there was absolutely nothing going on btw them and wouldn't be ( even though no one thought we were going to get back together). During the last holidays, I went away for the whole two weeks. The first day I was away, she begged my bf to go and see her at her house because she missed her best friend. As he is very nice, he went. However, while he was there, she tried to kiss him twice at two different intervals and later on, let her hands wander.. even though each time he rejected her and she immediately started crying after each rejection.
My bf felt guilty so told me about it. The problem is, as she couldn't stop crying, he agreed when she said to please keep it btw them. Therefore, she doesn't know I know.
She is in my class and everyday acts completely normal. She charms people and everyone calls her an angel. She doesn't look remorseful at all.
I have asked my bf to tell her he told me but he hasn't yet.

I feel like I am going crazy. I mean I know its not of great importance and I think I should just let it go as it is not really about me and I trust my bf but as the same time I feel so angry and frustrated : I feel as if she thinks she can do whatever she wants while treating people like s***.
Am I exaggerating ? Should I shut up as it is not about me ?
I don't want to tell people as that would be disrespect.
Thank you for your comments or advice on how to

[Uranus]

Your boyfriend needs to understand that hes some nothing wrong. He's in a relationship. Best friends or not, she has no right to do what she's doing. And if she's going to interfere with your relationship, then he needs to avoid her. Because if she is best friends with him, no matter what her desires are, she needs to understand and respect the fact hes in a relationship, and back off with these choices. Being best friends is fine. But trying to be sexual or anything like that, is not acceptable. And not something a friend should do.

[SillyShyGuy]

As a victim of being cheated on I have the right to say that being cheated on is perhaps one of the worse feelings when it comes to dating. I moved on and did not let it bring me down. But I can imagine your frustration. You should confront your demons and decide whether it is safe to continue this relationship or make some changes.

[Uniquemind]

Hey !

Just to run something by you : I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and this girl, let's call her Pearl, has been his best friend on and off. One year they were a sort of couple, v. close, sharing stuff.. then Pearl ended "it". The year after, I started to become close to this guy, from friends we became a couple and that was it. I will admit that during this whole relationship which began October the 6th 2014, I broke up twice with him for stupid reasons. However, I am in love with him, there is no doubt about it. During our last break, I talked to Pearl and even admitted to her-to her complete shock- that I was quite jealous of her as she was very close to him. She stated that there was absolutely nothing going on btw them and wouldn't be ( even though no one thought we were going to get back together). During the last holidays, I went away for the whole two weeks. The first day I was away, she begged my bf to go and see her at her house because she missed her best friend. As he is very nice, he went. However, while he was there, she tried to kiss him twice at two different intervals and later on, let her hands wander.. even though each time he rejected her and she immediately started crying after each rejection.
My bf felt guilty so told me about it. The problem is, as she couldn't stop crying, he agreed when she said to please keep it btw them. Therefore, she doesn't know I know.
She is in my class and everyday acts completely normal. She charms people and everyone calls her an angel. She doesn't look remorseful at all.
I have asked my bf to tell her he told me but he hasn't yet.

I feel like I am going crazy. I mean I know its not of great importance and I think I should just let it go as it is not really about me and I trust my bf but as the same time I feel so angry and frustrated : I feel as if she thinks she can do whatever she wants while treating people like s***.
Am I exaggerating ? Should I shut up as it is not about me ?
I don't want to tell people as that would be disrespect.
Thank you for your comments or advice on how to

First of all, that girl is a bitch for doing that and I doubt she will ever change. I bet she will do it again.

As for your BF, he should never have gone to see her. I'm fully against guys hanging out with other girls one on one. What purpose does it serve? Why does he need to hang out privately with other females? He doesnt't!! That's what his male friends are for!
He also just proved WHY it should never be aloud, because shit can happen.
If he pulls that shit again, I would dump his cheating ass, I would have probably dumped him already because he has no willpower and he might not be able to be trusted either.

Sorry for being so blunt.

vanillacupcake
The boyfriend didn't cheat, he was just innocently naive and was not reading the romantic urge tension coming from "pearl" onto him.

But you are not to place blame or call the boyfriend a cheater, it takes two to cheat and if one person rebuff's or rejects the other then there was not a two-way connection for cheating to occur.

sunnyme
The fault resides in "pearl" violating the code of friendship with him, and also with you if she is a friend of sorts as well.

You're in a good position of the knowledgable observer, you get a lot of power knowing and patiently watching her behavior and intentions, but I wouldn't stress to much over the issue. This is one of those case were trusting your boyfriend to handle his own friendships and how they cause ripple effects in the relationship you share.

There's nothing wrong with letting "pearl" believe her secret attempts of seducing the boyfriend are unknown to you.
Truth be told part of the reason you want to see remorse for her actions is a territorial response steeped in a mild emotional sense of revenge and insecurity yourself. You fear this other woman has power to take something from you.
Like Clarawho said, take the high road here.

[sunnyme]

Thank you for all your comments !

First of all, I trust my boyfriend completely and it is true that I might be feeling insecure as she has already had a relationship with him in the past and that everyone thinks she's perfect. However, she has hurt other people in the past and that is also why I felt as if I needed to seek revenge.
Anyway, I really do want to take the high road and your answers confirmed my beliefs ! (even though sometimes I feel as if an angel and a devil are battling inside my head to see who will win ;) )