Am I just in denial?

[Abemoorr]

This has been really destroying me inside, I don't know if I am in denial or what's going on with me. Hopefully someone here can point me in the right direction, b/c I haven't figured it out on my own.

For as long as I can remember, I've never had a sexual desire or attraction to men. I just never had. Im positive that I'm not emotionally or romantically attracted to men, not now or in my entire life. But lately I have started to become sexually attracted to men, but only when watching porn.

I guess it started 2years ago, I began watching transgender porn, from there it just went downwards. All my porn tastes became extreme, started heterosexual, lesbian, domination, rape, transgender, sissy and then gay.

The thought that I was gay entered my mind when I was stoned with some best friends and they said "they knew I was gay", I don't know if they meant it or not, but then they'd always give me shit about being gay. But literally every group of male friends do that in our culture. But when they said that, I literally began dissecting every aspect of my life. I've always had extreme social anxiety, but this changed me. I was so worried about being gay I became conscious of literally everything. I thought people were talking about me, or that I knew that they knew. In my previous sexual encounters I had such bad sexual anxiety I couldn't even get it up, fear of being to small, not experienced. Then I felt that the reason was because I was gay. Then my porn changed and I watched a lot of gay porn all the time. I was then completely convinced and just wanted to live my life, I didn't care if I was gay or not. So, I had sex with a man and I remember the entire time during it I wished it was over, but now it turns me on thinking about it. I've always found humiliation and submission porn a turn on so I blamed it on that.

I can't tell if I'm making excuses or what anymore. I honestly believe that I like girls, I've always dreamed about marrying one and finding the perfect one, having a family. But when I get horny and masturbate it winds up being the opposite, I watch gay or transgender or sissy porn. Then I feel depressed afterwards. It's almost as if porn is what is making me gay, without it I'd never be attracted to men, I never am attracted to them in public. But then I think porn is showing me my true sexuality and because I suppress it in public, I let it out in private.

I really don't care what I am, it's just destroying me.

[Vermilion]

Only you can label yourself. It's all about time and what you feel deep down

[ECSTASY]

You can experience more , it takes time to know yourself and it even takes time to accept yourself . I found out that im gay when i was 16 , i've had feelings since the age of 13 and i accepted myself as a gay just a few month ago!
But whatever you are , you are born to live happily and enjoy . Dont be shy of your personality . People are just looking for a negative point to judge , don't take them serious .And gather a group of supportive people . It might take time . I found mine 2 month ago :)

[UNKNOWN8198]

For a start, you need to stop worrying about what your friends are calling you. Unless you hooked up with a guy in front of them they have nothing to base calling you gay on, apart from a bunch of stereotypes which are more often wrong that right, so don't worry about their opinions. Also, don't worry about what porn you watch. Given how unrealistic most of it is, and the vast amount of hormones gushing through your system, what you decide to jack off to doesn't decide what your sexuality is.

If you truly don't mind what your sexuality is, then I think you need to take a step back and evaluate what you find sexually attractive. I would suggest doing something like searching '50 hottest males' and '50 hottest females' and looking at the images for nothing but sexual attraction, but try to be completely honest with yourself. Ignore any emotional or romantic attraction you may have because that's a subset of your sexuality (like 'bi-romantic heterosexual' for example). I spent a lot of time trying to figure out my sexuality because I did have an emotional attraction to some girls, and had a very big crush on one, but had no sexual or physical attraction at all. I could still imagine spending my life with her though, which just confused things a hell of a lot. Because of this for me, I identify properly as a 'bi-romantic homosexual', however I just go with gay cause it's easier and I'd prefer a physical relationship (if I ever have one).

I would also suggest imagining having sex with either gender, and in either position (everyone has their preferences) This was a big pointer for me cause I could not imagine doing it with a girl, whereas a guy was far easier and more enjoyable. Important here though is that you need to do it 'stress free', so without any of the difficulties you've previously

Just remember that cause you are full of hormones, this could pass, and you could start liking dogs instead (not suggested ;)). Also, one thing I notice you didn't talk about was the possibility of being bisexual(/pan/demi/etc...). That is always a possibility. If you decide you like guys, congrats your gay, if you decide you like girls, congrats your straight, and if you decide you like both in varying amounts then congrats your bi/pan/demi/etc. Just remember as well that this is not 'right, I am ___', you can change your mind as many times/often as you want to. Sure your friends might get a bit pissed at you for changing your mind, but if they really are your friends they wont really care, and you are the only important person in this dialogue. New friends can be found however mental health is a far harder thing to fix.

Hope that was of some help, sorry seemed to drivel. Please feel free to chat if you want to, or post more q's if you have them. Keep us updated on how your doing as well if you can :)

(I also very much agree with ECSTASY as well)

[northy]

This has been really destroying me inside, I don't know if I am in denial or what's going on with me. Hopefully someone here can point me in the right direction, b/c I haven't figured it out on my own.

For as long as I can remember, I've never had a sexual desire or attraction to men. I just never had. Im positive that I'm not emotionally or romantically attracted to men, not now or in my entire life. But lately I have started to become sexually attracted to men, but only when watching porn.

I guess it started 2years ago, I began watching transgender porn, from there it just went downwards. All my porn tastes became extreme, started heterosexual, lesbian, domination, rape, transgender, sissy and then gay.

The thought that I was gay entered my mind when I was stoned with some best friends and they said "they knew I was gay", I don't know if they meant it or not, but then they'd always give me shit about being gay. But literally every group of male friends do that in our culture. But when they said that, I literally began dissecting every aspect of my life. I've always had extreme social anxiety, but this changed me. I was so worried about being gay I became conscious of literally everything. I thought people were talking about me, or that I knew that they knew. In my previous sexual encounters I had such bad sexual anxiety I couldn't even get it up, fear of being to small, not experienced. Then I felt that the reason was because I was gay. Then my porn changed and I watched a lot of gay porn all the time. I was then completely convinced and just wanted to live my life, I didn't care if I was gay or not. So, I had sex with a man and I remember the entire time during it I wished it was over, but now it turns me on thinking about it. I've always found humiliation and submission porn a turn on so I blamed it on that.

I can't tell if I'm making excuses or what anymore. I honestly believe that I like girls, I've always dreamed about marrying one and finding the perfect one, having a family. But when I get horny and masturbate it winds up being the opposite, I watch gay or transgender or sissy porn. Then I feel depressed afterwards. It's almost as if porn is what is making me gay, without it I'd never be attracted to men, I never am attracted to them in public. But then I think porn is showing me my true sexuality and because I suppress it in public, I let it out in private.

I really don't care what I am, it's just destroying me.

Look, only you can really know what you are. If you want an indicator, don't look at porn. It really won't help you. If you want my opinion on it, I think you could be heteroromantic bisexual, but labels don't mean anything. Also, don't dismiss the fact that your hormones might be playing you funny. If you look through Puberty For Boys, you will find that a lot of straight guys watch gay porn.